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Mom has begun calling only my sister , over and over , while at work . Even calling the business. Any way to alleviate worry and searching for things ? She searches for things ALL DAY ! Calling about them during the few hours we aren’t with her.
Is mom alone? If mom has dementia she should not be left alone. (Personal opinion and I am sure others may disagree) Mom should be in Adult Day when no one can be with her. Caregivers if a Day Program is not available or possible. There is so much that can happen leaving a person with cognitive difficulties alone. She can wander out of the house. Fiddle with the heating, the water, the stove, let the "gas man" into the house and on and on. If she is in an AL facility then you can talk to the staff about getting her m ore engaged in the community but it is time to think about a move to MC. If she is still at home it is time to think about other options so that she is not left alone.
Adult Day care is a great idea too! I didn't even think of that. Especially if transportation can be arranged - some programs will pick up the elder and return them home safely.
You don't mention how old your Mom is, or if she has a medical diagnosis of cognitive and/or memory impairment. If so, this is very common behavior.
My Mom is 96 and was relentlessly calling customer service numbers for her appliances -- the appliances she was forgetting how to use and insisting they were instead broken. She was calling neighbors over to her house to do unnecessary things (I live right next door). I finally had to switch her to a Raz Mobility phone, one where I control everything from an app on my phone. All her contacts are large photos callable with by just pressing. I can control who she calls, who calls her, when she calls and whether she has a keypad to call other numbers. I can enable 911 or not (she's called it twice accidentally but I still have it enabled). It looks like a smart phone but has no texting or internet access. She was very unhappy with it but her calling was getting out of control and she doesn't have any ability to "improve" this behavior (since she sees nothing wrong with it).
You may also want to consider medication for anxiety for her. All this searching is creating stress in her that she can no longer process in a normal healthy way. I strongly suggest this phone for your Mom. She won't like it but remember -- the behavior is only going to get worse if you don't deal with it now.
This is not fair to your sister. When I worked, you could be fired because of personal calls. Your sister needs to go Do Not Disturb when working. I have to agree, if Mom is home alone, she shouldn't be. Dementia is very unpredictable. You never know whats flitting thru their mind.
Tell your sister to let moms calls to go to her voicemail while she is at work and she can check them when she gets off. And have her tell her employer to just ignore any calls coming in from moms number. If your mom is calling your sister up to 15 times a day then I'm guessing it's a lot more than just a few hours that your mom is left by herself, which of course is so very dangerous with someone with dementia. Time to rethink what the next steps are regarding your moms care.
Meds for anxiety. Block her calls during working hours, let them go to voicemail if you think that will appease mom.
Her behavior will only get worse, I'm sorry to say. She needs 24/7 professional care from people who understand how to deal with this. She should never be alone. For instance, the next step is she starts leaving wherever she lives, going to find those things. Then she's lost, picked up by someone who doesn't know her, had no ID on her because she doesn't know what an ID is anymore, and you can imagine the rest. AND you can't lock in her home alone because it's illegal to do that in most places. Could be unlawful imprisonment, not properly caring for an elder (as in neglect), abusing an elder, and use your imagination.
It isn't "a little dementia" any more. Act according to keep mom safe, and good luck. I'm sorry you're going through this.
We need a little more information here. What is the situation with your mother? How long has this continuous calling been extant? I see that this is posted under Alzheimer's, and would like to know when your mother was diagnosed, and whether or not she is in care or is living alone.
Generally when Alzheimer's is this out of control there is no longer any way to compute and understand limitations or boundaries. At that time access to phones is usually removed from the senior, and managed by caregivers. In fact at that time often they are incapable of using phones. It is important to understand if you and sister are dealing with Mom's UNWILLINGNESS or her INCAPABILITY in understanding limitation.
If your mother is no longer capable of understanding the importance of limiting phone calls such as what you describe, then she honestly is no longer capable of remaining at home alone, with access to a phone at hand.
Would appreciate a bit more information about your Mom and her daily life. How long, for instance, has this phone problem existed? What other problems are there? Is mom no longer capable of understanding limits? Is she alone or with 24/7 help?
Thanks a lot. Makes a difference as to the answer. Meanwhile I will wish you the very best. I am sure that you and sister currently are frustrated. But without information as to exactly what mom's condition is, it's hard to give you a direction to turn that you and Sister haven't already tried on your own.
You can't stop your mom from worrying and searching for things. You can find ways to manage how her uncontrollable behavior affects the rest of the family. And, manage her anxiety, as it's probably pretty upsetting for mom.
There are phones designed specifically for elders and those with dementia. Do a Google search and see what fits her needs. Many can be programmed to limit the number of calls and the time of day phone calls can be made to family. You can set it up so they can only call the persons/numbers you have programmed. They can't receive or make calls to any unauthorized numbers.
It sounds like your mother is struggling on her own. Could you hire an aide to be with her during the daytime, to keep her company, keep her active, and keep her distracted, and help her find the items she is looking for?
You may not feel she is ready to move to a memory care facility, but you should start planning ahead for that eventuality. You will want to call and schedule tours of several. Include skilled nursing homes in your search. You will feel better, and less stressed when the time comes, if you have already seen what is available and determined your favorite.
For mom's anxiety, talk to her doctor about prescribing a medication to help alleviate this. Be wary of some which are "addictive" or habit forming, since missing a dose can cause more agitation. I went through this with my husband. He was getting agitated prior to his next dose, as his body started to tolerate and want more. I had to wean him off of xanax and celexa. I've had much better results with medications like Depakote and Trazodone. Of course, everyone is different. Just something to be aware of. And anti-psychotic drugs can have the undesirable side effect of causing involuntary twitching. That, too, bothered my husband. He was lifting his arm up (like the chicken dance wing flap), and turning his head from side to side, like shaking your head "no", for months even after the drugs were stopped. Medications can be very helpful, just be aware of their effects and work with the doctor to try something different if one isn't working for her.
Have the sister block the number while she's at work, and let them go to voicemail. The better solution is to get a phone such as was mentioned, and even that will become a burden as the illness progresses.
Have your mother checked by medical provider for dementia. She may need to have more supervision and/or be on medication. It sounds like a combination of anxiety and dementia to me. If it is problematic calling your sister - at work - you need to block that number from her phone. Otherwise, I do not see how to stop this behavior.
Your sister (or you?) could call your mother 1-2 x a day to check in on her or as needed.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If mom has dementia she should not be left alone. (Personal opinion and I am sure others may disagree)
Mom should be in Adult Day when no one can be with her. Caregivers if a Day Program is not available or possible.
There is so much that can happen leaving a person with cognitive difficulties alone.
She can wander out of the house. Fiddle with the heating, the water, the stove, let the "gas man" into the house and on and on.
If she is in an AL facility then you can talk to the staff about getting her m ore engaged in the community but it is time to think about a move to MC. If she is still at home it is time to think about other options so that she is not left alone.
Especially if transportation can be arranged - some programs will pick up the elder and return them home safely.
My Mom is 96 and was relentlessly calling customer service numbers for her appliances -- the appliances she was forgetting how to use and insisting they were instead broken. She was calling neighbors over to her house to do unnecessary things (I live right next door). I finally had to switch her to a Raz Mobility phone, one where I control everything from an app on my phone. All her contacts are large photos callable with by just pressing. I can control who she calls, who calls her, when she calls and whether she has a keypad to call other numbers. I can enable 911 or not (she's called it twice accidentally but I still have it enabled). It looks like a smart phone but has no texting or internet access. She was very unhappy with it but her calling was getting out of control and she doesn't have any ability to "improve" this behavior (since she sees nothing wrong with it).
You may also want to consider medication for anxiety for her. All this searching is creating stress in her that she can no longer process in a normal healthy way. I strongly suggest this phone for your Mom. She won't like it but remember -- the behavior is only going to get worse if you don't deal with it now.
If your mom is calling your sister up to 15 times a day then I'm guessing it's a lot more than just a few hours that your mom is left by herself, which of course is so very dangerous with someone with dementia.
Time to rethink what the next steps are regarding your moms care.
Her behavior will only get worse, I'm sorry to say. She needs 24/7 professional care from people who understand how to deal with this. She should never be alone. For instance, the next step is she starts leaving wherever she lives, going to find those things. Then she's lost, picked up by someone who doesn't know her, had no ID on her because she doesn't know what an ID is anymore, and you can imagine the rest. AND you can't lock in her home alone because it's illegal to do that in most places. Could be unlawful imprisonment, not properly caring for an elder (as in neglect), abusing an elder, and use your imagination.
It isn't "a little dementia" any more. Act according to keep mom safe, and good luck. I'm sorry you're going through this.
What is the situation with your mother? How long has this continuous calling been extant?
I see that this is posted under Alzheimer's, and would like to know when your mother was diagnosed, and whether or not she is in care or is living alone.
Generally when Alzheimer's is this out of control there is no longer any way to compute and understand limitations or boundaries. At that time access to phones is usually removed from the senior, and managed by caregivers. In fact at that time often they are incapable of using phones.
It is important to understand if you and sister are dealing with Mom's UNWILLINGNESS or her INCAPABILITY in understanding limitation.
If your mother is no longer capable of understanding the importance of limiting phone calls such as what you describe, then she honestly is no longer capable of remaining at home alone, with access to a phone at hand.
Would appreciate a bit more information about your Mom and her daily life.
How long, for instance, has this phone problem existed?
What other problems are there?
Is mom no longer capable of understanding limits?
Is she alone or with 24/7 help?
Thanks a lot. Makes a difference as to the answer. Meanwhile I will wish you the very best. I am sure that you and sister currently are frustrated. But without information as to exactly what mom's condition is, it's hard to give you a direction to turn that you and Sister haven't already tried on your own.
Best of luck.
You can find ways to manage how her uncontrollable behavior affects the rest of the family. And, manage her anxiety, as it's probably pretty upsetting for mom.
There are phones designed specifically for elders and those with dementia. Do a Google search and see what fits her needs. Many can be programmed to limit the number of calls and the time of day phone calls can be made to family. You can set it up so they can only call the persons/numbers you have programmed. They can't receive or make calls to any unauthorized numbers.
It sounds like your mother is struggling on her own. Could you hire an aide to be with her during the daytime, to keep her company, keep her active, and keep her distracted, and help her find the items she is looking for?
You may not feel she is ready to move to a memory care facility, but you should start planning ahead for that eventuality. You will want to call and schedule tours of several. Include skilled nursing homes in your search. You will feel better, and less stressed when the time comes, if you have already seen what is available and determined your favorite.
For mom's anxiety, talk to her doctor about prescribing a medication to help alleviate this. Be wary of some which are "addictive" or habit forming, since missing a dose can cause more agitation. I went through this with my husband. He was getting agitated prior to his next dose, as his body started to tolerate and want more. I had to wean him off of xanax and celexa. I've had much better results with medications like Depakote and Trazodone. Of course, everyone is different. Just something to be aware of. And anti-psychotic drugs can have the undesirable side effect of causing involuntary twitching. That, too, bothered my husband. He was lifting his arm up (like the chicken dance wing flap), and turning his head from side to side, like shaking your head "no", for months even after the drugs were stopped. Medications can be very helpful, just be aware of their effects and work with the doctor to try something different if one isn't working for her.
You cannot convince her she has what she needs and doesn’t need to call. This will not improve.
She may need to have more supervision and/or be on medication.
It sounds like a combination of anxiety and dementia to me.
If it is problematic calling your sister - at work - you need to block that number from her phone. Otherwise, I do not see how to stop this behavior.
Your sister (or you?) could call your mother 1-2 x a day to check in on her or as needed.
Gena / Touch matters
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