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You may have some spousal rights, but that would depend on where you live as well as other unique factors. I'd see an estate or elder law attorney to see what your options are. It's possible you may have to take court action, but only an attorney can tell you that. I think legal advice is your next step.
Good luck. This is not uncommon with couples, so hopefully an attorney can guide you in the least painful way.
Carol
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Once a person is to the state that they cannot make their own decisions they cannot give someone Power of Attorney. You must go to court and become a guardian of that person. I know in MI you do not need a lawyer to file for guardianship you just go to the court house, file some papers and you get a court date. If you want to make your case strong have the Doctor write something about his disease and is he is able to make his own decisions.
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In the state of MD. once someone has lost competency, one cannot get the POA. It needs to be done before your parent or loved one is unable to make this decision. Good luck. I know this is a difficult thing to do. I got POA for my mother (beforer she went into an ALF) but my sibs accused me of taking advantage of mom for my benefit---which is so far from the truth. The truth is that my sibs had taken advantage of mom throughout the years and they were upset when I stopped the "gravytrain."
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Refusing to do things is common in Alzheimers patients. As others have said, it is best to see an eldercare attorney in your state.
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POA is a serious declaration and assignment. It has to be done with the full consent of the giver. As you know it ceases with the death of the donor. Guardianship is your best path, I believe, and with that you can make finanacial decisions.
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"he is declaring incompetence only" I'm not sure what you mean?

If a doctor has not declared him incompetent to conduct his business in a business like manner, you might be able to get both durable and medical POA. If his Alzheimer's is too far advanced, this will not be possible.

You will need a or two doctor to declare him incompetent and why on his letterhead, most likely also notarized, in taking him to court for guardianship.
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This is a hard choice. The advice of the previous responders is all correct. Guardianship, if they won't do POA, is your only way of 'taking care of business'. Caught between a rock and a hard place is very hard and painful. You have two choices; walk away or be pro-active. I have tried both. When it comes down to your responsibility, get an Estate Lawyer. I don't know which state you live in, but the rules are different in each. Perhaps you won't have to jump through hoops. In Texas, it is very hard to get guardianship. Luckily I had POA before he was committed involuntarily. The advice in the previous responses have some good advice. Take the bits that are proactive and follow your heart.
You are not alone.
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At least he declared incompetence. That is a start.
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If he is incompetent, he can't give you POA. Might as well take him to court for guardianship which will include having a doctor examine him and testify that he is indeed incompetent. Your husband will have to be at the trial also because he will be the person on trial. Other family members can come too to support or speak against him being incompetent.
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You need to be appointed his guardian by the courts - this should not be too difficult given the Alzheimer's. However, I would contact an attorney and be direct and to the point - "my husband has Alzheimer's and I need to be appointed as his guardian to manage his afffairs......are you able to complete and file the appropriate paperwork for this process, and how much will it cost?"
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This advice has given me insight into my situation because, regardless of incompetence, elderly people are not able to cope with change as well as they'd like it to be known.
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