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She pays taxes. Home is not hers. She won’t fix. She doesn’t want people in house because she hoards stuff. Valuable to her. Some antiques mixed in the stuff. I tell her to at least sell them! She uses a walker to get around a small area. She can’t climb steps to go shower. I want her to go in a nursing home. She was in one for 23 days and hated it. Thought therapy was a waste of time. She wants to remain independent in an unsafe living space. She has been determined by professionals “to be of sound mind.” I live in another state. I worry about her. She’s 82 and does nothing all day. Doesn’t take suggestions like going to senior center to get out the house. Doesn’t qualify for Medicaid. Is she really of sound mind? Also, her pet is a nasty bird with probably another 50 years to live. The bird food keeps her mice happy and producing. It’s all unreal!

Could she do assisted living? Different vibe than a nursing home. Or is that too costly for her?
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Skywriter Mar 19, 2019
Assisted living is too costly for her. Thanks for your reply.
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You are welcome. Many hoarders see their hoard as sort of a comfort blanket or even family. Some may even feel the hoard will not leave or hurt them.Your mom may feel the same.
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You are welcome. Many hoarders see their hoard as sort of a comfort blanket or even family. Your mom may feel the same.
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Skywriter,

The bird will outlast her! My cousin had a bird. He had to move and he couldn’t bring the bird so he moved it into my Uncle’s place. The bird was used to flying free during the day. He chewed up all the baseboards. My uncle lived in a busy part of the city and the bird mimicked the sirens from police and fire trucks all the time. He mimicked the telephone ringing. Thank God my uncle was going deaf or that damn bird would have driven him nuts!

Later my Uncle had to move into a veterans home where he died, so my cousin ended up selling the bird back to the woman he bought it from.
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Skywriter Mar 19, 2019
I can see this bird chewing things up, too! My Mom would never part with her bird. It’s a great companion for her since the bird likes being messy too!
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She'll NEVER get a grip on her hoarding, Sorry, don't even hope for it.

Mother will not even allow me to take out her overflowing "incontinence pads" to the trash. Her house reeks so bad. Hoarders DO NOT TRUST.

And each week she wins something at bingo that cannot be tossed and she also gets multiple packages from mail order companies. Nothing ever leaves that apartment.
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Riverdale Mar 17, 2019
Oh Mid your stories never cease to amaze me. You have advice for all on all fronts. I don't know how you manage but I know you do and help others with all you go through.
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Mom enjoying herself. She does not want to be in no stinking NH. Good for her. She just needs to get a grip on her hoarding
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Skywriter Mar 17, 2019
My Mom doesn’t want to do the things in order to stay out of a NH, however. She has no measure of daily living activities, but sitting in front of the tv, trying to pick lottery numbers, and talking to her bird. She does nothing to maintain the upkeep of her home. She is a “life tenant” of an old, dilapidated house in urgent need of repairs. She does no repairs. Some of the things she has may be worth something. She has a few antiques amongst the stuff. Thanks for your reply.
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When you say that she has been determined to be of sound mind by professionals, what does that mean? When she was assessed, did the professionals know all the facts about her? When my LO had an office mini evaluation, if the doctor had just taken her word for it, she may have appeared differently, because she told the doctor that she was able to shop, cook, pay bills, do laundry, take medication, etc. But, the doctor knew that was not true, as I had provided her with a list of my observations about how she was not eating, not bathing, not able to cook, not able to run her own household. Maybe, someone who knows the whole story could provide a more accurate assessment opinion.

I'd keep watch on the bird. It's my understanding that they need certain diets and beak trimming.

I might get a consult with an Elder Law attorney in her jurisdiction, so you know what the law is and what the options will be moving forward.
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Skywriter Mar 19, 2019
The “professionals” say that people who are hoarders aren’t breaking the law! A family member did a wellness check on my Mom not knowing that she was in a nursing home. A cop crawled through her kitchen window and a bunch of stuff stacked on the radiator and piled on the floor. He made it to the front door to let in his partner and the family members. The poor cops after looking throughout her home were totally exhausted and flabbergasted about all the stuff they had to crawl over looking for her. Both admitted to serving in wars and had never been as physically tested having to climb over bags and bags of clothes and other items in their paths. They said they had to report her to the borough, because her back door was blocked, and the amount of stuff in the home was a clear danger. Nothing came of it. No fine. No follow up. A social worker has seen the same home. Her assessment was that there was mold in the kitchen from the leaking roof. The clutter didn’t seem hazardous. I just wonder if something horrible happened, where would the blame game begin? I was hoping for a professional intervention. This didn’t happen. I’m trying again at the end of the month with a new group of “professionals.” Hope it’s someone with a pure disdain for clutter and reads my Mom the Clean Act!
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Skywriter, sound like your Mom is under a "life estate" and another relative is the deed owner.... is this correct? If yes, then Mom is responsible for paying the real estate taxes and making any repairs.

As for the hoarding, some people feel safer when there are tons of stuff around them. It's like being in a cocoon.

As for the mice, my gosh the smell from the [ahem] tiny turds can be overwhelming. The turds are a highway sign system that the mice follow for finding food and water.

Since Mom is of sound mind, the only thing you can do is wait for a serious medical situation where 911 is called, thus Mom goes from the hospital to rehab to a nursing home, with no stopping for home.

Or if the house is like one sees on TV regarding hoarders, you can call the County/city and ask them to do a check on the property.
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shad250 Mar 11, 2019
Maybe she is similar to the lady who was on the 2 hour season finale of Hoarders who even had one of the nice young men helping her.
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Are you in touch with her landlord?
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Skywriter Mar 18, 2019
Hi, Countrymouse! I haven’t contacted the owners of the home. My Mom asked me not to. She knows they will probably kick her out for not keeping up the house, but the house was a dump when they allowed her to stay according to the Will. I always remind my Mom that if she’s not willing to keep up the house maintenance that she should move out. I try to stay out of it as much as possible. For example, I’m not her guardian or trustee of her financial affairs. The decisions she makes out of “sound mind” need to remain with her, if she is adamant not to fix up the house as a “life tenant.” In a word, I don’t want to be liable for her lack of attention to this property.
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