She was admitted 2 days ago and has spent 2 nights there. She has had several TIA'S. We went to see her at admittance time as I had to sign to admit her. She was very sweet and pleasant in her bed. We have been told she is refusing meds and rehab. Also refusing most of her meals. We went to see her yesterday and she was like a different person. Seemed very depressed. My heart is broken. I am very devoted to caring for her. She lives with my brother and me and we care for her 24/7 and if we need to get out for shopping etc we have to get someone to be with her. We don't want her to suffer anymore. Can we take her out of this place and take her home? Also yesterday my brother noticed her thick stocking was soaked. Nurse took her stockings off and that foot swollen. Only excuses from nurse. Want her home so we can give her care she deserves. Thanks to all in advance.

Take her home. Rehab is horrible for Dementia patients. They are scared because everything is confusing and unfamiliar. Therapy is maybe 2 hrs a day and the rest of the time they sit them in wheelchairs if they r a fall risk. I wish I had never agreed to rehab for Mom. I swore I would never do it again. She can have therapy at home if her PCP orders it.

I would also ask him about Hospice care. Having numerous TIAs is not good. She will be so much better at home.
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Reply to JoAnn29
NeedHelpWithMom Oct 24, 2019
Therapy was more than two hours for my mom. Started right after breakfast. They worked until lunch. Went back and the therapy lasted until about 3:00 in the afternoon. It is tough! It helps though. I am a big believer in therapy.

The therapy that mom received was excellent. The physical therapist and occupational therapist are very dedicated to helping those with Parkinson’s. It absolutely helps. There aren’t any distractions in a nursing home. It is total concentration on the exercises.

It’s more intense than home health. I guess it depends on what is needed.
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Hi to all and thank you for your replies.
My mom was so sweet the first day admitted to rehab. In her bed, smiling and
talking to my brother and me. The next day went downhill so fast. Not much eye contact, hardly talking, having to be fed, that is, if she would eat at all, grabbing workers jewelry if they tried to work with her, etc. I knew this would not work out as at 2 previous rehabs she stopped taking meds and refused rehab, etc. I tried my best to have her not go but hospital so insistent.
Well, yesterday on her 3rd day there I told myself I wasn't going to allow them to make her suffer. I called and at first was told I would have to sign to release her going home against medical suggestions. I spoke to social worker and she spoke to Dr and he signed to have her released.
She was so sick last night; much worse than in hospital. So she wanted to come home as usual and we did take her home. She still is confused and we're hoping she will be on road to feeling better. She did take her meds after leaving and is still comfortably sleeping. Hoping today will be a good or much better day for her and will continue giving her her meds, good food, and trying to get her back to normal state. 😊❤
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Reply to karyll
MAYDAY Oct 26, 2019
Happy music... even if its wheelchair dancing... hold her hand and DANCE.......

happy treats... and know she knows she is loved....

Mine passed at 90.. And I still blame me......

But my FIL who passed away many moons ago,, always told me... These bodies are not meant to live on forever......

I Love You Mom....
You are very fortunate that you have a tag team, You and Your Brother.

Take her home.. It's okay, she's your mom, and you two know best...

Get her back to her normal
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Reply to MAYDAY

Just sign her out and take her home if that is what she wants. Rehab will achieve nothing positive if her feelings and happiness there are negative. One wonders what they expect her to improve to being able to do at 91, let you LO live what life she has left as she wants to clearly they are adding nothing pleasurable to it for her.
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Reply to TaylorUK

As others have suggested, tell the hospital you would like a pallative care/hospice consult. You are correct that at her age with her conditions rehab is/will be essientally (to her) torture and, frankly, not successful (she cannot remember instructions). Bring her home with hospice and let her be as happy as she can for as long as she can, with their help. You are wise to be thinking of what is best for HER, not what makes the doctors and nurses feel like they are doing something to help.
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Reply to plum9195

Hospitals do what they do, What rehab really means is that there is no treatment that they can give her to improve her condition in the hospital.The word "rehab" is misleading. They will put your mom through all kinds of things that she does not want to do. They are not being terrible. They are just doing what rehab tells them to do.
Take her home. She does not need to be rehabilitated. She needs to be kept comfortable. She is 91. If she needed 24/7 care before the stroke,then the best rehab could ever do is to restore her to the state she was before the strokes. Medical people will tell you that one never knows how a neurological patient will recover, but at 91 and with advanced dementia?
Call hospice.
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Reply to inkandpaper

Take your lovely mum home where she can enjoy meals, take her meds again and have a chuckle whilst doing rehab exercises with her. As long as you can confirm that her needs would be catered for there’s no reason for her to remain in hospital or go to hospice
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Reply to DareDiffer

Older people with dementia do not do well in strange environments. You do not have to do what they say. She will pass due to weight loss and fear. Those places are so stressed with over worked staff it's the residents who suffer. You can take her home anytime you want by signing her out against medical advice. I did the same thing with my mom after my so called half sister and brother put her in a rehab. I'm an RN of 30 years so I know...I arranged 24/7 help at her home and she passed comfortably in her own home after losing 30 pounds in that rehab. It took me a month to get to her from another what you need to do. The only way they can stop you is with a court order....good luck
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Reply to shar1953

Did your mom ask about taking stockings off? My mom wasn’t wearing them in rehab. I told mom to wear them. She told me they didn’t say she had to. I kept telling her that she wore them at home so she needed them there but she wouldn’t listen to me. I wasn’t going to force her and have her cause a ruckus in front of the staff.

The nursing home staff did not encourage it even though I told them she had terrible edema. She suffered afterwards from not wearing them. Get them back on her if possible.

My mom’s nurse’s excuse was it ‘wasn’t in her records to wear them’. Geeeeez. Yeah, I get what you’re saying about the staff. I kept asking for them to do it. They ignored it. It was in mom’s records that she suffered with horrible edema. So I suppose it has to be a specific order for them to implement placing the compression stockings on a resident regularly.

Anyway, I would call her doctor and ask him/her to send over an order to place the stockings on her. This way there is an order that should be followed and a paper trail. I should have done that but I was dealing with a few other things as well. I was trying to tackle one thing at the time and I couldn’t make everything happen. I tried to be a good advocate for my mother.

Also, ask nicely. Hope that they respond. They are often understaffed and unfortunately some things don’t get done. Clots can occur if stockings aren’t worn plus the swelling is uncomfortable. Does she have the proper size stockings? This is important. Those darn things are a pain in the butt to begin with and the wrong size only makes it worse and can even cause a bigger problem if circulation is cut off, not to mention major discomfort!

2 days isn’t a long time. Give them a chance and if not let her doctor step in if he/she or his nurse would be willing to handle the communication with the staff at the NH.

Best wishes to you and your family.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Is she doing well in rehab? Is she compliant with the therapists? My guess with advanced dementia she may not be able to follow instructions easily nor will she be able to retain what is requested of her.
I would discuss this with the doctor.
If she is otherwise stable and if you think rehab is doing some good you could request in home visits from the therapists.
If the doctors believe that you and your brother can take care of her, and if she had no other health problems (other than the dementia) prior to her hospitalization I would not see why they would think you can not care for her.
Another option would be to contact Hospice. Once she is on Hospice therapy is no longer a service she would get. She would be discharged to home on Hospice.
Hospice will help you care for her.
Hospice will have a nurse come in once a week to check her, a CNA a few times a week they will bathe her, dress her, order supplies. It is an Awesome service and it is covered by Medicare (and Medicaid as well as other insurance providers)
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Reply to Grandma1954

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