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My brother in law feels he is entitled to more than a one half share and that he should get first pick of all assets. He feels this way because he lived next door to my mother in law for 14 years and took care of all of her yard and home maintenance. My husband's problem with this is that his brother lived rent free for the 14 years he was taking care of his mother's yard and house. My husband's mother told my husband this years ago and asked if he had a problem with it. My husband said no, that he thought the situation was fair. My husband now feels his brother has already been compensated for the services he provided and that the estate should be split equally as the will indicates. Further, my husband did provide his mother with different types of assistance, just not yard and home maintenance. What do you think?

I'm sorry that your husband and his brother are focused on the stuff. Is there any grieving going on or are they only thinking about who gets what?
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Reply to Rosered6
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I actually hate this kind of stuff. Who gets what? It tears families apart. Personally, I say, put everything up for auction. Every bit. Nobody gets to "claim" anything. If you want it, you bid on it, against any other interested parties. When it's all said and done, you both had equal access to keep it or sell it. My parents had this happen with my grandfather's guns. My dad and two of his brothers owned guns, the other 5 didn't. But they drew numbers to see who got first dibs. Since 5 knew nothing about guns, they ended up fighting because they didn't know if the gun they were picking was of any value. Get over the monetary value of items. It's just money. Relationships can't be bought.
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Reply to armynurse70
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Each son gets to pick something in sequence. i.e. Every other. Draw straws or flip a coin for who goes first.

No one gets to pull everything they want first.
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Reply to brandee
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The will rules.
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Reply to brandee
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I think this is no time to squabble over their late mother's wishes which are explicit. Half each, done and done, regardless of "who did more" for her etc.

Let it all go and respect the woman's wishes and the executors plan to divvy up her assets. Relationships are permanently ruined over nonsense like this, and your BIL should be told that in no uncertain terms.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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As long as you have the original and not a copy it is the duty of the Executrix to follow instructions in legal instrument.
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Reply to liz1906
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Assets should be divided according to the Will.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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I think the assets should be divided equally as will states. The brother lived rent free and while it may have required additional work than that taking care of mothers yard and house then he should have requested a contract and reimbursement for services above the original agreement. Is your husband 100% sure he wasn't compensated for additional services?

I do empathize with your husband because this situation can be disastrous for any type of relationship. Is he willing for that to occur?
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Reply to AMZebbC
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Whoever is the executor has to do exactly what the will says. It is LEGALLY REQUIRED. So if your BIL tries to take more than his share, your husband can take action with the probate court.
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Reply to MG8522
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If you can't resolve it amicably, maybe consider a family mediation in court (so, not a lawsuit but a neutral mediator).

What would your BIL have paid in rent for all those years? But then how much daily help did he provide, on call and 24/7? Was your MIL sick before she passed? Did BIL take care of a sick and/or cognitively impaired person for some of those years? The "value" of caregiving of a LO is often something that cannot be quantified.

Also, did your BIL give up things in order to caregive your MIL? Did he work less, retire early? Did it impact his social life or mental health?

I'm not taking a side, but just want to point out that if you and your husband weren't doing the daily hands-on caregiving there is a LOT you don't know about what it fully entails.

Your MIL might have written her Will before the bulk of the caregiving took place.
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Reply to Geaton777
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armynurse70 Jan 16, 2026
Exactly. I served in the military 22 years and wasn't able to see my parents often. Meanwhile, 3 of my brothers and a nephew had their driver's licenses revoked permanently due to multiple DUIs. They were constantly moving in and out of my parent's home where even to this day, 2 of them are living there. My parents are 85 and 83 by the way. I live 1000 miles away because my kids live on the East Coast. Now, they say I abandoned mom and dad. I say, my brothers have lived a life of drug and alcohol abuse that left them dependent on my parents for the majority of their life. To the point that my parents could never enjoy fully their retirement because they became a taxi service to my brothers. Now, my brother is attempting to get guardianship and it's all about who is getting what and how they split everything, leaving me completely out of it. Personally, I don't care if I get nothing, I am retired. I do care that my brother will take over $1million in assets and live the rest of his life drunk and high.
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You can't make changes to a Will without a lot of problems. My brother was left Moms house, he did not want it. I had to go to a lawyer and have house put back into the estate. Cost money to do that. There are tax ramifications too. You need to stick to the Will and let brother contest it in the final accting. See a lawyer or have the lawyer handle probate.

And tell BIL you know he lived rent free in exchange for the things he did.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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There is a will.
There is an executor of the will.
Anyone's "feelings" don't, at this point, matter.

Surely it is clear to any and all in this situation that the one brother, simply virtue of living next door, got THE BRUNT of the care more than just in getting out a lawn mower. He will have been responsible for likely daily calls. Lights are out. Sink is clogged. Blah blah.
BUT he should, if he expected compensation, have taken it at that time by some care contract for monthly maintenance, whatever. He can't do it now. He can contest the will, but that will simply eat up the assets of the estate. Up to him.

Now, here you are.
There is a will.
There is an executor of the will who is responsible to settle the estate per the dictates of the will.
And that is that.
Issue is over and done with.

If brother number two, who DIDN'T do it all-- who didn't save 1,000s of dollars of this estate by being cook and bottle washer as well as the transportation and shoulder to weep upon--if that brother who skated free wishes to give some more of the estate to brother who DID DO ALL OF THAT STUFF? He should do so, and good on him.

This is entirely an issue of LEGAL versus EMOTIONAL. The two don't play well together.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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