How can I help mom or how do I talk to mom about her impending death?

Have a chat with the nurse who visits. Hospice does provide grief counseling. Don't be afraid to call your own MD and ask for anti-anxiety meds. It does make a big difference.

I found the book, "Losing a Parent" by Fiona Marshall to be an excellent resource.

You have one of the most valuable resources...Hospice.
Talk to the Nurse, the Social Worker and ask them the best way to begin the discussion.
I am sure that your Mom is well aware of the fact that she is dying.
Very good possibility that she wants to know how to talk to you about it as well.
Sort of like the discussion that you and she may have had back when you were 11 or 12....No WANTS to have "the talk" but discussing what arrangements she wants can relieve a lot of stress for you and the rest of the family.
I wish my husband had talked about his wishes. I never knew that he wanted to be buried until his sister told me. Now I sit here trying to make decisions that should have been made by the two of us.
Getting back to Hospice...talk to the Nurse, Social Worker, Chaplain and ask them to help you talk to your Mom.
Good luck

I am so sorry DesMoines50312 for what You are trying to bear, as reading Your post is Heart Breaking. As the other Caregivers stated Hospice is a great source of help now for Your Mom. Talk to a Nurse and tell Her how You feel so She can assist You. I found Prayer very comforting for My Mother and for Me. Kneel by Your Mom's bed and take Her by the hand and Pray, even if Your dear Mom does not partake in the Prayers, She will get the greatest comfort and Love You more.

Sing to her! If she is religious, sing hymns. If not, sing whatever she knows and you know -- patriotic hymns. If you are a Christian talk to her about Jesus, remind her who he is and why he came. Remind her who she will meet in heaven. Love her like crazy. Kiss her, hold her hand, etc. Tell her she can stay here as long as she wants; that you love her and enjoy being with her. Tell her she has been a wonderful mother. Tell her that God will decide when it is time for her to go to him but she can tell him she is ready.

i've been caring for my mother for the last 7 years. she had dementia and was bedridden for the last 14mo. yes, the grief of watching them diminish so badly! all kinds of changes happen to their little bodies in the process. it was horrifying to me too! she never discussed wishes for death...and i never discussed with her that she was dying...i'm sure she knew that. i told her all the time how much i loved her...and reminded her that she was in her home with her family and everyone was taking care of her. i knew in my heart she would die in a few days...and told her that i loved her and i would be with her in heaven. that's the extent of our conversation with death...she died 2 weeks ago. the relief and the sadness was overwhelming...and of course...it will take a while to feel better. hang in there...this too shall pass...even when it feels like the pain and stress will never end! feel for you!!!!!

I really like avidkayaker's comments. When my mom was dying, I searched a hymnal for something she might like and could't find anything quickly enough. Later, I remembered the hymn that starts "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, calling for you and for me..." That would have been perfect. Instead I told her not to worry about Dad, that we would take care of him since she was his biggest behind-the-scenes-supporter. That seemed to ease her and she died the next morning before we could get back to the hospital one more time. It was Sunday and Mother's Day and so every Mother's Day now has an even more special significance. Her minister came after the Sunday services and we had our own gathering around her bedside. I still regret not thinking of that hymn at the right time. It came to me in a dream many years later.

oh...if she never discussed her wishes regarding the funeral...she probably knows that you will take care of everything! i did what was best for the immediate family! i started looking for funeral houses and mortuary months before she died. i got all the information that i needed because i knew when she died...i would be very tired. when she died the funeral home came and got her...went there and picked out her casket...went to mortuary...got everything ready for her burial 2 days later...had a priest there for a few prayers for our family at the site and she was buried! no big hoooopla for us...esp me...i was exhausted. it was loving and fast!! she's resting in peace now in a beautiful mausoleum and im in bed sleeping!

One thing I can do is warn you that if the person doesn't want to talk about it, don't push the issue. Instead of pushing the issue on someone who doesn't want to talk about impending death is let them find out for themselves because it will happen and the truth will reveal itself and the person will find themselves in eternity standing before God, only to realize that they've died

I just got curious and happened to look up the illness and according to Google results it's treatable by a medical professional.

DesMoines, I wrote my Mom (while she was dying and on Hospice) a really long letter, telling her how much I loved her and appreciated everything she had done for me and our family, what she meant to me, and how she had impacted my life. I included many memories, and when I did go to give itto her, she asked that I read it out loud to her, as the Morphine impaired her thinking. It was difficult, and we both cried. She asked that the card and letter be buried with her, and I cried even more. It did help me to get it all out, but I'm not sure how much of it she was able to retain, she already knew all this stuff, it was just words. But it was a release, and nice to put it down in writing for her.

I actually just found my first draft of this letter to her and read it again, it was pretty gushy, Lol, but it is nice to have and to remember her by.

Our Moms have a way of knowing our feelings, is my thought, so maybe just give her bits and pieces as time goes on, of how much you love and appreciate her, how much you will miss her, and that its OK to let go in her own time.

I'm so sorry you are losing your Mom, it's the hardest thing ever! Good luck going forward!

I am so sorry you are losing your Mom. Everyone has addressed how you might approach your Mom about her wishes so I want to address another issue. When my Dad passed, he only had a couple of those old Brown service policies. And they had their cemetery plots. My mom had been taking care of my Dad for a while before he passed and was a mess. I stepped up to handle the funeral arrangements. Please don't think me crass but for this, but for us money was a huge problem and I wish I had known before what I learned after Dad's funeral. I didn't know the casket policy only covered a certain casket and was not told this so I had chosen one that was more expensive. I didn't know what the other policy covered, just made the arrangements and we had lots of extra costs. If I had been aware I would have followed what the policies covered and planned around that in order to incur as little extra expense as possible. Shame on them for not telling me. I also learned there is a vast difference in the costs between "pre-planning" and "in-need". I learned all of this when I was planning my Mom's funeral because I used a different funeral home and they were nice enough to help me and tell me. I was lucky that I took a day and stepped away from staying with her long enough to take care of her funeral. The savings was over $4000. I didn't have another $4000. This info may not matter as money may not be a problem. But if it is, get busy now and purchase "pre-need", including cemetery and vault, etc.. Plus, as it was for me, you will have all that done and can grieve the loss of your Mom instead of running around crazy. Prayers to you and your family.

I would quote bible scripture to her and play the music she likes=Big Band, Lawrence Welk, etc.

I told my mom i love you & your going home . Hymn Heaven is my home. She was ready to go. Some people need you its ok to go. We'll be ok.

mlface: You're absolutely right! Also the elder may predict their own demise.

I'm so sorry. This is a terribly hard time.

Hospice provides family counseling. So much depends on acceptance of the situation. Acceptance doesn't mean that you like it but you know it can't be changed. From there you can learn to deal with it.

Your mom may be doing okay with dying but you are, understandably, having a difficult time. Please take advantage of the hospice counseling and perhaps talk with their chaplain, as well. The more you accept the better company you can provide for your mom.

Johnny J please do not have any regrets as You did Your best and Your dear Mom knew it too. In 2006 My older Brother Doney died in My arms, and for years afterwards I kept beating Myself up because I completely forgot to say the Act of Contrition into My Brothers ear. I think My brain froze, and I went numb from the shock. We will meet Our Love Ones again, farther down that road of Life.

DesMoines - this is truly the hardest thing you probably will ever have to do. My poor father passed two years ago but he went into a coma so fast that all I could do was sit there and hold his hand. However, my fiance was 54 when he died of cancer and he did hospice at home with my son and I. It was incredibly difficult but we did it for him. My son read to him and I tried to feed him and hold his hand and talk to him when he was conscious. This went on for a week. The two hospice nurses were angels - telling us what to do and helping and guiding us. It was so painful but we made it through to the end and I am SO glad we did it for him. Keep telling your mom how much you love you, hold her hand, read for her and sing songs she knew and loved . Caress her hair, pat her - anthing soothing. You can do it - you will never forget it but you will be so glad you were there for her in the end. I will pray for you and wish you the best! Be strong!

I have been talking to my husband about his impending death. He is non verbal but I have been telling him that I will be alright. I tell him that he can rest now.
We are much closer to the end at this time. the Hospice nurse said this week we may have 3 weeks. He is showing early signs, skin changes and he stopped eating and drinking this week.
Sad for me and the rest of the family but I know he would not want to live the way he has the past 10 years.
Hospice is a great help. Again, use them as a resource.

I really think your mom needs your permission to leave you and her family. She needs to know that you guys are to be okay without her. Tell her that you love her and you had a wonderful mother or something like that. If you believe in God, pray and ask him to comfort her and make the right decision. Hold your mom closely by lying beside her. Tell her that everything will be okay and relax her mind.

My late mother said before her demise "It won't be much longer," "I'm ready to go" and other similar statements.Of course, WE don't like to be on the receiving end of such statements, but they KNOW.