I know of a woman whose hubby was the same. He went for a 'drive' one day, she immediately called the police b/c she knew exactly where he was going and he got pulled over. Long story short, yeah, it was sneaky, but the police ran his license and came back 'denied' and he was not allowed to drive home.
He never knew his wife did this, so yeah, there's that. BUT---he was a dangerous driver and she likely saved him and perhaps other lives.
The POLICE took his keys and one drove the car home and gave his wife the keys. Ever now and then he'd get antsy and want to drive, but the remembrance of being pulled over and read the riot act kept him from driving.
Nowadays. with Uber and Lyft, anyone can get anywhere.
The problem with Uber and Lyft is you have to have a smart phone, believe it or not, a lot of older people don't have one or if they did, knew how to use it.
My BIL had the same thing happen to him. But with his dementia he still thought that he could drive and was driving on an expired license too. What was suggested to us is to remove a battery cable so it wouldn't start. But if that is the only vehicle then that can't be done. You can have the vehicle rekeyed making a new set of keys for it then he still can have the keys he has and still can get into the vehicle but can't start it.
After taking cognitive test, Dr told mom she couldn't drive. She immediately started hiding her car keys so we couldn't take them. We put a "club" on the steering wheel. Of course, my brother left it off one time after he drove and did some maintenance on it. Mom was so pleased she drove to the store. We then took the car and gave it to my daughter. Car had little value being 19 years old. Now in hospice on MC and she still thinks she can live at home and drive. No powers of reason.
The powers of reason aren't there anymore. My BIL still calls saying that his car was in a crash that the neighbor came to tell him when in fact he just wants to know when he can drive. The doctor told him he can't anymore because of his dementia and try telling him gets him so upset that we could cause a seizure. So here his car is sitting at his niece's and after August I can't register it because he isn't a license driver. Would really like to sell it to her.
You can anonymously report him as a dangerous driver on his state's DMV website. You can upload the doctor's report as proof. This would most likely cause them to revoke his license. If he still won't give up the keys then the car should be disabled, like remove the battery and hide it (and don't tell him), flatten all the tires, remove some critical part of the engive or drain out the gas. Or, you can contact a tow company to remove it and take it to some destination that you don't disclose to him.
My uncle should have had this done by his family and they didn't. He drove through a red light and was t-boned by another car. The impact killed his passenger: his wife of 60+ years, love of his life, mother of his 4 children, business partner, and 2x cancer survivor AND their dog that was riding on her lap.
Wifedriver, I don't think you need 38 horror stories to convince you to act today to do whatever it takes to prevent him from driving.
When he's asleep, root around and find his key. Put a replacement fake key back on the chain and let him keep it. Maybe at some point review the cost of the insurance (it gets very pricey the older the driver) plus the price of gas! and hopefully he'll agree to sell the car, assuming his is the only name on the title. Used cars are at a premium right now, so even driving into a dealership will have several salespeople flocking around you. It would be an "easy" way to sell it and you'd get a better price than in prior years.
So, he won't give up the keys, is he driving? Are you driving, I assume so, and perhaps you could try another tact. If you go out by yourself, go to a key replacement spot, hardware store, dealership etc. Buy a set of key blanks, exchange them on his keychain so you will be assured he cannot go. He'll be more happy with the keys in his pocket?
Then you could start asking if you might drive him somewhere. he's driven you all your life , has he not? Appeal to him that you need practice. Take him where he likes to go, not where you need, or have, to go! Just suck up the gas price and go for fun. Go for ice cream!
You might also check with your local DMV for a "replacement license". In your case this might make it worse, but you would know that. I got an ID license for my husband that looks just like a drivers license. He can no longer read so just recognizes the graphics as his license, doesn't recognize the Non-driver designation at all. He delights in giving me driving lessons! I got an "A+" last week when I drove exactly up to the mail drop !
Think outside the box, and good luck to you. This is one ride we all wish we did not have to take. Blessings!
When Moms doctor told her she shouldnt be driving it was war. She already had a few fender benders she wiggled her way out of by going to repair shop paying cash as well 2 accidents that were not her fault, but it took just 1 more accident to get her license taken away. She rearended a truck at a major 4way light. The officer told her he was sorry but he could ignore her state of confusion and let her know he was sending a notice to DMV (her car was totaled) She had 6months to retake her driving test written and driving before it was finalized. She couldnt understand the written test bc it was on the computer at our DMV. Even thou she lost her license she refused to believe she couldnt drive. It kind of makes me chuckle now but PLEASE take hes keys away if he has been told to do so. If u feel the doctor was correct you can have them submit a form to the DMV and they will schedule a review with your husband. good luck
When my 89-yr old Aunt was called in to retake the test (because I anonymously reported her online) I instructed everyone (including neighbors, friends, etc) to NOT take her to the test. No test, license expired. Never take them to any future mandated test.
This is tough. It is difficult to give up independence. Everything in the USA is geared for driving. Every other ad on TV is for a car. Lock up the keys. If he has a car that is "his" remove it and it is "in the shop" While he is with you and you drive keep your keys so that he can not get them. Lock them up if you have to. I told my Husband that the medicine he was on said on the bottle that he could not drive while taking the medicine. When he would ask about the car I would tell him not until he was done with the medication. Eventually he stopped asking.
Side note and totally off subject but... You say you are not legally his wife and you have limited power. PLEASE make sure that you are protected and that you can help make decisions and that you are taken care of particularly if you two have been together for a long time.
I just found out that my 92 yo mom has been driving around with her friend who is driving on a suspended license!! The woman has macular degeneration and I have watched her 'drive' and it's terrifying. Mom insists it's "OK" b/c they only go 1/2 mile. Well, true, but they have to make 2 'blind' left turns to leave the Sr Center. And sometimes they go to lunch, which is wherever they want to go.
It's only a matter of time before this woman causes an accident. The cars coming from the right that she has to turn left in front of are coming FAST. (40 MPH). She can't see them and mother can't turn her head to watch for them.
I haven't called the DMV on this woman. Mom is kind of scared of her--she's a real firecracker (the other woman, not mom) and she does WHAT SHE WANTS.
She lives with her daughter and her daughter is pretty chill about her mom driving all over from heck to breakfast. After thinking about it, I feel I may reach out to the daughter. I doubt she has a clue as to how much and how badly her mom is driving. And she probably is glad that she isn't the one doing the driving.
Years ago we were out in our brand new van for a family drive. An old man had a carful of old people (youngest was probably 90) and we watched in horror as he ran a stop sign right in front of us. Only the fact that we were all buckled in our van saved us. His car was hit, hard, by our big van and he spun around and around and finally wound up in a ditch. Only b/c the roads were wet and they 'slipped' rather than 'grabbed' saved their lives. We would have been fine, but they were all riding w/o seatbelts and the driver didn't even see us.
I still have nightmares about that. If anyone had even been hurt, my DH would have blamed himself forever.
We're lucky that both our moms pretty much decided on their own to quit driving.
This driver was legally blind, killed a young woman while driving 15 years after his license was suspended. He was sent to jail for 2 years and his family is being sued as they allowed him to drive.
His wife does not think she is liable, but he was driving her car with permission and had been for years.
If you are in BC Canada, you have a moral and a legal obligation to stop him from driving. And you could lose everything if it is proven you or someone else knew he was driving with a suspended license.
He never knew his wife did this, so yeah, there's that. BUT---he was a dangerous driver and she likely saved him and perhaps other lives.
The POLICE took his keys and one drove the car home and gave his wife the keys. Ever now and then he'd get antsy and want to drive, but the remembrance of being pulled over and read the riot act kept him from driving.
Nowadays. with Uber and Lyft, anyone can get anywhere.
Prayers
My uncle should have had this done by his family and they didn't. He drove through a red light and was t-boned by another car. The impact killed his passenger: his wife of 60+ years, love of his life, mother of his 4 children, business partner, and 2x cancer survivor AND their dog that was riding on her lap.
Please remove or disable his car today.
When he's asleep, root around and find his key. Put a replacement fake key back on the chain and let him keep it. Maybe at some point review the cost of the insurance (it gets very pricey the older the driver) plus the price of gas! and hopefully he'll agree to sell the car, assuming his is the only name on the title. Used cars are at a premium right now, so even driving into a dealership will have several salespeople flocking around you. It would be an "easy" way to sell it and you'd get a better price than in prior years.
Then you could start asking if you might drive him somewhere. he's driven you all your life , has he not? Appeal to him that you need practice. Take him where he likes to go, not where you need, or have, to go! Just suck up the gas price and go for fun. Go for ice cream!
You might also check with your local DMV for a "replacement license". In your case this might make it worse, but you would know that. I got an ID license for my husband that looks just like a drivers license. He can no longer read so just recognizes the graphics as his license, doesn't recognize the Non-driver designation at all. He delights in giving me driving lessons! I got an "A+" last week when I drove exactly up to the mail drop !
Think outside the box, and good luck to you. This is one ride we all wish we did not have to take. Blessings!
She had 6months to retake her driving test written and driving before it was finalized. She couldnt understand the written test bc it was on the computer at our DMV. Even thou she lost her license she refused to believe she couldnt drive. It kind of makes me chuckle now but PLEASE take hes keys away if he has been told to do so.
If u feel the doctor was correct you can have them submit a form to the DMV and they will schedule a review with your husband.
good luck
Lock up the keys.
If he has a car that is "his" remove it and it is "in the shop"
While he is with you and you drive keep your keys so that he can not get them. Lock them up if you have to.
I told my Husband that the medicine he was on said on the bottle that he could not drive while taking the medicine. When he would ask about the car I would tell him not until he was done with the medication.
Eventually he stopped asking.
Side note and totally off subject but...
You say you are not legally his wife and you have limited power.
PLEASE make sure that you are protected and that you can help make decisions and that you are taken care of particularly if you two have been together for a long time.
It's only a matter of time before this woman causes an accident. The cars coming from the right that she has to turn left in front of are coming FAST. (40 MPH). She can't see them and mother can't turn her head to watch for them.
I haven't called the DMV on this woman. Mom is kind of scared of her--she's a real firecracker (the other woman, not mom) and she does WHAT SHE WANTS.
She lives with her daughter and her daughter is pretty chill about her mom driving all over from heck to breakfast. After thinking about it, I feel I may reach out to the daughter. I doubt she has a clue as to how much and how badly her mom is driving. And she probably is glad that she isn't the one doing the driving.
Years ago we were out in our brand new van for a family drive. An old man had a carful of old people (youngest was probably 90) and we watched in horror as he ran a stop sign right in front of us. Only the fact that we were all buckled in our van saved us. His car was hit, hard, by our big van and he spun around and around and finally wound up in a ditch. Only b/c the roads were wet and they 'slipped' rather than 'grabbed' saved their lives. We would have been fine, but they were all riding w/o seatbelts and the driver didn't even see us.
I still have nightmares about that. If anyone had even been hurt, my DH would have blamed himself forever.
We're lucky that both our moms pretty much decided on their own to quit driving.
This driver was legally blind, killed a young woman while driving 15 years after his license was suspended. He was sent to jail for 2 years and his family is being sued as they allowed him to drive.
His wife does not think she is liable, but he was driving her car with permission and had been for years.
If you are in BC Canada, you have a moral and a legal obligation to stop him from driving. And you could lose everything if it is proven you or someone else knew he was driving with a suspended license.
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