My MIL lives with us. I am her main caregiver and if my husband (her son) is not around we get along very well. As soon as my husband walks in the room or she hears his voice, my MIL starts to lash out at me. She always wants her son next to her and wants to hold his hand. I think my mother in law thinks my husband (her son) is her husband and I am the other women. Before my MIL husband died, she would accuse me of trying to steal her husband and also accused all of the caregivers/nurses of the same thing. My husband and I have been married for 42 years. My husband and I are starting to NOT be together when caring for his mother due to this problem. My MIL is to far gone in the disease to reason with - any suggestion?
You are amazingly kind to help your MIL, although she treats you terribly. I wouldn’t do it.
Be careful OP, with time she might lash out on you more and more, because she’ll get older and more and more unhappy.
It’s going to have to be up to you and your husband if you want to or are able to keep putting your own marriage aside , or come up with a different solution . Either hiring a caregiver to come into the house so you and your husband get couples time . Or if the problem is so severe that you think she needs to not live in your home any longer and go to memory care. I wish you luck .
If not, don't. MIL is very sick now and deserves to be in a place where professional caregivers can take care of her 24/7.
You need more support from your husband in order to get the best situation not only for mom, but for you.