My mom has end stage Alzheimer's. She's incontinent, doesn't walk, has poor eye sight, and is hard of hearing. I am in desperate need of advice. -

My mom has end stage Alzheimer's. She's incontinent, doesn't walk, has poor eye sight, and is hard of hearing. I am in desperate need of advice.


My mom does not recognize her family anymore. She is combative (kicking and scratching) and verbally abusive when I change her diaper and dress her. I'm worried about her health she barely eats. I'm at my wits end I don't know how to help her. I am physically and mentally drained. I know longer attend family events. I tried hiring a sitter but my mom was so abusive to her she will never come back. I am in desperate need for advice.



I do understand your fear of guilt but ultimately putting her in an outside facility is the best thing for you and her . You cannot keep this up. And if she was in a good care facility you would still be required to keep tabs on them to make sure they are doing the job properly, but most of all you could concentrate on getting your own life, and physical and mental health back and just spend time being with her.
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Reply to Karsten

Thanks for all your advice. My mom is on anxiety, anti-psychotic and pain medicine. She just recently has been put on home hospice. My mom does have a tendency to get UTI's but does not have one right now.
I have been considering putting my mom into a memory facility but the guilt has been killing me. I feel for you SueC1957 I also have back spasms and pain.
I have been caring for her for 7 years. This last year she has drastically declined and I do believe it has come to a point that I may not be able to care for her at home much longer. Thanks again it helps to know I'm not alone.
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Reply to Lisarae

We had to put my 95 year old mom with stage 6 Alzheimer's in a memory care facility because she was too out of control at home with us. The nightly 2 am screaming at the top of her lungs, the hitting, spitting food and medicine out, the pulling down her diaper and urinating on the floor was just too much. She does NOT do this at the facility. Why? Who knows?

Both our backs are bad and we both get spasms at the drop of a hat, so we really couldn't physically move or reposition her anymore either.

I don't mean to not be supportive of your home care but, maybe, at this time, you've bitten off more that you can chew. Do you think placement in a facility would be an option?
There are 3 shifts of caregivers that have special training to care for all the "quirks" that come with dementia.

If money is an option, apply for Medicaid (or Medi-Cal in California). As long as she has less than $2000. she probably would be approved.

I'm sorry, I'm right there with you. It's hard. Bless you. Remember to take time for yourself. Enlist a family member or neighbor to give you respite.
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Reply to SueC1957

Is Mom under a doctor’s care? Has she been tested for a urinary tract infection? This is exactly how my mom acted when she had one. I still have a scar on my arm from where she clawed me.

Have you investigated hospice care? Her doctor can help you with that as well. You need someone to come out and help/relieve you. Help is out there if you ask for it, and her doctor is where to start. Good luck. Sending hugs!
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Lisa, only thing you can do is check with Mom's primary doctor to see what more can be done in the way of medicines to help calm her down.

I honestly don't know how you do it being hands-on during this phase. The only way you may get a sitter is to hire from a caregiving Agency as such Agencies usually have caregivers who are experience in such care, but it would be costly. If Mom has savings you can use, it would be well worth it for your own sanity.
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Reply to freqflyer