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Does not retain information and cannot converse the way he used to. Does not comprehend the way he used to and does not believe me when he asks me a question. Tells me I never told him. Cannot retain information. Will listen to a story then tell that story to someone else and it’s completely wrong. Has problem remembering our friends names. Forgets what I told him re appointment dates, events etc. Tells me I never told him. Very argumentative. He is not as empathetic as you used to be. His personality has changed as well. Sometimes acts immature. He is 68 years of age. He never did this before. He was very mature. My children and friends have noticed and they are worried I just see big changes and I’m also very worried. These changes can vary day by day. Some days way worse than other days. He has a neurologist appointment next week and is being tested. When he cannot remember He sometimes tells people he’s losing his memory. His anger is towards me if I remind him something he forgot. I always try to keep calm and be patient. I am hoping the neurologist will have some answers after the tests are completed.

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MCI has now progressed to full blown dementia, as it does. There are no real "answers" from neurologists or anyone else about dementia and it is the loved ones/ caregivers who must research what the symptoms look like and how to cope. Meds can be prescribed for agitation and depression, but there are no meds to cure dementia or even slow it down. Adult daycare is a good option for many spouses and to give you a break and him some socialization and activities.

I suggest the book The 36 Hour Day and Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller, both available on eBay and Amazon.

I suggest regular respite for you and getting caregivers in the home to give you a break. Expect your husband's behavior and personality to continue declining as his dementia advances. His logic and reasoning skills are gone and empathy no longer exists. Such is the nature of dementia. I watched my mother go from a vibrant woman to an argumentative and paranoid she'll of her former self. It's a terrible thing to witness, and we're helpless to stop it. Dementia is called The Long Goodbye for that very reason.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
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I'm so sorry for this distressing situation. It is critical that he gets his legal ducks in a row (PoA, Advance Healthcare Directice, POLST/MOLST, Pre-Need Guardian choice, Last Will, etc). I found these guidelines helpful in my situation... Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia: 1) Agree, do not argue 2) Divert, do not attempt to reason 3) Distract, do not shame 4) Reassure, do not lecture 5) Reminisce, do not ask �Do you remember�?� 6) Repeat, do not say �I told you� 7) Do what they can do, don�t say �you can�t� 8) Ask, do not demand 9) Encourage, do not condescend 10) Reinforce, never force The overall goals should be to: 1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own) 2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people 3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing 4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)  5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive) The caregiving arrangement needs to accommodate the caregiver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement/solution is NOT working and burnout is imminent. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey,
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cover9339 May 22, 2025
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I hope you’ll use the patient portal to send the neurologist a message in advance the appointment relating the changes and behaviors you’ve related here. The doctor needs to be fully aware of what’s going on as it will likely be difficult to discuss well in your husband’s presence. If there’s no patient portal you can send a letter with your concerns ahead of the appointment. I’m sorry you’re on a long road of decline with your husband. I hope all needed legal documents are in place and you’ve well begun thinking of next steps if and when things become less manageable for you on your own with hubby. I wish you both peace
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