My mom(87) suffered a stroke which progressed into CHF, dementia, deafness & mild Parkinson. My stepdad (88 & POA) fought against assisted living but agreed only if he went one particular facility (badly rated) & didn’t provide medical needs my mom needed. My brother (reserve POA), supported stepdads decision, believing nothing should interfere w husbands wish’s. Since then the NP at facility overdosed my mom which led to hospitalization for 1wk monitored detox. At that time my stepdad & brother found a memory care facility which they had me go look at (a 2bedroom for them to move into), mom needing supervision & Dave needing light care. The place was nice & I said ok. The next day mom was upset in the hospital room after everyone left & I asked what was wrong? She was crying saying she just didn’t want to go somewhere she didn’t know anyone! I assured her I’d never let that happen. Next day they transferred her to the memory facility by herself & the husband never moved in. She was hysterical & devastated, screaming & crying not to leave her there alone. At one point she actually fell out of her wheelchair & broke her hip so upset. He moved into their retirement home & has almost bankrupt them now. My brother, living 5 min away visits possibly 4 times a mth for about 5 mins & her husband now visits about 1-2 times a Wk for 15 mins. The care is for mild patients & my mom is past this point. Currently she’s eating @ 500 calories from depression & will only eat if I take her out. My brother is a millionaire & I don’t have the money to fight him. How do I get control wo $$$$. TY

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Generally when there is a sibling war over the parents assets and placement the court decides in favor of a court appointed attorney. That is said with the assumption that your father is demented by diagnosis. If he is not there is no way you will get control over him and your mother and their joint assets. You certainly should attend an hour with an Elder Law Attorney with your information, just to feel certain about your options.
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