My mom acts like she has dementia to get attention?

Turn it back on her. Let her overhear a conversation with ur husband saying "Seems Mom has Dementia. If so, I cannot care for her so maybe time for an AL if she can afford it or a NH."

Are u sure Mom was not always like this? Now ur living with her you just are more aware of it.

Maybe she would do better in IL or an AL. She would have people to interact with. Activities and transportation to shop and go to appts.

A quick story -

At this point in time my mother had recently been released from a three week rehab stay - that had been the result of a fall. The fall itself hadn’t done any real damage but the ER trip did show a UTI and cellulitis.

However - mentally, my moms dementia had gone from mild to high end moderate overnight. The doctors were mystified and ran several tests - more than one CATSCAN and more than one MRI. These tests showed that her brain had atrophied some and there was a bleed the size of a “pencil point”.

Anyhoo - mom fell again and I - of course - ran to the ER to be with her. Together we were in her cubical for about two hours waiting for test results. Honestly, she seemed fine. I left for a couple of minutes to go to the bathroom.

When I returned to her cubical, mom looked at me and said “Rain, when did you get here?” I was alarmed to say the least. “Mom”, I said - “I’ve been here for two hours, don’t you remember?” To which she replied “no” and went on to talk off the wall nonsense. I became extremely concerned and when the doctor finally arrived I was near panic.

The doctor heard her talking and became very concerned as well. After all - her brain scans showed no new damage. So - the doctor started talking about more tests and admitting her...

It was at this point - when mom realized she was looking at being admitted - that she decided enough was enough - and she busted up LAUGHING. Yep. Mom was having a good ole time yanking my chain. When I got mad - mom said “Oh Rain, you’re too sensitive”. Nice.

So - the moral of my story? Just because they actually do have dementia - as my mother did actually have and had been demonstrating for the past couple of years - it DOES NOT mean that they still aren’t capable of manipulation.

Acting contrary to your requests doesn't mean dementia. If your concerned have her dr. give her a simple dementia evaluation on her next visit. Most PCPs are doing that routinely now.

What diagnostic tests have been done to assess your Mom? It does sound as though she has some dementia from the little you tell us. There are many dementias (Lewy's would be one) that have good days and bad days and up and down and all over the map. Curious what kind of workups have been done.

Sounds like she has cognitive decline. You can know for sure by taking her to her doc for a cognitive test. You can tell her a "therapeutic fib" to get her there (like, Medicare or SS now requires an annual physical). Go with her and hand the doc or staff a pre-written note requesting a cognitive exam being specific about what symptoms you are concerned about -- like her memory -- and also test for UTI (which in the elderly can have no symptoms other than confusion or personality/behavior changes). They will be happy to do this...they do it all the time. At this appointment be sure to ask for the Medical Representative form and have your mom fill it out naming you as her Med. Rep. You will need this form to communicate with her doctor and visa versa, even if you are her medical PoA. Knowing where she's at cognitively will help you understand what's going on. You may also want to get her hearing tested for the same reason. If she is diagnosed with decline there are great Teepa Snow videos on YouTube that will educate you as to what is ahead for the both of you. Good luck!

Sounds like she is bored.