My mother is 94 and has some type of cognitive decline and deficit. She does not make good, safe or wise judgments about people and thinks she always needs to say yes to everyone for everything. She is all bent over, and must use a walker to even put one foot in front of the other. She moved from another county 7 months ago to AL near me. When I took care of her previously, I did not allow anyone to take her anywhere because of a history of lapse of consciousness. At that time I always drove my mother to wherever she wanted to go to meet her friends for lunch or dinner. I sat in a different area of the restaurant so that my mother could visit with her friends unencumbered. At the AL they will not prevent her from going with nonfamily members. These people do not let me know what their plans are and they do not have POA authority or any other medical documents for my mother. These people are in their 50s. I am 70 and the only one who shares the medical POA with my mother. It seems to me that they have an inappropriate, financial agenda of some sort with my mother. In the past, even her trust lawyer was concerned about these same people. I have told these people that my mother has dementia, thinking they would respect her limitations and not do things like this, which I think are irresponsible on their part. They drive 4 hours to visit my mother and stay overnight and take her somewhere to do girl things. What is that? And I am sure that she pays for everything. There is at least a 40 year difference in their ages.
I am so frustrated and concerned. I do not think this should be happening. I believe a normal thinking person would not want to take the responsibility of the risk that some emergency could happen while they have my mother out somewhere. What would they do...Would they call 911...Would they call the AL...Would they call me...I am not sure they would. My mother does not understand or acknowledge her physical or mental limitations as real and certain facts. She lives as though she believes she still has the faculties, both physical and mental, of a 60 year old. Consequently, her friends treat her in that same way.
I do not like the feeling that I have when I think about these people, who I believe want something from my mother that is inappropriate, putting my 94 year old mother with dementia into their car and going to who knows where, for who knows what, and for how long, with the possibility that my mother will again have another lapse of consciousness. Also she is under her doctors care to manage her very high blood pressure, which is as high as 220. Her doctor says if it is not brought under control soon, she will have a stroke and she will die. My mother still thinks that taking and charting her blood pressure daily is unnecessary. I just want to scream about all of this nonsense.
In your estimation, is there any firm reason why these people should not be taking my mother in their car, away from the AL... Is it bordering on elder abuse... Or, am I being completely unreasonable, and should I be glad that my mother has friends who will take her places...
I would like some input from others who have been faced with the same or similar situation.