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Hi, I am POA and my loved one is starving in a nursing home. They said he is mentally competent to refuse food. He is not in his right mind because I know him. I have tried to take him to the doctor and he says no to everything. My heart is breaking since they said not until he cannot speak can they take him to the hospital. And it is now lock down so we cannot get a doctor in to evaluate him. The nursing home said since he is competent we need guardianship. Can a judge grant us guardianship because he is harmful to his own self and cannot take care of himself? Eat, bathe, loose bowels. He is dying and he is a young man. Nothing is wrong with him except he went in for diverticulosis. What can I do?

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Given the situation you describe, I can't help but question why a mental health evaluation has not been completed especially since you disagree with the facility regarding competency. It sounds like since he is exhibiting harmful behavior towards himself if an expert cannot come to the facility then he should be transferred to a hospital with a psychiatric unit. A competency/ mental health evaluation will be needed especially in regards to guardianship. This in my opinion is a crisis and should be handled accordingly. In a lot of state's, courts are not in session due to the coronavirus so a petition for emergency guardianship should be discussed with an attorney ASAP.
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I was in health-care for over 40 years and that is called abuse to the elderly. If you are her POA you should, For one call the state and let them know she is being abused by not feeding her . You should handle all her finances if it states it in the document if not You can get one on line or better yet look at your poa paperwork and read what the stipulation are. Or get her out of there I can give you several places that take ❤ care of the elderly. DON'T let her suffer any longer. What is the name of the facility. You can also bring smoothies full of vitamins along with ensure and they should provide that as well
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worriedinCali Apr 2020
It’s actually a HE and if you had read the post Before you replied you would know that he’s refusing to eat. The facility isn’t withholding food and abusing him. So you are way off base here. And good luck getting a nursing home transfer right now!
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what is his favorite thing to eat out of everything ever possible? What is his favorite dish, desert, bite, snack, etc?

Just a small amount. Something too big may look too disgusting, or just too much.

And of course, the lockdown doesn't help him ... Go in with a dive suit, mask, snorkel, your own air tank, forget the fins, they just look and feel too funny on land. gloves.. maybe, then? you can go in and see him? doubt it.
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willow - like others have said, he can't be forced to eat. Sounds like he's determined to starve. Has he expressed thoughts of giving up and dying?

You said you tried to take him to the doctor but he said no. Then how can the nursing home staff make him go when he says no?

At the moment, your best bet is to talk to him and find out why he's refusing to eat. Perhaps you can convince him to change his mind once you know the reasons.
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What if you were to obtain guardianship and he still refused to eat? You can’t physically force someone to eat and if he’s still competent, you will never succeed at wining guardianship over him. Can you afford the cost of guardianship? if all he has is diverticulosis, you will not be awarded guardianship over him.
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The home believes he is competent to make this decision. Leave it in his hands and allow him this right. Apparently it is HIS CHOICE. I wish him luck in keeping others from interferring with his own wishes.
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