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She was sent to the NH from the Hospital due to her severe aortic stenosis which causes her to pass out. She also has dementia and she is a at risk for falling. She cannot care for herself. Her short term memory is gone, but she still remembers my Dad and they talk about the old days. Her personal Doctor said she needs to be there but the facility states she can come home. I haven't talked with the NH physician but I have a meeting with the NH staff next week. Any suggestions?

It would help to ask the Nursing home for their discharge plan. They cannot release her without a safe plan for her care. You may need your mother's primary care to write a letter detailing his or her opinion of the safety of your mom living alone with her elderly husband as a primary caretaker.

As I understand it, a diagnosis of dementia is not enough all by itself to qualify someone for a nursing home placement. You need to write to the nursing home and detail what you see as your mother's needs. Try to concentrate on her Activities of Daily Living. (ADLs) Can she dress herself? Can she feed herself? Can she get up and down from the bed, chair or toilet? Can she independently bathe? Can she take care of her own toileting needs? If not, concentrate on those deficiencies and her safety at home. It will help if you contact your state Medicaid office and ask what the requirements are to qualify medically for a nursing home placement. Some states are more lenient than others.

If your mother doesn't actually have any deficits in those areas, possibly an assisted living situation would be a more appropriate placement for her. We found a couple where the well spouse could live there too. In some states, however, Medicaid will not cover assisted living so you will have to ask what options your mom has.

This is an area where a couple of hours consultation with an Aging Life Specialist who knows the facilities in your area and all the rules might be money well spent. It would be great to have an advocate at the discharge plan meeting who knew what questions to ask. Check out aginglifecare.org

If that is not an option for you, you may want to consult your local Council on Aging and ask if a social worker could interview your mother and determine her needs before she is sent home.
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From what your profile says, Dementia should be able to keep her there. Explain there is no one capable to care for her. You have your own caregiving and can't do both.

Is she on Medicaid? I would have her primary talk to the doctor associated with the facility and see why they feel she can go home.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Caregiver2all Jan 20, 2019
Thank you for your response. I have told them that there is no one at home to take care of her and yes she is now on Medicaid. I was thinking that this might be the reason. I will ask her Doctor to contact the NH Doctor thank you for the suggestion.
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