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He is 65. He often thinks I said something his way when in fact I said it a different way. He has in the past made inappropriate comments in public which has mortified me. He used to be a good car parker but now his spacial awareness is not good in that respect. There are a few things - I can’t put my finger on it but he acts in a very similar way to my mum when she had early symptoms of Alzheimer’s. Do you think it is anything to worry about or am I being paranoid?

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Hi Els, hope all is going okay. We have not heard from you in a few days. Sounds like my wife's early symptoms of Alzheimer's. We had her stop driving as soon as we realized that her judgement was bad, we could tell she did not know her way around town anymore, and her decision making was very slow . When driving a car you have to be alert and able to make split second decisions. We got her doctor to tell her that she should not drive anymore, so we could blame it on him. she would comment on the subject frequently for the first year.
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No. You aren't being "paranoid".

My parents have unmanageable "disasters" weekly, things like breaking faucets, appliances, plumbing apparatus... They are constantly losing keys, glasses, walking canes, credit cards, COSTUME JEWELRY NOT WORN IN 20 YEARS... Haha! My mom will demand a grocery run- because she needs candy or has a whim craving for Dunkin Donuts. 

They are bored, scared, losing their freedom (possibly some sanity and logic too), to maintain their own security, they lash out at us. 

I think, their logic is: if it's our fault, they are still ok and in some control of what is happening to them.

It's frustrating. There's often no reasoning with them- but just know that you are NOT crazy or paranoid. They are. ☹️😢

Reach out to other caregivers. It's generally not well-received when we complain about someone who's health is declining or question our own sanity. But, as fellow caregivers- we know and understand. The more you post and search these forums, the more sane you will feel. ❤️🙏🏻😉
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An evaluation is a very good idea. It may not be dementia at all, and that will set your mind at ease and also probably result in some treatment.

When he finally finds his car keys, are they in a jacket pocket, or in the freezer? Once he finds his glasses, does he know what to do with them? Lots of us start being more forgetful as we age. Confusion about what things are is not typical of simple aging.

Many people do start becoming more forthright and less diplomatic as they age, but making inappropriate comments in public could definitely be a sign of the loss of filters that goes with dementia.

Often vision declines with age. Losing some parking skills might mean it is time to have eyes checked. But a diminished sense of spatial relationships can definitely be caused by dementia. Dementia tests specifically look at that.

Nothing you've mentioned in conclusive, but whether it is dementia or not, I sure hope you can find a way to have him see a doctor.

This is a good time to introduce the concept of therapeutic fibs. You don't always need to tell the literal truth when it is in his best interests not to. You don't have to say, "I'm worried that you might have dementia, so you need to go to a doctor." Tell him something he can accept (whether it is true or not). Insurance requires a complete physical in his 65th year. The clinic called and said it is time for a tetanus booster (or a pneumonia vaccine, etc. -- sometime he really is due for.) Consider the techniques other people on this thread have suggested. You probably are not used to lying to your husband and this may be uncomfortable for you at first. Just remember you are doing this for his good. If he does turn out to have dementia, telling him something that isn't the literal truth will be a useful skill!
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Have a pharmacist check his meds. One thing that can mimic dementia is a side effect of statin drugs. I was lucky to read about this before it got too bad, but I was forgetting stuff and work and feeling generally foggy. Two weeks off the med and I could sense the fog clearing. That was ten years ago and I think there is still a little of it left. I've known several other friends and relatives with similar effects.
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He should see his PC doctor and a specialist asap.
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If you can email her doctor, do that rather than writing a letter. I did that when my husband needed to stop driving. The Doctor became the bad guy.
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Boy, can I relate to this posting. My mother is doing all the same things, and more. Can’t remember what she said from 1 minute to the next, repeats herself constantly, has started losing her wallet, car keys, etc. She also has hearing loss but refuses to do anything with these issues. She is the type that I will have to let her come to the realization there is something wrong before I can help her....so I do that and hope nothing really bad happens in the meantime. At least I’m not alone in this...
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My mother did not see anything wrong with herself, so I decided to write her doctor a letter and I listed the time frame when we started to notice issues and listed about 20 things my mother had done. I told her that I would be making an appointment for my mother and I did not want my mother to know that I made appointment, but this was just a check up appointment and that I wanted to be included. Since I live in another state I made the appointment for when I would be there and the nurse called her back the nurse asked me to attend. My mother was annoyed that I was there, but the doctor stated when a person gets up in age all people should have a younger person or child attend appointment because as we age sometimes we don't hear or understand everything, my mom seemed to accept that. Doctor asked my mom about her memory and my mom said "I am fine" and I interjected "mom remember your sister had some memory issues" (sister had dementia) my mom's doctor caught right on to what I said (noticed she had my letter in mom's file) and told my mom just as a preventive, I am going to send you to a specialist and have them run a few tests just to make sure everything is ok so if in the future if something happens we know how to address it and my mom said ok. The doctor had the neurologist office contact my father and made appointment. My brother went with them since I was unable to attend and after testing and MRI it was determined that she had Alzheimer's.


Sometimes we just have to take things in our own hands and figure out a way to make it work. You may have to tell little lies just for the best interest of our love ones. Make a doctor's appointment and tell them why you are making one and you will bring a list and you would like doctor to review before seeing your husband and to do NOT tell your husband reason why he was there other than check up and especially about list. You can also call doctor's office and request a call from doctor's nurse and you can explain it them, so you already have it in the file.
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I gather he is not going in for an annual checkup with his primary doctor. Should be free under Medicare. Vital that he starts doing that.
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Tell him Medicare requires a yearly checkup.

The not hearing exactly what I am saying, could be hearing loss. My husband has been hard of hearing for 67 yrs and still argues he heard something right that I said.

There are a number of things that can be causing his problems. A UTI which is very serious in a man. Diabetes, low potassium, dehydration, meds, mini strokes, like said. Tell him he needs to see a dr. for you.
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Was he always like this or it’s something new?
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My Mom did the same thing. I called the Drs office explained what was going on and wrote them a letter with my concerns. I told them my Mom didn’t want to make an appointment so I made one and had the Drs office call her as if she made it. That at least gave us a starting point.
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He definitely needs to be checked out. Mini-strokes can also do this without showing definite stroke signs.
You can also have a silent heart attack which could affect the brain.
There really are too many "options" that could be the cause so only a complete checkup will let you know what you're dealing with. Even the wrong medication could have severe side-effects.
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confounded, very good list. I’m certain that my mom leaving her diabetes 2 untreated (she was diagnosed, did not take the meds or change lifestyle) is where her dementia was fostered. And as wally said, write the doctor’s office a letter, and ask them to call and tell him he’s due for an appt. With the forgetful, that seems to work well, it did for my mom.  Good luck, you can get this going!
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Nope. You're not being paranoid.

There are *treatable* conditions that can result in dementia-like symptoms -- prescription meds imbalances, untreated diabetes (that was me, pre-diagnosis), lifestyle changes, stress, sleep deprivation, depression (the list goes on ...).

He DOES need to be evaluated. Hopefully, his issues are treatable. If not, then you can start making realistic plans.

Best Vibes, and fingers crossed!
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Funny story. I thought I was getting early onset dementia today. I had serious problems remembering words and just felt foggy. Then I remembered that I'm trying to get off caffeine and switched over to decaffeinated coffee a couple of days ago. So I drank a cup of coffee and all is well. Got to titrate off drugs slowly.
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I too see symptoms in my husband and he too won't go to the doctor. MEN, or should I say SOME people! ?
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You are not paranoid but it is also very hard to get someone to agree to see a doctor for those reasons. ALZ is a big ugly word to most people and it is scary!
Hopefully you can convince him to check it out.
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Thanks Wally. I’ll try that and see what happens.
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make the appointment for him at the dr office
then write a letter explaining his symptoms and your concerns so you don't have to "say" the real reason in front of your spouse. hand deliver(or mail) the letter ahead of time.
be prepared the day of the appointment so that your husband is not doing other things that day.
then explain somehow: the doctors office called and said "they would like to see you because they haven't checked you blood pressure or had labs in a year...time for a yearly physical"

maybe its not dementia, maybe theres another cause?
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Hi Els1el- do you think you can convince him to see the doctor so that YOUR mind can be put at ease? So that YOU won't worry so much? Would he do it for YOU? to alleviate your concern?
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Thank you polarbear. He refuses to believe anything is wrong though and will not consult the Dr.
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No, you are not being paranoid. I recommend you ask his PCP for a referral to a neurologist to do a cognitive test and determine his condition. If it's Alz, the medication can help slow down the progression.

If it's not Alz, then he needs to rely on a calendar or phone or todo list to help him remember his appointments. As for other lost items, there are there are small trackers you can attach to the items he often misplaces, these trackers then can be tracked using a smart phone. Amazon sells these and they are not expensive.
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