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I was injured a month ago quite badly, I have son dying of cancer, work full time from home and I cannot stand my MiL living in my home. She is manipulative and my husband says he is in the middle and I'm the problem. She has called me a bitch in my own home. you can feel the stress dripping off the walls ever since she moved in. She overrides my decisions. I cannot stand it. My husband must take her everywhere, I will be in tears and he won't care. I want just time alone with him.
She pays for nothing but is wealthy enough to be a self funded retiree.
She is very subtle makes it look i am the problem. She comes into my room even when door is shut. Even when I was in hopt she changed things around in my home the way she wants them.
I just want to cry as my home for me is now pure misery, yet my husband says I am taking it out on him but he is not listening to what i have to say.
Please help me!

Help, welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry for all the problems, medical and personal that you are dealing with right now.

Is there some cultural expectation in your husband's/mil's background that the wife/dil submit in this way?

If so, I would start with solo therapy for you, to explore ways for you to cope with what is clearly a damaging and unsustainable situation.

I would consult a divorce attorney, because the facts on the ground are different in each state. Protect yourself first.

Wishing you the best. Let us know how it goes
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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I agree with Margaret. See a divorce attorney ASAP. DO NOT tell your husband or MIL. Have all your financial information ready to save time and to have advice on the whole picture. You are not initiating anything, but you are getting the information you need to protect yourself depending on what happens, and to possibly gain leverage to be able to evict your MIL.

Monitor all your accounts daily to make sure that your husband isn't doing anything detrimental behind your back. Since you said you pay for everything, consider moving your income into a separate account that your husband can't access, leaving your husband unable to use your money to pay for anything for his mother.

I'm very sorry about your son. Based on his age and the length of your marriage, I'm guessing your husband is not his father and your MIL is not his grandmother? That is NO justification for their coldness and heartlessness. But I imagine it makes you feel more alone in this situation. I'm very, very sorry.
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Reply to MG8522
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Your husband is the problem. Not only that, but your husband and mother seem to be united, leaving you on the outside. This is called triangulation.

You need to put yourself and your son first. That can't happen if you're in your home and caught up in the drama that MIL and husband create. They could choose to be supportive of you and your son but apparently do not. How can you put space between you and son and your husband and mother-in-law? Is it possible to separate, have your own quiet place, and concentrate on your own healing? With time left over to do what you need to do for your son? Is there a relative who would let you live with them for a while?

Find a lawyer who can advise you. Often the first visit with a lawyer is free. After you get some legal advice, you'll know your options. Be sure to ask the lawyer if you can kick husband and MIL out rather than you leaving your own home to these jerks.

I hope you find some good solutions, and my best to both you and your son.
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Help64 May 31, 2026
Hu Fawnby, Thank you for your kindness. It is greatly appreciated
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I have to agree that this definitely a marriage problem more than it is a MIL problem.
Any time a husband puts his mom before his wife that is a HUGE red flag.
If hubby won't agree to any marriage counseling I would pack my bags and move out to a nice peaceful apartment, see a divorce lawyer and let your sorry excuse for a husband live happily ever after with his mommy dearest.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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A husband's first priority has to be his partner/wife. That's really the bottom line. He needs to find her an alternate place to live. And, w/ an ill son, wow, what is it he and his mother don't understand??
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Help64 May 31, 2026
Hi Nan333 thank you for your kind words. It helped me realise im not going mad.
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I think you need a lawyer to put the situation to your H from an outside point of view. When you see the lawyer, take details of who owns your house, who earns what and who pays for what. Your H needs to see the legal issues, not just his own personal view point.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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This sounds more like a Marriage problem than a caregiving problem.
Few questions...
Why did she move in and were you consulted at all about this??

Have you considered counseling? Would he be willing to go? If not you should consider going yourself, you have a LOT going on and you need a safe place to talk and vent if necessary.

Are you doing any "caregiving" for her? If so STOP. Stop doing anything for her, let your husband care for his mother. Yup this means if she needs help in the bathroom, he helps. If she needs help bathing, he helps. If she needs help dressing, he helps.

If there is a slight possibility that this will lead to divorce you need to protect yourself and your child so talk to an attorney to help determine what your options are. This discussion does not necessarily mean you will divorce but it is to get information.

If you can find another place to work that will give you the privacy you need and a break from what is happening that might help as far as work goes. Maybe a library, a local coffee shop, the local park if the weather is nice. Even a friends house.
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Hope21 May 30, 2026
Great point—“stop all caregiving”!!!! Find somewhere else to work. Protect self by attorney consult.
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Is your son a minor, still undergoing treatment? Many children's hospitals have housing for families who are away from their own home. Perhaps you should speak with your son's social worker if he has one. Even if they don't have a facility available, the SW might have some ideas. Childhood cancer patients often respond to the environment in which they live. If your son is feeling any of the stress in the house, it might not be helpful for his battle with cancer. (I speak from experience.)
Perhaps having a talk with his SW and then letting that person confront your husband might be good, if Dad loves his son enough.
Women's shelter, maybe, if hospital is unable to help?
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Help64 May 31, 2026
Hi MTNester1, my son is 43. He had colon cancer 2 years ago but sadly it has spread. It is now in his brain, chest, and ankles.
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"I pay for everything, the mortgage, rates, everything”. Stop funding these two parasites. My Dad, an Army Colonel, always told me, "Cut off the enemy's line of supply first."

See a lawyer and lock up your funds from your husband. Get everything in order without mentioning your plan. Step one would be a "kick out" order (Temporary Restraining Order) which any Judge will sign under your circumstances to make it go into effect up to 3 years. Much quicker than an eviction. His Mother will get served and if she doesn't attend the hearing, you win by default. It takes about 3 days to get it signed and a Hearing date set, usually within a week.

It doesn't matter WHY his Mother is so awful, the fact is she is a parasite in your home. She is manipulative and disrespectful because that's what kind of person she is. Meanwhile ignore her and buy NOTHING for the household.

Tell Husband he's next, if he doesn't change his ways 100%. Six months of that B****H is enough. My second husband had Stage 4 colon cancer at age 33. So sorry you are going through this. But get that witch out of your home first. You need all your extra energy for your son, because he needs it. Good luck in this terrible situation you are in.
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PeggySue2020 Jun 2, 2026
A tro wouldn’t work outside of physical violence claims where I am and even then it’s no sure deal. Women’s shelters after all exist because violent men are occupying the woman’s home. For all we know the mom could just tro her back.
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I’ve just through your responses and am very sorry about your son’s heartbreaking diagnosis. You don’t need MIL in your home, most especially during such a difficult time. I hope you’re seeking legal advice on next steps and protecting yourself financially. Don’t underestimate what a manipulative MIL can do while she has such influence over her son. I wish you much courage, rest, and peace
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