Dad says he needs a companion and my mother is not even in the ground yet! I am shocked. He has his own health issues and cognitive challenges and almost total hearing loss. What am I to do? I look at my dad differently now.
Its going to be hard for dad to find a lady friend if he cant hear a word she is saying. Or is he just looking for sex at this point? If he wants a relationship he needs to get hearing aids, start going to the local senior center and start meeting women.
Your father has been alone for over 4 years already. Now that his wife has passed on, he feels like it's okay for him to seek out companionship and stop feeling so lonely. What should have shocked you was if dad told you all this while mom was still alive. But he didn't. We read all sorts of posts here from spouse's looking for "pen pals" or meaningful relationships or friends with benefits while their spouse is still alive, and they're caring for them at home but feeling lonely! They come here looking to justify their "right" to take a lover under "the circumstances." Your father has done no such thing, but remained faithful and loyal the entire time your mom was alive and living in managed care, God love him. Give the poor soul a break and don't look at him differently. Instead, put the shoe on the other foot and imagine what it must've been like for him for the past 4+ years. Now he's got cognitive and profound hearing loss to deal with also, so he just needs some love and comfort right now. Please don't hold it against him.
My condolences on the loss of your dear mom. Wishing you the best of luck with all you're trying to deal with.
He is lonely and doesn't have to be. He's been grieving since your mom became ill. That's a long time, and he deserves your good wishes and understanding. Wouldn't it be wonderful to see him smiling and happy again after the ordeal you've all endured?
I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom. People with cognitive impairment, like your Dad, are losing their abilities of reason, logic, time, memory and empathy. So, it's not really that unusual for him to behave like this so soon after his wife's passing, dismaying as it is. Try to look at your Dad as your LO who has a broken brain through no fault of his own. Please consider facility care where he will get a lot of good social interaction and activities that being alone in his home (or yours) will not provide. Plus medical attention for his health issues.
Your father has been paying his respects to your mother for four years. He doesn't like to live alone, but for her sake he has borne it, and now that he has lost her all he's done is voice his feelings. I can understand that it's too soon for you to hear it, only don't be shocked. Try to see his situation from his point of view.
Sadly, this isn’t all that surprising with some men. Some men don’t want to be alone. It does seem like men are quicker to jump into finding a mate after death than women are.
He’s lonely and he is vulnerable because he’s grieving for your mom.
How long were they married?
I don’t know that you can do much of anything if he is serious about finding a companion.
What concerns do you have? Are you concerned that he will be taken advantage of by a woman who sees him as a target?
Does he have control of his money or do you?
Or you concerned about his heart being broken? Do you feel like he is being disrespectful to your mom?
You are grieving for your mom and all of these things could be upsetting to you.
In time, you may welcome the idea of your dad wishing to be with a mate.
If dad does meet someone, hopefully she will be a suitable partner for him and they will be happy together.
My condolences on the loss of your dear mom. Wishing you the best of luck with all you're trying to deal with.
Your father has been paying his respects to your mother for four years. He doesn't like to live alone, but for her sake he has borne it, and now that he has lost her all he's done is voice his feelings. I can understand that it's too soon for you to hear it, only don't be shocked. Try to see his situation from his point of view.
Was he able to visit her regularly?
Sadly, this isn’t all that surprising with some men. Some men don’t want to be alone. It does seem like men are quicker to jump into finding a mate after death than women are.
He’s lonely and he is vulnerable because he’s grieving for your mom.
How long were they married?
I don’t know that you can do much of anything if he is serious about finding a companion.
What concerns do you have? Are you concerned that he will be taken advantage of by a woman who sees him as a target?
Does he have control of his money or do you?
Or you concerned about his heart being broken? Do you feel like he is being disrespectful to your mom?
You are grieving for your mom and all of these things could be upsetting to you.
In time, you may welcome the idea of your dad wishing to be with a mate.
If dad does meet someone, hopefully she will be a suitable partner for him and they will be happy together.