I will stay and watch over mom on the nights my brother has to work. My mother had many falls, which I have decided to put her on Life Alert. Her doctor had put mom on meds, changed them and reduced them at different times. All of this plus the stays in rehabilitations were all to help diagnose the falls. I'm starting to believe that these meds had affected my mother in other ways. My mother sometime would address me as though I was someone else and speak to me about me. Sometimes I would correct her, but most of the time I would just listen. It seems like mostly in the evening when I'm their mom be talking like she is in a group home with other people when she is in fact in the house, she and dad purchased 48 years ago. My brother lives with my mother; they are the only ones in that house. Due to my mother's condition, she stay in the house unless my brother or I take her to her doctor's appointments. I was with mom last night and another conversation about the group home she is in; and I told my brother about it and whether he mention about the hallucinations with her doctor on the visits. He said no, and I said, 'no more of she's fine', this will have to be brought up on the next visit. I asked him if he needed me to come with him to help explain this. He said he would handle it. I just wished I was overreacting about mom's experience. I would have dreams of me visiting mom and dad siting in the kitchen having a normal conversation.
Methinks you're being told what BROTHER wants to tell you and being kept in the dark about the truth here. Many men cannot handle a dementia dx in a loved one, especially a mother.
What are the two of you NOT clear on. You already feel mother isn't capable of reaching out for help and needs 24/7 monitoring.
Seems mother and son live together.
Who is the POA? Rather which of you is the POA? If mom isn't capable of making her MD appointments for assessment, for her exams, who IS responsible for that.
Sees all this needs to be worked out, you and brother together, if it is his intention to live with mom and be her caregiver. And that a full assessment of mom's mental and physical needs needs to be done. Also, if brother is caregiver, then a care contract for some compensation should be worked out. If mom needs monitoring at all times then there are going to be caregiving costs to be paid.
This all should be worked out, and likely with an elder law attorney.
I agree that this is probably not medication-induced, and that it could be Sundowning from dementia.
I also agree that your brother may not be handling this situation.
How old is your Mom?
Why did her doctor put her on meds to begin with? For the falls? Yet she still falls? Dementia can alter one's gate, which can turn into more of a shuffle, which can contribute to falling. But as we age and lose muscle mass, our balance can also be impacted. Or it can be an inner ear issue, a blood pressure issue, etc. She needs a thorough physical in person, with lab work, plus a cognitive test.
Are either you or your brother the PoA for your Mom? If not, it may not be too late for her to get this in place with the help of an attorney. If she doesn't have someone who is legally able to manage her medical and financial affairs, then getting her proper care in the future may become unnecessarily difficult and she's in danger of becoming a ward of a court-assigned legal guardian, which is better than no guardian IMO.
I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you help your Mom get appropriate care.
Are you sure that you can trust your brother to talk to your moms doctor about this? The fact that he hasn't already should be a big red flag to you.
Perhaps it best that you contact moms doctor via the patent portal or write them a note explaining exactly what is going on with her.
I guess the upside to this is if your mom does need to be placed in a nursing facility it may not be all that upsetting to her as she believes she's already in one.