Hi all, I am brand new here today, and fell in love with everyone's posts from the other discussions.
My FIL just called to say my MIL, who has advanced ALZ, was told by the doctor's that she has 2 weeks to live. She spent the last few days in the hospital due to being difficult to awaken in the AM, finally becoming unresponsive. She is not eating or drinking. Except for a UTI, they could not find anything else wrong with her, and discharged her home. I suspect they are not excessively testing due to her advanced state. As an RN who works in Long Term Care at a NH, I know this is her body saying it's had enough. It is so hard to evaluate since I am not there with her. I hope to get to speak with the Hospice nurse once she is in place. MIL has had ALZ for years and the last few she has needed complete help with her ADL's. She doesn't talk much if at all, but usually follows directions given to her. All care has come from my FIL. They are both 78. It's so hard because we live 700 miles apart, my FIL had no additional information to give us, except that he was told to get Hospice in place. My spouse is really struggling with the Dr saying 2 weeks. I tried to explain from my experience, she most likely couldn't live more than 2 weeks without food and water. Especially since she isn't really swallowing. He didn't like my answers, so I have backed off. We see them once a year because we live so far apart. I know my spouse is sad that this has come out of no where and it is his mom. My FIL has his other son close by so that is good for him. FIL is really upset, but he also knows this has been coming for awhile. He couldn't go anywhere with out her, but she didn't like to leave the house, so he was trapped at home. Good care was hard to find, even though he had enough money to pay for it. I hope at some point, I can lead him to this site. I found it so helpful and I think he would too.
I'm trying to convince my spouse that we need to make a trip to see her, come back and then wait for the phone call to come in. She will be buried near where we live. I've seen enough families in the NH to know that not going to see her now would be a mistake, and we shouldn't wait until she passes.
Our other issue is, we planned a vacation in a few weeks and as far as I know, nothing is refundable. I don't know if the condo owners will refund our money. I know I can change the airline tickets for a fee, but in total it was a lot of money. I know I sound selfish. I apologize. My spouse and I are both 50, and now that our kids are older, we finally have enough money for a nice vacation. I don't even know if we would have fun, especially him. What if she doesn't pass? I welcome any and all feedback. Just throwing my thoughts out there. Thank you for reading this long thread.
Faith
Separately she wonders about the vacation they have planned.
Two different issues.
Yes we are with them. It's been a long journey and not done yet. It's nice to be here and see them both.
Faith
Thank you all for your heartfelt responses. We made the trip and are with them now. Funny thing, MIL is doing a little better. A little fluid and antibiotics have plumped her up a little. She is being fed a little soft food like pudding. Hospice is still on board. They have been amazing!!! In the NH, we don't use Hospice as much because there is care and pain meds available, but they provide an awesome service that no one else provides. They helped my husband understand what he would not let me explain to him and have been a huge asset to my FIL. We postponed our trip. The condo owners were both so nice!! They refunded all of our money and wished us well. Now I am working on the airlines.
Thank you all again!!! You are all amazing people for helping out strangers in their time of need. I am going back and answering all of your posts individually.
Faith
Hugs