My family went through this same thing with my Pop. My Mom donated the car when he was asleep. It was hard for Pop at first, but he eventually accepted it. Having a letter from the doctor, DMV, or local police to show him is a good idea. I would try disconnecting the battery or something else in the car so that it will not start.
Have someone come at night when everyone is asleep and take the car. Visit the police ahead of time and let them know that he has dementia and will not give up the car keys, so you're having someone remove the car. This way they know what they're dealing with when the calls about the car being stolen start up. You have my sympathy because I know life is going to get hard for you for a while when the car is gone. Let this be a comfort to you. You're saving lives by taking the car away.
It is very sad. My Dad wouldn’t listen to a family member so we got a neighbor to talk to him and say “How would you feel if you killed a child.” That was what my Dad said when teaching us to drive and drive carefully. Meanwhile my Dad spent his remaining years looking out the window longingly at his car. Sad.
My dad had to have hip surgery and the Anesthesia made his Dementia progress rapid. While he was recovering I went through the whole house and took every car key and every spare that I could think of and put them all in a lock box that only I had the key too. When he would ask I would tell him that it was in the shop or that I had the keys I had to be strong I even tried reminding him that it’s not just him he could hurt on the road it could be his grandchildren, son, daughter or even a stranger. I tried the truth at first but he wasn’t grasping it And it’s still constant reminder that I have the keys. maybe get a note in the doctors handwriting saying he cannot drive at this time with her signature on a letterhead. Good luck
If his car has a key fob that makes a start-stop button work, you could remove the battery. All batteries now arrive on a slow boat from China, and he may never be able to get a replacement. Commiserate and give thanks for the current supply crisis.
This is tough. It is difficult to give up independence. Everything in the USA is geared for driving. Every other ad on TV is for a car. Lock up the keys. If he has a car that is "his" remove it and it is "in the shop" While he is with you and you drive keep your keys so that he can not get them. Lock them up if you have to. I told my Husband that the medicine he was on said on the bottle that he could not drive while taking the medicine. When he would ask about the car I would tell him not until he was done with the medication. Eventually he stopped asking.
Side note and totally off subject but... You say you are not legally his wife and you have limited power. PLEASE make sure that you are protected and that you can help make decisions and that you are taken care of particularly if you two have been together for a long time.
Someone with cognitive or memory impairment should never use a ride service by themselves. It is unethical and dangerous. Unethical for the ride service to become responsible for the wellbeing of an impaired person's welfare. Dangerous even for people who are not compromised. This is NEVER a solution for someone with cognitive/memory impairment unless continuously managed by their PoA before, during and at drop-off/pick-up, or unless they are accompanied by a known and trusted travel companion. And they should only be going to well-known and trusted destinations, like the home of a family, friend, church, etc. -- never into public (like to a store or mall).
Who is the POA or guardian now? That person needs to present copy of letter to DMV, needs to visit the DMV, needs to get the car removed from the property. Haulers don't need keys. Short of that, a bit of sugar or water in the gas tank may work?
Then go on a vacation somewhere where you must rely on mass transit or some other mode of transportation and use it.
NY? Williamsburg (walking). SF (cable cars). Taxi, Uber, carriage, water taxi, donkey… take as many as you can. Don’t rent a car.
Stay in a place where things are close and easy (such as Charleston, SC)
Show him there is life after a drivers license. This is his concern.
Visit the police ahead of time and let them know that he has dementia and will not give up the car keys, so you're having someone remove the car. This way they know what they're dealing with when the calls about the car being stolen start up.
You have my sympathy because I know life is going to get hard for you for a while when the car is gone.
Let this be a comfort to you. You're saving lives by taking the car away.
Good luck
Lock up the keys.
If he has a car that is "his" remove it and it is "in the shop"
While he is with you and you drive keep your keys so that he can not get them. Lock them up if you have to.
I told my Husband that the medicine he was on said on the bottle that he could not drive while taking the medicine. When he would ask about the car I would tell him not until he was done with the medication.
Eventually he stopped asking.
Side note and totally off subject but...
You say you are not legally his wife and you have limited power.
PLEASE make sure that you are protected and that you can help make decisions and that you are taken care of particularly if you two have been together for a long time.
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That person needs to present copy of letter to DMV, needs to visit the DMV, needs to get the car removed from the property. Haulers don't need keys.
Short of that, a bit of sugar or water in the gas tank may work?