He is furious with me. What can I do?

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If it is one of the newer cars that has a key with the electronics in it for starting, you might try just removing the battery from the key. It might start but I am pretty sure it will die before he could get out of the driveway.
Or as Luz found out when she tried to escape, the key for the ford did not work in the dodge.
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Reply to OldSailor

Sandrobin, how you deal with driving and dementia can depend on what level of dementia/short term memory you’re dealing with. In many cases people who are still a bit WITH IT will call a tow truck or buy a new car if their car disappears or won’t start.

youre not going to be able to reason with you husband on this. Do what ever you have to do to end the driving.

in my case with my dad, his short term memory was really bad. I disabled the car. When he tried to start it I told him I’d call a tow truck. We repeated this fantasy every day until he moved into assisted living with my mom. It was no picnic but it worked.

To easily disable a car anyone who’s a bit handy can do it. Under the hood of any car is a fuse/relay box. Simply pull out the starter relay, hide it, then put it back in when it’s time to move the car. You don’t have to disconnect the battery, flatten the tires or jerk a bunch of wires loose. My dad would have seen a missing or disconnected battery and maybe have fixed that, but to trouble shoot a missing relay was beyond his abilities.

Good luck with this. It’s one of the hardest phases of caregiving.
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Reply to Windyridge

“He has Alzheimer’s”. Do you have a specific professional diagnosis, done by someone who is trained in dealing with dementia, IN WRITING? IF NOT, you are not in a position yet to make objective decisions about managing his welfare and conduct. If he is under a doctor’s care, you need to be in touch with that person and discuss dealing with his cognitive status, AND his drinking.

IF he has DIAGNOSED dementia, your attempts to reason with him are wasted effort on your part. His emotional reactions to you are also distorted by dementia. His ability to self assess his capacity for alcohol are distorted by dementia as well.

You need an ally to manage this. Is there a compassionate family member in whom you can confide? A car that is disabled and cannot be started is NOT “safe”. It can roll, or be pushed, into motion and still cause damage.

You must learn to develop a loving hard core, thinking not what you need to do to prevent his hostile outbursts, but what you must do to keep him, YOU, and those who could suffer from his driving SAFE.

Do all that you do ON HIS BEHALF, with love, because the more objective you are about his condition and how it affects your life together, the more peace you will have about the inevitably difficult decisions that will follow.

Hugs and hopes.
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Reply to AnnReid

What have you already done? Why is your husband furious with you?
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Reply to Countrymouse

He is an alcoholic. I recommend you go to Al anon to deal with the drinking. There have been many posts on aging and drinking. It is usually the drinking behaviors that need tackling first. If he cannot stop, all the rest will not fall into place.
You can disable the car or hide the keys, unless you need to drive it. If he is handy though, he may still be able to solve the problem.
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Reply to MACinCT

You can pull up a YouTube tutorial on how to pull out the distributor cables.

then..disable the car.

if he calls a tow to them and explain you don’t want it fixed....just tow it to a storage place.
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Reply to Katiekate

In my state, if the elder driver is reckless (& you witnessed it), the police can make them appear for a review of driving skills. (But not sure if you think he's that bad yet). Otherwise, when it serious, you should check with a lawyer about taking away the car keys (or put a clubLock on the steering). Cuz it would be awful if he had a crash & hurt somebody. (Saw on the news how often elderly drivers crash into buildings cuz they get confused.)
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Reply to Tiger55

Explain that if he is ill and that you want to keep HIM safe and keep HIM with you. Just keep repeating it that you want to keep HIM safe that HE is your treasure.
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Reply to hgnhgn

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