My MIL's sister has passed and she wished to be scattered over the SF bay. MIL and FIL are both in wheelchairs and there’s no boat ramp. Any suggestions?

I revisited the issue with so. He fully agrees that it’d be unsafe to transport them in anything but a full chair equipped vessel including them being in chairs the whole time. It would take a commercial ferry to keep the boat steady enough so they could use the can, even.

This is their way of saying Good Bye

They should'n risk their well being just to carry out the decease person's wishes. They should wait until the right opportunity emerges. I'm sure there was not a dateline set to carried it out. The ashes will never spoil and the dead person won't get any older, even if it's necessary for another generation to do it.

Peggy, it's posts like this that really have me shaking my head at this whole family dynamic that you are involved in.

You have previously stated that your SO's parents are incredibly wealthy. Here is a PERFECT opportunity for you and him to set some boundaries: "sorry, MIL/FIL, this just seems way too dangerous for ALL of us, including your son - whose very livelihood depends on his physical well-being. He cannot take chances with his health carrying you up a gangplank (or whatever the set-up is) onto a boat. End of discussion. If this is something you feel you need to do, then you're going to have to find your own solution/transportation options to accomplish it."

Why on Earth would either you or SO risk your own health to make this memorial happen? That you're asking here if we think it would be OK is showing that you have some serious doubts about the entire situation. If I were you, I'd run with those gut instincts and tell MIL you and SO are out.

Who says they have to be on a boat in the middle of the bay? I'd be throwing up out there as well as freezing to death.

Is there no spot where they could be on land and scatter the ashes (which will blow right back in their face) at the water's edge? Even at the marina where the small boat is located would work.

Could they get to where the boat is docked, have a small meaningful farewell, and wave the boat off as it leaves the harbor to scatter the ashes?

Not precisely what they want, but still participatory and safer?

Good luck!

When my mother was using a walker & unsteady on her feet, she refused to even go to her beloved grandson's wedding which was being held at a big home up in the Rocky Mountains. The ceremony was being held outside, on flat ground, no big deal. Everyone offered to drive her, carry her, do everything in their power to ensure her safety & comfort the entire time, yet she still refused; she was petrified she'd lose her balance & fall. THIS coming from the same woman who'd fallen (at that time) at least 40x already at her apartment in the AL where she lived. A woman very very well versed in falling and NOT getting hurt.

So you're wanting to take 2 people who can 'sort of walk in the house' but 'elsewhere they've been in wheelchairs' on a boat without a ramp, to scatter ashes in the bay. I take it you are NOT bringing their wheelchairs; that the strong sons are carrying them up the stairs onto the boat? And the spouses will flank them. It's more worrisome for the SONS to be carrying these women up the stairs, imo; what if they fall? That scenario reeks of danger.

Why can't you find a spot on the dock to go to where the ashes can be dumped off from?

Your question is, is that enough to keep them safe getting on and off the boat? Who knows? I guess you'll find out if you go through with this plan! Good luck. I wouldn't do it; bringing mobility impaired elders on a boat in the first place is a questionable decision, it really is, IMO!

A friend requested that his daughter and I scatter his ashes on an oceanfront mountain in Acadia Nat. Park. Kris and I got the proper paperwork. On the assigned day and time we went to the Park to the mountain. The wind was blowing straight in from the north Atlantic with a heavy mist. We poured the ashes down a crack in the rocks not into the wind but it was a still a mess. I would never agree to do that again. My own plans do not include anything out of the ordinary.

For her ashes to be scattered over the bay your inlaws don't need to be present. Ask the person who has the yacht if they are willing to do this for them.
Also know, as the poet, author and undertaker Thomas Lynch says, the dead don't care. He posits that there is nothing you can do "with them, for them, or about them" that will make a difference TO them. I understand the magical thinking on all this, but the spreading of ashes often entails a wind in the wrong directions causing envelopment in a cloud of them for the living.
If they are very invested I hope you find a way, but one that is not a risk of injury to the living.
There are many access points with beaches around the bay, but I don't know of any with ramp access myself and it's where I live. I hope others might.