Sorry this is long. I am new here. At the end of the summer, my mother in law left my father in law. She did this by getting in their RV that she can barely drive and checking into an RV Park. No one knew where she was for three days. When we finally tracked her down, I drove from Dallas to Tulsa and picked her up and brought her back to our home. She is in the beginning stages of dementia and has a host of other issues. She is 77. She was here for about a month where I struggled to make sure she took her medicine and didn’t fall and didn’t try to drive. Oh yes, I have 4 children and we own a business that keeps my husband out until 8-9pm. My mother in law insisted on going everywhere we went. Baseball practice, gymnastics, swim lessons, etc. It was such a beating. I got to the point where I wouldn’t even go eat with my family because just eating out would take hours. Finally my brother in law came down and took her to Branson for a little vacation. We told him that she was out of medicine and needed to go to the doctor ASAP in Tulsa. We also told him that she couldn’t stay in her house because they are hoarders and it was bad for her. So what happened? He never took her to the doctor and she stayed at the house. Three weeks later she almost had a stroke and is now in ICU in Oklahoma. Both my husband and brother in law refuse to accept responsibility for their mother and think that either myself or their aunt will just take care of it. I told my husband that she CANNOT come back here to live because it is too much on me. He told me that if this is how I feel, he wants a divorce. Never mind that we have 4 children ranging from 5-18 years old. I am going to stand my ground. I can’t do it. Am I a terrible person? (There’s a lot more drama in there but for time’s sake...)
Would a skilled nursing facility be a possibility? Once she is ready to be discharged from the hospital, they might recommend skilled nursing rehab anyway if she has had a stroke. A hospital social worker could probably help with applying for Medicaid as well, since it sounds like she may need NH level of care on a long term basis. Insurance will only pay for rehab for a limited amount of time.
Reiterate to your husband that his mom needs a professional level of nursing care, which is more than any of you are equipped to provide. Even NH workers take shifts, one person cannot do it all. And your children have to be your first priority.
Has he pulled this "then I want a divorce" sh$# with you before?
if he won't go to counseling - then maybe you go - get some help sorting issues and communicating your feelings.
I think it is kind of lucky your husband is still walking around uninjured.
Very sorry, ((((Big Hug)))