My husband has never acted his age and, while this has kept him young, is making it difficult for him to accept that he's elderly now and his body isn't that of a younger man. Mobility is difficult as he has arthritis from a hip replacement years ago. He's on meds for anxiety/depression but I have trouble accepting that I can't pursuade him to use treatments that helps him.

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I’m sorry that he isn’t agreeable. Most likely he is frustrated and angry at himself and is taking it out on you. Of course that isn’t fair but it is human nature for some people.

How does he respond to doctors and nurses? Is he a bad patient also or will he be more agreeable with them. If so, let the medical team (doctor and nurses) do the heavy lifting.

My mom happens to listen to medical professionals better than she listens to me, her daughter. Others will chime in with advice. Good luck to you. Hugs!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Plccamarillo Apr 26, 2019
Thank you for your response!
He appears to listen to doctors/healthcare professionals but won't use his CPAP, even though a respiratory therapist told him this week, that it can stave off heart attack, stroke, etc. This morning, he became angry when I reminded him that he needed to have his breathing treatment before breakfast. I get frustrated as I know what he needs to do but can't force him to do it.
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The last sentence of your comment on NHWM’s post says it all. “I can’t force him to do it.” No, you can’t. He’s a grown man who needs to take responsibility for himself, I’ve written before on this forum that my husband is bed bound and I suspect it’s from years of blowing off therapy and believing he knew it all—far more than any therapists who ever worked with him. There’s no doubt he has serious medical issues, but most of them could have been avoided if he had taken care of himself and paid attention to what the doctors told him. If your husband has dementia as you posted under this topic, that’s a double whammy.

I have given up trying to help mine. I change and bathe him and wait on him hand and foot, but I make no suggestions as to what he should and should not do. When I bathe and change him, invariably he digs at his skin to the point he makes it bleed. I don’t know how he has avoided bedsores. I’ve stopped telling him not to scratch.

If your husband refuses his treatments, tell him ok and get on with whatever else you were doing. Let him know you’re available when he changes his mind but you have other things to do and don’t have time to waste arguing with him. Let his doctor know he’s refusing his treatments. The doctor might suggest someone to stop in and help him. Sometimes, help is accepted from a medical professional before a family member.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Plccamarillo Apr 30, 2019
Thank you so much for your response. I spoke with my husband's pulmonary doctor yesterday and he agreed; my husband won' t use the CPAP and yesterday morning, refused to use his nebulizer, forgetting the night before when he had a 30-minute episode of shortness of breath. The inhaler took much longer to work and I almost had to take him to the e.r. The doctor said there is only so much I can do to encourage him to follow the treatment plan. If he won't do so, it's out of my hands.

The doctor suggested bringing in an Alzheimer's caregiver but I know my husband- he's very private (being English) and never agree to a 3rd party getting involved unless it's a physician.

At least we know we're not alone as caregivers. Thank you!

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