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She's in a full-time care facility and continually asks us to get her a phone. When she had a landline in the hospital, she called all hours. She was eventually moved to a facility with no phone line, and my sister-in-law got her a cell phone. She'd burn through the minutes in a day calling random numbers because she can't remember how to use the phone. I gave the phone back to my SIL because of the frustration it was causing my MIL. She would always think the phone was broken and it was out of minutes, nothing but random numbers that she had called (she forgets where she has put the laminated cards I made her with our names and phone numbers on each card). Now, she is insistant on getting a cell phone because _____. (Fill in the blank because it's something different each time.) She needs a phone because they're beating her up, someone came and had a gun, someone was trying to kidnap her, someone was stealing her stuff, etc. Reasoning does no good. I tell her I'm working on it, but she's persistent. I just don't know how to handle this. I was her caregiver before the police had to break into her home and we found her unresponsive and hours from death. She trusts me and I don't want to break that trust. I'm just at a loss.

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So sad. I have no answer. I can only say that I live the cellphone saga with you. We got my mother a Jitterbug cellphone last summer. She has called 8-10 times a day at stretches, leaving horrible ranting messages about how she's going to leave assisted living and move back to her home. At other times she claims her phone is broken. I'll go to her assisted living facility, turn her phone back on and tell her "okay Mother, it's working now." She wants an iPhone to look at pictures, yet when I got her an iPad for Christmas two years ago she couldn't work it. She's called me in the middle of the night to tell me the roof is leaking in her room (it isn't) or ask me when her next doctor's appointment is; the same appointment I told her about, complete with time, that same day. She'll call me and claim she was trying to call a friend. She can't dial numbers anymore, and it's hit and miss when she tries to call a pre-programmed number. She might call me, my wife, my daughters, who knows. It's to the point where I don't take most of her calls because I know if it's a real emergency the assisted living facility will call.
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"I'm looking into that, Mom" is a good general response.
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In the meantime, what about getting a child's 'look-a-like' toy phone. One that says things?

An example of one is on Amazon -
www.amazon.co.uk/Y-PHONE-Childrens-Toy-Y
Phone/dp/B011VP0NSG/ref=pd_vtph_21_lp_t_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=MSAN9PCE6NGESE5P69PF

Just a thought. :)
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Can you get a cell phone, preprogram your numbers, and block ability to call any others? On the other hand, I can see why you would not want her to have a phone, my dad is on his 3rd phone in 3 months, and calls constantly. We’ve finally told him that no more phones if this one is lost or damaged. I do not take his calls all the time as I also know if something happens the NH will contact us.
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Cellphones are just too complex for some of us old timers to use. I still use a flip phone and half the stuff I cannot figure out. I prefer to use my landline. I know how to use it, it's been ingrained in my mind since I was a kid over 60 years ago. The phone rings, you pick up the receiver, and if it is landline to landline the call is crystal clear.

On my cell phone, if it rings I have to remember to hit "send" in order to answer the call.... which makes no sense at all :P My sig other has to use a Smart Phone for work and he hates it with a passion.

When my Dad lived in Memory Care he had his own landline to use, but he would forget to dial 9 first, which was ok because who knows who he was trying to call.  Those in Memory Care that had no phones could use the lobby phone, again one would need to dial 9.  Usually one would give up being distracted by something else.
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I would continue what you are doing. Hopefully as her Dementia progresses she'll forget about a phone. I would not get her a phone for all the reasons you mention.
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This is so difficult on us. My dad used to do the same thing, only he wanted a credit card. He wouldn’t let up.
Finally, I got him a gift card that resembled a credit card.
He accepted it and never asked again. But, after a few days he started up with something else he had to have!
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I would keep putting it off saying you are working on it. A former neighbor of my Mom's when Mom had her condo but my Mom was in a NH for rehab, kept calling my Mom's number from the memory care facility she was in. She would yell into the message machine angry that Mom would not return her calls, not knowing my Mom was in a NH for rehab from a broken bone. This neighbor never called my Mom when she lived near her. I found out later she was calling everyone, all 100 residents in the condo complex, because she had saved a list of everyone's phone number. The calls finally stopped and I assume her family took her phone.
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I agree a phone would cause problems, as in cost, lost, broken, stolen, etc. Can always say the phone is misplaced but staff is looking for it. Or change the subject when she asks lol.
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The elderly have a tough time with cells, they are so small. A landline with limited features, the buttons are large, hearing can be elevated, etc. Also, check with your state because here in Indiana, mom has a CapTel phone that was free where it has a screen that she can read the conversation as well. Speed Dial so Mom has a list of top 10 people just push 1 button. Best of Luck
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Do not relent. Keep saying what you are saying. She doesn’t remember what you’ve said or what she's said. So of course she keeps asking and she can’t remember what you’ve told her either so just keep saying "I’m looking into it". There is a reason why people with dementia this severe shouldn’t have phones. When my dad was placed in a SNF/rehab for several months we finally took the phone away as he would call us instead of the nurse for his needs. He never called to visit...it was always a complaint we could do nothing about. So when I had to move him to LTC/NH I did not get him a phone as I knew it would be the same old story. He’s not able to reason and like your mom thinks things are stolen, hates the place etc and I knew I’d hear it. So no phone. Now what you could do is place a security camera up on a piece of furniture. You don’t even have to have it turned on and tell her you use it to keep an eye on things to keep her safe. Just a thought. Again, she won’t remember and that is the frustrating part.
If you can try to put the humor in it and see it as the same game over and over. That way it’s not as personal or frustrating. In your mind just think "here she goes again."
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If my mom was still having strong delusions I would do as you are doing. Put it off any way you can. I swore when I ever got the cell phone away from my mom I was going to beat it to bits with a sledge hammer. Boy that phone represents some bad memories. Now that shes in AL and doing better we have installed a landline. Her delusions are more "normal" with little paranoia. She calls lawyers, social security, the bank, and relatives constantly. Someday we may have to disconnect the phone, but we are trying to allow her some normalcy.
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If the facility has internet, with router, see if they will let you hook up a base phone that has cordless phones with charger. If they do and would allow the phone to be hooked up, you could purchase an Ooma device ($60-100, one time purchase fee) - it's an "internet phone" like Magic Jack, but cheaper in the long run, and use that to provide a landline phone.

After the Ooma device purchase (available everywhere, including Walmart and Amazon) the monthly charge is nominal - taxes and a VERY small fee. I have used Ooma for at least 5 years, and my monthly cost is less than $8. I love it.

And because the cordless handset sits in a charging cradle, it would be in MIL's room -- but the staff could "take it" after a certain time at night, if desired (some valid-sounding reason if needed, e.g., it needs to be charged, or needs to be checked, etc.).

And it's not as if the purchase would be wasted, if that didn't work out -- you could take it home and use it there. The phone number stays with the Ooma device, so the phone number moves to where the device is placed - works anywhere it can be hooked to an internet connection. Some people take theirs with them in their motorhomes - talk about a "portable" phone. _smile_
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PS -- forgot about the phone itself: You would need to get a phone -- an "expandable cordless phone" -- I have a Panasonic KX-TG9331T with 4 handsets (each handset is in different room with it's own charing base).

Good luck solving your problem.
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If you consider getting a phone at all, you might want to look at getting the Jitterbug or consider setting up a line with "child" controls. Verizon child controls include limiting both incoming and outgoing calls to known numbers and limiting the time of day when the phone can make calls.
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I just told my mom that she couldn’t have a cellphone where she was and if she needed me she could use the facility ‘s phone, the nurse had my number and she could call anytime. She soon forgot about having a phone and started obsessing about having a good comb. LOL! I bought a case of combs and take her a new one every couple of days.
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I'm having the phone fixed.
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Check out Consumer Cellular AARP plans, if you or MIL are members. Mine costs less than $30 per month for unlimited minutes. There are also other plans and easy to use phones available. Check out the AARP Cell Phone website.
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So many great answers! I have to do that with my MIL and the Kindle she had, she actually killed 3 Kindles so far and the last one wouldn't hold a charge. Each week she wants to know where her Kindle is and we keep telling her that we sent it to be fixed. That keeps her quiet for about a week.
When she was in rehab, my SIL got her a landline until the first bill came in. That stopped very quickly.
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The amazon phone seems like an excellent idea.
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Easy answer. Take the phone away. Period. End of story.
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Why can't you give her a not working phone, even a landline with the cord that's tucked into the dresser or no cord. Or a non working cell phone. She didn't tell you it had to be a working phone. We are all trying to be the best lest stress gets us caregivers.
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I am from California and I don't know where you are from but in our State, the phone company offers a phone with pictures of family members on it so all your Mom would have to do is hit the picture to put her call through. I don't think there are numbers that she would have to call. Hope this helps.
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Tperri123 wrote: ["the phone company offers a phone with pictures of family members on it so all your Mom would have to do is hit the picture to put her call through. I don't think there are numbers that she would have to call. Hope this helps."]

This is an excellent idea as are the ideas for the phone with child controls.

There are some caregivers who refuse a phone to an elderly person as a way to exert control and prevent them from calling other family members.

Also, if a person has POA, the fact that you refused your mother a phone, can cause a case for undue influence and self-dealing to be brought against the POA.

Use her money to pay for any stray phone calls. But, again, if you use the child controls you can control the numbers she is able to dial.

People with Alzheimers or dementia do often have moments of lucidity.

It seems odd that someone would want to deny their parent the ability to reach out to other family members, when a child control phone is available to limit charges.
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Hi muthrof3...I am not sure what the answer is but the look alike toy phone sounds like a good idea. I deal with something similar but my honey's issue is not from memory issues. My honey had strokes about 13 years ago and he has a tendency to fixated on something he wants or something he feels needs to be done and it is like tunnel vision. Sometimes I can sidetrack him, but other times it does not work. He gets very angry when he does not get what ever it is that he wants or whatever he wants done is not done as fast as he thinks it should be. He is getting better about it though. When I was caring for him at home, he could not stand to see me sit for 5 minutes. We finally had a talk about it and he eased up a little. Don't know if it is because I have spoiled him so much or from the strokes. Since he has been in the hospital I have finally been able to get a little rest. I agree, with all you have said I would not get her another phone at this time. Try sidetracking her.
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My mom was the same way. She wanted a phone, and that is all I heard when I went to visit her. Finally, I told her that there is no reception in the area, and she could not use a cell phone, and a landline is too expensive. Also, I told her there were a lot of scams out there that would be able to get access to her bank accounts. Just be creative, if you give in on the phone issue, when it comes time to take away the phone, it will be twice as hard. Best wishes.
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Hi. Do they have a house phone she can receive calls on? We had the I need a phone issue and didn’t get the folks one for all the reasons others have mentioned. I make sure to call the facility and speak to the folks daily on the house phone and I gave that number to the people the folks knew and asked the friends and family to call folks to keep them connected to outside world. Option 2. Give the folks an old cell phone or pick up a phone at a thrift store to plug in. Since it won’t work and it won’t matter if it’s lost, just having it, may be enough to placate your loved one. From my experience, when diversion doesn’t work, simulating sometimes does. I did this with credit cards( gave them one I had to cancel because they lost that credit card), play money in a wallet because they had to have money. Old keys to carry( real ones kept “getting stolen”, and the list goes on. Such a sad situation when the folks can’t remember how to dress themselves, but have OCD when it comes to wanting something and won’t let up asking for it or demanding it. It’s exhausting on the caretakers.
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Buy her a really cheap prepaid phone. My mother always lost hers, couldn't figure out how to answer it - but she likes having it. She's lost a bunch of them.
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Muthrof3:

To add, if your mother is totally incompetent and this has been verified.....then then the toy phone and play money may suffice, without exposing you to undue influence charges down the road.

If you mother has not been declared incompetent and is only partially impaired with moments of lucidity, you will be exposing yourself to undue influence charges by withholding the phone.
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Not a good idea to get her a phone even if you pre-program it. Even a locked phone can dial 911. That could be a problem. I agree with the person who said to get her a toy phone that looks real, or you could get her a cheap tablet that is not connected to the internet and tell her it's a new-fangled phone.
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