Whenever he calls it’s always the same...get me out of here. I visit as allowed. It makes me sad that he thinks I abandoned him but it was my only choice. Will he ever be reasonably happy? He is well treated as I check in often.

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You will find on forum that this is the constant. Other than complaining about the food there is likely no other more common thing than to hear that the elder asks to go home all the time. It often makes for painful visits. He likely doesn't go through the whole process of how he came to be there; it is more that he wants to go home. Just tell him that you wish he could, but the doctor says that isn't safe now. Or some other therapeutic lie. I am so glad you found a good facility.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
psuskind1 Oct 17, 2020
Dear Alva,
thanks for your response. I’ve read on the forum that this is a constant. Yesterday he said he went to the administrator with this request. I don’t know how accurate that is. When I tried to care for him at home he fell several times a day and the doctor told me he can’t fall on this head again. I’ve had many home caretakers but he wouldn’t allow them to assist him only me. And this was impossible.

my story doesn’t change a thing but it’s comforting to know someone’s out there somewhere and answered me.

Stay well

Today’s phone call was nice but I never know what the next one will be.
It's part of the dementia process to keep thinking/saying they 'want to go home' which means they are seeking comfort and/or familiarity of some kind. Once he settles in, he may stop saying that; then again, he may not. You just never know WHAT to expect with the dreadful dementia, isn't that the truth? My mother has been complaining endlessly about needing her 'big big big toenails trimmed' for ages now, and then REFUSED to have them done yesterday when the podiatrist was at her Memory Care. The nurse asked her 4x, called me and asked that I urge her to do it, nothing worked. What else is new? When dementia is calling the shots, NOTHING makes sense.

The worst part of what you're going through is that you now dread making The Daily Phone Call, don't you? Just hearing those words out of his mouth and knowing you'll need to deal with the subject yet AGAIN is really the worst feeling in the world. I know.........I have to deal with it myself all the time. I wind up telling my mother that I'm shocked she'd even expect to come live with me, considering she's wheelchair bound, has SO many health issues, and DH and I "work full time" and she'd be alone here all day long. Living with me is just impossible, I'm afraid, sorry Mom.

Wishing you the best of luck dealing with a terrible situation. My heart goes out to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1

They all do this. And home may not be the last place they lived. For my Aunt it was her childhood home. Just have to make up little fibs. We will see Dad. Need to see if u get better. Eventually they will forget about home. Please, don't feel guilty. You do what needs to be done for him and you. This is a horrible desease and so unpredictable. As you said "you need to keep him safe".
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Reply to JoAnn29

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