My mom had a stroke 1/16/17 and she is very lucky she has had hardly any issues, except for her words. She will not do anything. Any ideas?

Dear Lezli55,

I am sorry to hear about your mom's stroke. I know you are doing everything you can to make her life better. My dad was also very negative after his stroke. He has always been stubborn and independent so the stroke was hard on him.

I wonder if the medications in some way could be contributing to your mom's depression. I would try talking to the doctor and see if they can be reviewed. I know finding the right balance can be extremely hard.

When my dad was so negative, I decided to just let him be. I wish I had more patience and tried to do better for him. Keep trying for your mom. I hope there is an answer that will improve her mood and quality of life.

It's hard to give advice without a little background information, if mom is a formerly healthy and outgoing 70 year old it is hugely different than if she is an introverted 90 year old with multiple comorbidities. However, depression - real, clinical depression - is often a consequence of stroke, is she on any antidepressants? And a history of stroke makes me wonder about Vascular Dementia, which may begin with symptoms or apathy of lack of initiative.

Did mom go to rehab after her stroke?

Part of the protocol at the acute rehab my mom went to was to start patients on antidepressants, so I have the same question as CW. As she says, the loss of initiative sounds very much like vascular dementia.

Sorry for the transposed f's and r's... symptoms of apathy or lack of initiative.

I agree with those above. I'd have her evaluated to see what is going on. Sometimes, depression can cause people to have no energy, lose interest, be unmotivated, but, it could be something else. I know that after my LO took a fall and got a fracture, she seemed to have no motivation. She would not participate in physical therapy, just wanted to lie in the bed, stopped watching her favorite tv shows, and didn't like to go many places. Her therapist thought she was lazy, but, as she progressed, it became clear that it was vascular dementia. It causes the patient to lose their initiative to do much.  Her neurologist confirmed it. She really could not help being that way. If that is what she has, it might be better to know, so you can plan. And if it's something else, perhaps some treatment might be available. I'd start with her doctor. Is he a geriatric doctor? I'd ask if he works a lot with dementia patients. Some doctors aren't that well versed with it.

Nothing to add to the good suggestions above except a hug of sympathy - yes, it is immensely frustrating.

But don't forget that everything you attempt is for your mother's benefit. If she really, really doesn't want to know then you are eventually going to have to accept it. I know it's hard.

Thank you. She is already on anti depression meds and her doctor just doubled her dosage. I PRAY THAT THIS WILL HELP HER.

Does your mom ever laugh? Are there people who brighten her up? A favorite grandson or brother? Do you ever sit with her and watch tv with her? Can you get her out on occasion? Does she take any interest in the outdoors? Is there anyone who might call and speak with her on the phone on a regular basis?
While I’m sure your mom depends on you and loves you, sometimes a stranger or casual acquaintance might have better luck gaining her cooperation.
Does she like fresh flowers? Her feet or shoulders rubbed?
A hug? Her hair brushed?
Could you get her doctor to order her therapy?
Perhaps accepting that she is doing the best she can might free her and you up a bit to just enjoy one another’s company. It’s been a tough year for you both.
Catch her with a smile. Somehow the rolling eyes encourages me. There’s some personality going on. She sounds a bit focused on resisting you rather than helping herself. Maybe try being less of a nurse and more just her daughter.