My Mom and Dad live 4.5 hours from me and I just moved my Dad here to a nursing home. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Follow
Share

My Mom was going to send his insurance cards and information with him. She sent nothing. My Dad is 86 years old and caregiving for the elderly is completely new to me. I don't work, but care for my grand babies although I am cutting back on that and told my kids they need to find other child care. My Dad is supposed to be getting physical therapy like he was where he used to live, but here, he told them he doesn't want PT. He is basically bed ridden. I feel so overwhelmed with everything and so unorganized. He's been here since Saturday night. The nursing home did have him sign a POA so I can handle his health. I want to get copies of his health records from this nursing home as well as his past hospital stays and past nursing home. Is that possible? Do I need all of that? I just want to make sure he is receiving the best care possible. My emotions are all over the place which totally is unlike me. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I'm not menopausal, lol. My husband and kids are very supportive and have also been helping to oversee his care. My Mom moves here December 15th, but we will have to somehow get her moved. I guess I just want my Dad to get better, but I doubt he will. He's had issues for years and this last episode was started when he broke his back last June. I guess I just don't know exactly what to do. I'm trying my best but feel overwhelmed. I keep apologizing to the nurses telling them I'm sorry if I'm bugging you, but I've never done this before. I've been trained in bereavement counseling as well as caregiving, but I don't know how to do it myself I guess. Any advice you have would be much appreciated!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
11

Answers

Show:
Haha yeah, I am. It’s good she is like that to an extent and I wish I was more than like that. I have so much crap I’ve saved over the years that it’s ridicukous!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Respect her neat freak obsession! When the time comes, my kids would envy you so much! My house is really too big for me now, but the thought of getting everything ready to move is so overwhelming I'll stay here.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thanks so much!!! My Mom does have somebody helping her at her home and I was able to get my dads medical records. The social worker at the nh has been so nice about helping me figure stuff out. My mom would never let us get her now. She a neat freak and gets obsessed with stuff but is getting ready to move.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

 DEAR KAREN 139;If your dad is in a nurseing home ...make an appointment with the social worker that's their job to get medical records ..does your mom have a neighbor to help her until you get there?or just get your mom and leave the house empty have a neighbor watch the house ,and offer them some money....if you had mom, also it will be much easier to get the all medical records and you'll feel better knowing mom is safe with you ,also mom can be at nursing home spending time with your dad. Don't worry it will all work out!! I moved my aunt 1200 miles my 2 sons husband & myself cleaned out her house and moved her 1200 miles just the 4 of us ....it'll happen ,and it'll all fall into place.... GOD won't give you more than you can handle!! Just be patient.I do believe that the patient that refuses physical Therapy has 5 refusals before they quit on him....maybe that's changed ..your in my prayers I honestly feel your heartache and pain GOOD LUCK !! I will pray for you
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks so much!!! The encouragement has been awesome! I’m still trying to learn how to do this. I bought a binder today and folders for it and forgot to buy a 3 hole punch lol. I did get copies of my dad’s insurance info and stuff. I’ve been finding out about some diagnosis that don’t match what I was told but I figured as much would happen because both of them haven’t been able to understand stuff for awhile.

My mom still drives and lives in a small retirement community. She can hire movers and packers and I told her I would drive her down here and help her. She’s been sorting through her stuff. We found her a place to rent starting December 15th. So much to do it’s overwhelming!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If he was in a different state remember that Medicare enrollment is now. You are going to change doctors so make sure your choices are on the list. Include mom and her insurance as well. Are you going back to move mom? My mother was clueless. Consider that she will not know how to pack. Get a moving company lined up now. You have to schedule a date. You may find things back at her home to throw away. It took my brother and I about 2 weeks of working at her home including a trash container. Also consider selling off furniture or lining up a donation site. Moving belongings then deciding what is trash may cost more to bring with her.
One other piece of advice, if you are looking for insurance cards or certain documents you will have to look through every item in the house. My parents kept tax forms and bills as far back as 1988. If I did not sift through every item, I would have missed a real stock certificate.
Your dad is having whatever best care he can receive but concentrate on mom
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Bless you -- I remember being where you are now: overwhelmed! Do take time to take care of yourself--physically, mentally and emotionally. I too gave up caring for grandchildren while my siblings gave up nothing. The bitterness was so difficult to overcome. Add to that, the stress made made someone that even I didn't like. No easy answers, and I'm sure you'll have sleepless nights. Come here to vent and for compassion.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

"I guess I just want my Dad to get better, but I doubt he will." I wonder if perhaps part of what you are feeling is a kind of mourning. Dad isn't gone yet, but you are afraid he won't get better. Many caregivers mourn for the losses along the way. Sometimes it can help to recognize that.

Dad broke his back in June. What is the maximum PT could hope to achieve for him? Is he likely to every walk again? Would he be able to transfer more easily from the bed to a wheelchair, for example? If PT is successful, what will he be able to do that he isn't doing now? That is what I'd emphasize when talking to him about it. And if he decides that the small possible gain isn't worth the effort, could you be OK with that decision?

What were his other issues before the broken back?

You've accomplished a great deal just getting him close enough for his family to visit him, and for you to advocate for him. Don't think you have to do everything all at once. The NH will meet all of Dad's immediate needs. Focus on this big move for Mother. How is her health? Where will she be living?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Karen, WHEW you do have a lot on your plate. BUT know that it will get done! And, getting your folks nearer to you is VERY wise, in my opinion. Is your Mom moving into your home?
If finances allow, get as much help as possible. Moving companies will come in and move your Mom (but where is all of her stuff going?) I agree with the notebooks - one for your Dad's care --- what has been done and what needs attention. One for the logistics of the move. As Farmjelly says, some things will fall in the cracks but you can catch up along the way.
I would encourage Dad to do the PT. He misses your Mom and perhaps that can be a motivator to get out of bed --- her impending arrival. Keep us posted and don't be afraid to ask specific questions.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Farmjelly gives excellent advice. Divide and conquer. Dad is ok in the facility, so don’t concern yourself with that for now. Set aside a corner of your house with a desk if you don’t have a place like that just yet. I wish I had. Put papers in marked folders, I.e. medical (such as hospital and doctor notes, medication lists, etc.) Another for any Insurance papers you might receive from anywhere. Put your POA papers, their wills, their household papers, other medical papers, Social Security cards, Medicare cards, financial records, and such in other folders. Keep any and all receipts. At some point, some medical-related company in regards to payment will send you a letter saying “You didn’t pay this!” And you can produce the check copy and say, “Oh, yes I did and here’s PROOF!”

Get to know the people at the NH. Learn their schedules—lunch times, rest times, etc. observe the aides and nurses and learn which ones will take the time to speak with you, the ones who great you when you walk in and the ones who simply walk by.

Divide and conquer is the best way, I learned. I was caring for my mom and hubby at the same time for 3 years. I had double the paperwork and it wasn’t easy. For Christmas this year. I’m asking Santa for a paper shredder!

Good luck and keep us updated!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.