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My mom is having trouble getting up in the morning. She sleeps too late and then misses her meals. I tried using the assisted services to get her up but she says she doesn't want any help, She sleeps to noon and then complains about not being able to fall asleep. Once she starts missing her meals she gets weak and stubborn. Last month she ended up in the hospital and once she ate and drank regularly, she was fine again.


Does anyone have any ideas on how to wake her remotely? She is hard of hearing and not tech savy. I cannot go over to wake her for her appointments and meal each day. I am at a breaking point and don't know what to do.


She is in Senior apartment with assisted services available, but it costs $500 (package price for first level services) and she only needs to be waken up in the morning.

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Yes, spend the $500 for the services available to wake her up at a regular time so she can eat and get ready for the day. That fee is cheap at the price to keep her healthy & out of a full service Assisted Living Facility which would cost many thousands of dollars per month. See what else that service covers that can be utilized in addition to the wake up calls she needs; perhaps she can use some help getting showered or dressed? Just look into it fully.
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My Mom was a late sleeper - it's very common in the elderly and a habit that you most likely won't break. However, there is something I used for my mother which worked remotely. Amazon echo has an alarm that you can set and shut off remotely. I used it frequently. I need to add that I had also set up wifi cameras that I would use to monitor my Mom from my phone. That way, I could hear the alarm go off, and watch to see if she got up or went back to sleep. My Mom was also hard of hearing (you pick the alarm tone and some are LOUD) and not tech savvy (sometimes she would say "OK I'm up" instead of "Alexa stop") so I could also reset or turn off the alarm from my cell phone whenever I needed to.
You can also program a special message. For instance, my Mom would constantly leave her phone off the hook and forget to return it. So I would program the Echo - "Mom, your phone is off the hook. Put your phone back on the hook!" This was a Godsend for me, as well as the remote cameras (I used Wyze brand). I can't recommend them enough for convenience and peace of mind - and neither item is expensive nor hard to hook up. Best of luck!
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MichelleWTX99 Aug 2021
Wow. My mom lives with me and this still could save me a lot of time and frustration. Thanks!
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Your mother needs a higher level of care.

Get a "needs" assessment from the local Area Agency on Aging. Make sure you are there to guarantee the accuracy of what they are being told.
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You might ask around and see if anyone is using a caregiver from outside of the facility. They might have someone who would be able and willing to stop by your mom's for an hour to help her get up, dress, and eat breakfast, and only charge you for an hour a day.
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Ahamner Aug 2021
I agree !! I have a client that I do just that.!
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Pay for the care package and use all that you can.
As an aside, there are shake and wake alarms for deaf people. They vibrate the bed.
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I liked the responses of letting her sleep. My mom is a night owl and now that she is 84 and in assisted living, I got her a echo show 8 so I can drop in to see her. I also got a nanny cam so I know when she is there. When she was living with us, I put a smart plug on her lamps and had them turn on at a certain time in the morning to wake her. I also have Alexa tell her what time it was. (Note: if you tell Alexa to speak slower, she will! And you can have her repeat 3 times). I found that mom is sleeping more and more but will also keep the schedule at times. I just stopped worrying about it and pray for her. She has snacks in her room and ensure. She has the schedule on her Echo Show of the routines (I linked her calendar and add the activities I think she would like). She goes out when she wants and stays in when she wants and is content. I keep in touch with activities director who, without additional charge, will invite mom to events or specials that are not on the calendar. I really liked the comment on something that shakes the bed but mom would have to love that for it to work. Note: I was fussing with mom about getting up for her meals several months ago and felt bad about it…I prayed about it and when I called mom to apologize I told her that I had forgotten she had a DNR and that I needed to stop making her miserable with my demands/requests. I told her that since we both believe that our days are numbered by the Lord, I have to be okay with her actions and trust that God will care for her. Mom has been wonderful since then. There are times she sleeps through her meals, but she is going most of the time. It appears that when I stopped pushing, she stopped pushing back. We are both at peace now.
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MichelleWTX99 Aug 2021
This was really helpful. I believe guidance and peace from the Lord really is priceless. Sometimes we need His help discerning which battles to walk away from because they don't need to be fought or because He needs to handle them.
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On your profile you wrote: "I am caring for my mother Terry, who is 89 years old, living in independent living with age-related decline and vision problems."

Your mother is nearly 90 years old. It's time for you to tell her that she is getting the assisted services available at the *bargain* price of $500 per month because she needs to get up, do her morning toilette, eat her breakfast, and be ready for what her day holds. If she needs a mid-afternoon nap keep it to about 30-minutes.

She needs the assisted services to avoid landing in the hospital again. Hospitals at her age are especially dangerous. Have you heard about hospital-acquired infections?

But also recognize that your mother is nearly 90 years old and, at that age, her body may be slowing down, which is natural. Support her by making sure that she accepts the assisted services she deserves.

When we were going through this with my in-laws we played up the "this is peace of mind for all of us" angle. It took several conversations and us being a "peace of mind" broken record but we got it done.
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Some questions:

Does she drink coffee or anything with stimulants to keep her awake at night?
Does she have heavy meals at night?
Does she snack at night before bedtime?

Is there some way you can get a package of turkey for her to nibble on before bedtime?  Turkey contains tryptophan and helps to induce sleep.

Is she taking any evening medicines that cause her to sleep more?  Or be physically fatigued?

Also, Beatty's 2 questions are equally relevant.
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sounds like she would be better in a NH where they have routines set up in place.......time to sleep at night (bath time, meals, etc). they will wake her up in the morning whether she likes it or not. I don't think they want them sleeping past their breakfast and then trying to get her up/moving before lunch. IF she has the funds, that would be the route to use, if she doesn't have the funds, get in touch with an elder attorney with help in the medicaid process or the local office of aging, or even the NH will help with that process...........wishing you luck.
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My mom, in her Nursing Home, was allowed to sleep in and wake up late. She would generally eat breakfast in bed and the aides would dress her after breakfast.
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