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I'm trying to understand this. Just today my dad called me and said, "Well I cut and trimmed the grass and then I did all the laundry and your mother doesn't even know it was me that did it." He said my mom came into the living room after he did all the chores (because he was relaxing for a few minutes) and said, "All you do here is watch TV so why don't you just go home to your wife and stop hanging around here and go watch TV at your own house." Why can't she see my dad's face and another thing, why can't she recognize his voice either? I want to know what is going on in her brain more than anything.

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It’s like a computer when bits & pieces get deleted & then your computer gets slow after awhile unless you run a cleaning program. In the brain with Alzheimer’s plaque builds up & gunks up the flow of information, blood & oxygen & bit by bit stored information areas shrink & die. In dementia the billions of electrical connections in the brain which process information start to be lost cause the brain to ‘short circuit.’
You may be able to get a social worker, home health nurse or dr to come to home for an assessment. Call hospice & insurance & see what’s available. You could also try Area Agency On Aging, County Social Services, AARP or United Way. Let them know she refuses to go & ask them to wear regular clothes & be discreet. There are medications that may help!
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dlpandjep Apr 2019
Brilliant analogy!
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She could have a UTI on top of the Dementia. You really need to get her to a neurologist. There is medication that could help. She may be mad because she has no idea what is happening to her and a strange man is living in her house. There could be other problems, dehydration. Low potassium. She really needs lab work. Fib a little. Tell her you r taking her for a nice ride and end up at the doctors. Like suggested call Office of aging or APS and ask them how to handle it. Showing aggression is not good. What if she gets violent with Dad. To her he is a stranger.
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redsnappa7764 Apr 2019
She will NOT go to the doctor. She's mean and evil. My mom is not herself anymore and I know this is a disease. This has been going on since January after my dad was in the hospital for about a week. This hospital stay must've really thrown my mom for a loop because she's never been the same since, plus she is hallucinating and delusional. I know we've got to get her to a doctor but I'm trying to figure out how to do it. What I am struggling with is how come her brain won't let her see my dad or hear him? She thinks he is a friend or brother of my dad's. She will call me on the phone and tell me she cannot find my dad and he's sitting right there in his chair! And currently she is mad at me too so I have been banned for going to my mom and dad's house! I would never be able to even get her out of the house. She's already tried getting violent with my dad. She tried to put her hands around his throat the other night. (He's 85). She said she wanted to choke the life out of him.
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This might be more common than you'd think with some types of dementia

if her behavior is becoming more unstable then you may need to trick her to going to the appointment and don't tell her in advance just say you have an errand and need her to go with you and then take her for lunch or pie and coffee afterwards
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redsnappa7764 Apr 2019
She will NOT go to the doctor. She's mean and evil. My mom is not herself anymore and I know this is a disease. This has been going on since January after my dad was in the hospital for about a week. This hospital stay must've really thrown my mom for a loop because she's never been the same since, plus she is hallucinating and delusional. I know we've got to get her to a doctor but I'm trying to figure out how to do it. What I am struggling with is how come her brain won't let her see my dad or hear him? She thinks he is a friend or brother of my dad's. She will call me on the phone and tell me she cannot find my dad and he's sitting right there in his chair!
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Try looking thru photos with her that have her & your dad in them, you & your parents. You could also post a few where she’ll see them every day. She may remember him as he looked when he was young but not how he looks now.
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redsnappa7764 Apr 2019
Hi Shelby and thank you for writing back to me. Yes my dad has tried looking through photos. It's like she knows the man in the photo but she doesn't know the man in her house! (young photos and present day). It's so weird. And then when he keeps reinforcing to her that he IS her husband, boy she gets mad! She wouldn't let him sleep in their bed the other night so my dad came over to my house and slept on my couch. She drew back her fist and was going to punch him so he felt it best to leave. I have thought about reaching out to someone and having them come to their home but I know how she is and she would go hide in her bedroom and be extremely mad somebody was there. My once loving mother has turned into the devil. I don't like to say that but I know it's the disease but I will tell you that my dad says she gets the most evil look in her eyes when she's going ballistic! I have not seen this because I have been banned. She is mad at me because my dad slipped up and said "Your daughter thinks you have alzheimer's and wants you to go to the doctor." So now she's mad and me and talks about me something terrible. It's all bad. I'm very worried about my dad's safety but he won't do anything about it. I feel stuck.
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http://www.kipda.org/aging_social_services/

call these people tomorrow and tell them what’s going on.
If you don’t get the help you need from KIPDA,
You may have to get your dad to call the police when she gets angry. You could call an ambulance but they might not be able to get her to go. So if she’s violet the police should be willing to help.
Ask them to take her to the ER. A UTI can cause much of this and all she needs is the right antibiotic. A UTI can be toxic. She could die. She can hurt your father. You need to take action.
Dont argue with her or try to persuade her. You’ve already seen that doesn’t work. She needs medication. It’s your father you have to persuade. This is not about how much he can put up with. He needs to get her help.
Call them and get her help.
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redsnappa7764 Apr 2019
Thank you so much for the link. I will call them today. I know what needs to be done but it's convincing my dad that will be the hurdle. I appreciate your help!
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Mum's best friend had early onset alz. It was only a couple years before she no longer recognized her husband. She called the police, accused him of rape, when she woke up one night and they were in bed together, she was ok when they went to bed.

One day she took a knife to him.

It is a terrible disease. Luckily Mum's friend was willing to go to the doctor and still recognized some people. Sometimes she would recognize that she knew someone, but she would not know which person it was.

My neighbour had vascular dementia, she could not tell the difference between the sexes any more. It was discombobulating for my daughter, in pig tails and a dress to be called a little boy.

If you cannot get your mother to the doctor, then you need to have someone come to the house to assess her. If she locks herself in her room so be it, but perhaps you can remove the locks from interior doors ahead of time.
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redsnappa7764 Apr 2019
That's scary about the knife but I know it could happen because she thinks my dad is a stranger. I'm going to call Social Services in my area today and see if they have any suggestions. Thank you so much for your story and help.
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I was my mom's daughter for 60+ years and there were times she did not know me.

Her sister had been her sister for 75+ years and mom did not know her.

She had a sister that passed away 60 years ago and she often wanted to call her as well as her parents that passed years ago.

Her hubby? They had known each other for most of their lives, married on mom's 80th birthday, there were many times she did not know him. Yet she loved holding his hand.😍

This is dementia, very difficult at times, for all.
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Was this a sudden change in her memory? Did something happen prior to this memory loss? Did she fall and hit her head? Or was she having memory lapses for a while now.

Whatever the case, you need to take her to see her doctor asap and possibly a neurologist to see what is going on in her brain.
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The elderly can get very confused from an infection, particularly with a UTI (urinary tract infection). It can cause confusion and delusions. She would need an antibiotic to clear it up. Then she may remember who your dad is again.

If this is dementia, then your mom can’t recognize your dad because that part of her brain is “broken”.
The temporal lobe of the brain is responsible for recognizing people. There are plaques and tangles that interfere with normal brain function. They clog the pathways that are needed to think clearly. It’s not her fault.

Either way your mom needs to be checked. The hard part is finding a way to make that happen. Is she close with another family member or neighbor? If so, enlist their help to get her to a doctor. Maybe she could go with your dad to a (fake) doctor’s appointment for him.

This problem won’t go away. The sooner you find out what’s causing her behavior, the better.
Good luck and God bless you all.
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