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He has recently become incontinent and won't cooperate when I take off his regular daytime underwear to put the disposable one on for nighttime. He won't lift up his feet for the pullup type and he won't stand still for the tape on ones. The tape on ones end up ripped off in the night in a heap on the floor and pee runs off the bed to the floor. The pull up ones involve a physical struggle. He is pretty strong, but he is dizzy or afraid, not sure how he can fight so. Any ideas would be much appreciated!

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I think you have to be gentle as with my case when became incontinent.My wife toke charge with loving care but also no but' about what i wear now.
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Reply to sport1317
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Since the pee is running off the bed I assume you are using a waterproof mattress cover, you might try putting an absorbent pad below him in lieu of the brief or pullup (I'm told that this is what they often do in the hospital now). There are disposable or washable ones.
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Reply to cwillie
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It sounds like it's time to throw away his "daytime" underwear, which will leave him with only his "nighttime" ones. That way he won't have a choice, but to put on his Depends for all day use. Just make sure that you're calling them his underwear and not diapers as that can be humiliating for some. You can also buy adult onesies to put on over, so he can't rip them off.
If that doesn't work it might be time for him to start using a condom catheter, or some other type of catheter. There are also many medications that help with incontinence, along with Botox that can be put in his bladder to help as well. You can talk to his urologist about the different options.
It's hard. I know. I went through this with my husband. He ended up having to get a supra pubic catheter(a permanent one).
And of course if it just gets to be too much, you will have no choice but to place him in the appropriate facility. Best wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Sara1959 Apr 6, 2021
Thank you! I never have called them diapers. I feel somewhat humiliated by using that word too. I had no idea about the onesies. Do you have a favored site to buy?
I will speak to the doc as soon as I have the adult day care starting back up. I can hardly wait.
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Overall, if you can’t manage his care then you may need help, either at home or placement in a facility.

Another alternative is to contact his doctor and ask if meds to calm his anxiety may help him to relax.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Sara1959 Apr 6, 2021
He is on trazadone and that has helped immensely
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Hmm. Sorry, many questions coming...

Does he co-operate to put his normal daytime underwear on? Lift feet etc?

Is he sitting down to do this & just stand at the end?

Would disguising pull-ups inside a pair of normal underwear work? Then place pajama bottoms over the top?
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Reply to Beatty
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Sara1959 Apr 6, 2021
Thanks! He is fine to put on normal underwear for the day, even the disposable pull up ones work fine during the day. The problem is at the end of his day, sundowning and becoming disoriented. If his seated, he won't lift his feet, or he lifts the same one repeatedly. If he's standing he starts to walk away. I doubt disguising anything would matter as he isn't looking.
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This sounds so heart-wrenching! I'm so sorry for your situation! I humbly agree with others - it IS time for assisted living, at least for a while. You need a break.
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Reply to SeniorStruggles
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It may be time for assisted living.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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