And your solution for Cab is what, then? She should give up work? If that were a possibility for her I imagine she'd already have done it.
I agree that the price of safety in residential care is eternal vigilance; and as I already explained I agree that sometimes that won't reconcile you to what goes on in residential care. In our case, post disabling stroke, what tipped the decision to bring mother home was the impracticality of transferring her in time given the staff:patient ratios, with the result that a woman who was in fact not completely incontinent was forced to be so. I couldn't live with that.
But Cab hasn't specified a single point of concern about this NH - which her mother has lived in for two years, by the way - and sending her off to have nightmares about her mother being coshed with chemicals and bumped off, that is not calling a spade a spade. That is calling a spade a f*cking shovel.
So. We can look at:
where the NH is falling short, and what it might be possible to improve what the mother's care needs would be were she living in a family home what the hours required would be what that would cost what the mother can stretch to where the extra money is to come from.
The OP, Cab, is frustrated and upset because her 92 year old mother is stuck in an inadequate nursing home and she is being blocked at every turn when it comes to finding ways to get her mother home and safe.
I'm not sure that reinforcing - nay, exacerbating - her anxieties about the NH is going to make her feel a lot better.
Cab works full-time. Her mother is 92 and has mobility issues. Are there any other specific care needs? Any other family? If she were to live with you, would her income cover enough hours for you to continue to work?
I'm not saying, mind, that I think it's a good idea to bring her to your home if only you can get the money sorted out. Working full-time and being your mother's one-to-one caregiver every other hour of the day is just not sustainable long-term: you will break.
I sympathise totally with your distress about the quality of care available to your mother. I couldn't hack it, either. I took the route of looking after my mother and going broke in the process, which is why I know it's not clever. And I'm not sure how much longer I could have kept it up, either.
But in the absence of a magic wand which would create an entire mother-tongue English-speaking affordable workforce of well-trained, personable home care aides out of thin air...
Can we explore possible compromise solutions? How much time is it realistic for you to spend with your mother at the NH currently?
CAB311, Why are you reposting your question TWO DIFFERENT times?? It can be very confusing to those who are trying to help. Please give us time to respond. It is the middle of the night so I don't expect too many people to respond until 7 or 8 AM ET which is 4-5 hours from now.
You are not going to get paid a lot of money. You are lucky you get $10.00 an hour. That is not enough to take care of someone 24 hours 7 days a week. I have a mom that I want to bring home from the nursing home and the state does not have anyone reliable to come in every day to do this. Most of them don’t speak English. How do they get hired if they are unreliable and can’t speak english. My mom has trouble understanding anyone with an accent. My mom has been in the nursing home since February and I want her home. I never wanted her in a nursing home. I hate them. I cannot get paid enough from the state to stay home and take care of her. It also takes a long time to get this. Our Government needs to help the elderly. We all need to start a campaign to help all elderly people. Family taking care of family is cheaper then a nursing home. You also need medical insurance and you have to pay for that too. $10-$15 an hour is not going to cut it. I am a single person and my mom is the only family I have left. I am so tired of Social workers and state workers. They do nothing for you. They defend the nursing homes in my opinion.
I agree that the price of safety in residential care is eternal vigilance; and as I already explained I agree that sometimes that won't reconcile you to what goes on in residential care. In our case, post disabling stroke, what tipped the decision to bring mother home was the impracticality of transferring her in time given the staff:patient ratios, with the result that a woman who was in fact not completely incontinent was forced to be so. I couldn't live with that.
But Cab hasn't specified a single point of concern about this NH - which her mother has lived in for two years, by the way - and sending her off to have nightmares about her mother being coshed with chemicals and bumped off, that is not calling a spade a spade. That is calling a spade a f*cking shovel.
So. We can look at:
where the NH is falling short, and what it might be possible to improve
what the mother's care needs would be were she living in a family home
what the hours required would be
what that would cost
what the mother can stretch to
where the extra money is to come from.
I'm not sure that reinforcing - nay, exacerbating - her anxieties about the NH is going to make her feel a lot better.
Cab works full-time. Her mother is 92 and has mobility issues. Are there any other specific care needs? Any other family? If she were to live with you, would her income cover enough hours for you to continue to work?
I'm not saying, mind, that I think it's a good idea to bring her to your home if only you can get the money sorted out. Working full-time and being your mother's one-to-one caregiver every other hour of the day is just not sustainable long-term: you will break.
I sympathise totally with your distress about the quality of care available to your mother. I couldn't hack it, either. I took the route of looking after my mother and going broke in the process, which is why I know it's not clever. And I'm not sure how much longer I could have kept it up, either.
But in the absence of a magic wand which would create an entire mother-tongue English-speaking affordable workforce of well-trained, personable home care aides out of thin air...
Can we explore possible compromise solutions? How much time is it realistic for you to spend with your mother at the NH currently?
And your post on someone else's post:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-can-i-get-paid-caring-for-elder-mom-142317.htm
Asked by 10magodinero
8 years ago
You wrote: Cab311 36 minutes ago
You are not going to get paid a lot of money. You are lucky you get $10.00 an hour. That is not enough to take care of someone 24 hours 7 days a week. I have a mom that I want to bring home from the nursing home and the state does not have anyone reliable to come in every day to do this. Most of them don’t speak English. How do they get hired if they are unreliable and can’t speak english. My mom has trouble understanding anyone with an accent. My mom has been in the nursing home since February and I want her home. I never wanted her in a nursing home. I hate them. I cannot get paid enough from the state to stay home and take care of her. It also takes a long time to get this. Our Government needs to help the elderly. We all need to start a campaign to help all elderly people. Family taking care of family is cheaper then a nursing home. You also need medical insurance and you have to pay for that too. $10-$15 an hour is not going to cut it. I am a single person and my mom is the only family I have left. I am so tired of Social workers and state workers. They do nothing for you. They defend the nursing homes in my opinion.