Sorry this is long. I am new here. At the end of the summer, my mother in law left my father in law. She did this by getting in their RV that she can barely drive and checking into an RV Park. No one knew where she was for three days. When we finally tracked her down, I drove from Dallas to Tulsa and picked her up and brought her back to our home. She is in the beginning stages of dementia and has a host of other issues. She is 77. She was here for about a month where I struggled to make sure she took her medicine and didn’t fall and didn’t try to drive. Oh yes, I have 4 children and we own a business that keeps my husband out until 8-9pm. My mother in law insisted on going everywhere we went. Baseball practice, gymnastics, swim lessons, etc. It was such a beating. I got to the point where I wouldn’t even go eat with my family because just eating out would take hours. Finally my brother in law came down and took her to Branson for a little vacation. We told him that she was out of medicine and needed to go to the doctor ASAP in Tulsa. We also told him that she couldn’t stay in her house because they are hoarders and it was bad for her. So what happened? He never took her to the doctor and she stayed at the house. Three weeks later she almost had a stroke and is now in ICU in Oklahoma. Both my husband and brother in law refuse to accept responsibility for their mother and think that either myself or their aunt will just take care of it. I told my husband that she CANNOT come back here to live because it is too much on me. He told me that if this is how I feel, he wants a divorce. Never mind that we have 4 children ranging from 5-18 years old. I am going to stand my ground. I can’t do it. Am I a terrible person? (There’s a lot more drama in there but for time’s sake...)
"Eh your making a wild assumption there lava. What likely happened is she didn’t want to hear a plethora of people telling her to divorce her husband. People here are so damn quick to throw out nuclear solutions. So much that is said here is easier said than done. I don’t think the OP came here looking to be told to get a divorce."
Thank you for sharing a very rational and realistic possibility. Some of the posts seem to ignite so much emotion and posters respond with their own very personal advice as opposed to rationalizing what the poster's situation really is. Emotion escalates and logic wanes.
I do that too; I'm not immune to that tendency, but Worried's observation are a good wake-up call. This post and the many responses reminded me of exactly what Worried wrote.
The OP was frustrated, wanted suggestions, analysis, and support. It takes more time to read, analyze and respond in a way that's helpful. Getting a divorce isn't like going out shopping, but that suggestion was so prevalent I just stopped reading the responses, especially the "shoot from the hip" responses from what seem to be the drive-by posters.
And I'm guessing the OP did as well. And I doubt if she'll be back. Was she helped by posting here? We'll never know.
as far as the OP, she needs to have strong communication with her husband and maybe even bring in uninvolved 3rd parties like a hospital social worker, to help her through to him that this is a bad bad idea and it’s NOT worth divorcing over.
OP never responded to any of our answers, not even with a "Thanks, I need to think about what you took your precious time to write."
Time to move on, people.