I posted here earlier this week talking about my mom who pressures me into getting pregnant to fulfill her dream of having another grandchild (she has two from my brother).
We haven’t really spoken to one another since we don’t agree in the whole pregnancy thing. I told her my relationship has been rocky and that’s why I don’t want to get pregnant but she won’t listen.
I had a conversation with her around November before Biden became president and it went like this:
Mom - hey. Did you hear they are giving us another stimulus check?
Me - Oh great, for how much?
Mom - it will only be $ 600 this time.
Me - well, at least that’s something. It’s better than nothing.
Mom - You see, people who have kids will receive more money from the government. But you just don’t have any children.
I don’t know why she said that but I’m guessing as a stragedy to convince me that having a kid is great. Well, just today we had a similar conversation again.
Me: Hey. Since you watch the news more than I, do you know when Biden will send us the new stimulus check?
Mom - I think around March
Me - but did the government approved it?
Mom - yes. And your brother will receive around 3,000 per child.
Again, why is she bringing the topic of children? I never even asked how much children are receiving. I find this mean, like she wants to make me feel bad for not having kids. And praising my brother who will receive more while I will receive less.
I am so mad!!!! Do you find her comments disrespectful? How would you react?
Thankfully, I work hard and I will survive without those 3,000 that all people with children will receive.
Maybe if I met the right guy I would like to be a mom, but you can’t force things to happen. Am I just going to get pregnant by a random guy or be a single mom so my mom would consider me normal? Normal to her is a woman who conceives.
By the way, my mom’s marriage with my dad was always rocky and abusive too but my mom stayed with him and had me and my brother hear all their fights and see them unhappy. Till this day my mom is still unhappy and complains about my dad all the time. But she said I was the reason why she stayed.
sorry but I don’t want that for me. I don’t want to be tied with the wrong man forever because we have a child. That’s why I’m trying to make wise decisions and not follow my mom’s path. Leaving a relationship is not easy, especially if you had feelings for the abuser before he became one.
But for my mom it was not a big deal that her children grew up in a negative environment. She wouldn’t do anything to end her marriage or stop the fighting. Hopefully I’ll get out of my relationship soon but the least thing I need is my mom pushing me to have kids for her own selfish needs.
Then I read comments below. For me, RealyReal's comment says it all. So read that one again, pretending I said it.
Speaking of really real, I kind of don't think you are. So I guess you can add me to the "really rude and disrespectful" crew in your life.
Please, please never have children.
It sounds like you may have wanted kids were it not for your rocky relationship. That can be a hard thing to accept, which is why you may be feeling so hurt by her words. Have you talked with a counselor?
I can’t imagine telling either of my daughters to have children just so I could have grandchildren. That’s just crazy!
The OP needs to tell her mom that the topic of children is off limits FOREVER!
I don’t think anyone should fear telling anyone else that their relationship and having a child is a personal subject.
I would like to see the OP leave an abusive relationship before considering having children. A child doesn’t deserve to be born into an abusive household.
Let’s hope she does seek out therapy.
I wish her well, with a happy future with or without children.
You will probably get these kinds of snide, passive-aggressive comments from your mother until you're done with menopause and can no longer have a baby. You can take on a 'whatever/don't care' attitude when around your mother, or you can tell her that if she's going to carry on about you having a baby that she will not see or hear from you very often. I'm guessing she'll start keeping her thoughts about grandchildren to herself when you're around.
And no, I can't see her comments as disrespectful. A touch obsessional, perhaps, but it certainly isn't news to you that she believes your life would be enhanced by motherhood. When she whitters on about how financially profitable it is she is really scraping the barrel! - anybody who thinks they'll be up on the deal has been sadly misinformed - but what about it?
While I agree her comments are, in the very least, disrespectful, if you are happy and comfortable with your decision to not have children, then be at peace with that decision. You are the only one who knows what is best for you; even if mom *thinks* she knows what's best.
I think part of why she keeps saying these things is because she knows she gets a rise out of you. The next time the subject comes up where she tells you brother will be getting more money because he has kids, just tell her "that's great, mom, he probably needs the money more than I do, what with his kids and all. And just think - he'll just have to spend most of his money on the kids, I can spend mine all on me!"
BTW, just having kids doesn't guarantee a check in hand - we were told by the IRS we have to claim a tax credit on our upcoming income taxes rather than actually getting the money.
If these ideas doesn't workout, then may be she is suffering any aging problem which affect the brain and thereby change overall attitude.
Next time she says something like that, say to yourself, “Consider the source.”
This is who she is. This is her character. I doubt that you are surprised by her comments.
I know it hurts. I am not trying to make light of her behavior but by now you can hardly expect her to act any differently.
Don’t stoke the fire.
You may want to even say something facetious back to her like, “Mom! You will be happy to hear that I am pregnant with quintuplets! Isn’t it wonderful?
Stupid remarks deserve to be ignored or you can dole out absurd comebacks!
The 2nd stimulus payments were sent out in early January for most of us, a whopping $600 per adult and child, for those who qualify. A family would have to have 3 children and 2 parents in order to get a total of $3000 in stimulus money.