He talks about breaking out of the facility. And it will be my fault if something happens to him. Anyone have ideas how to deal with this. It makes me not want to visit.
I would remind my husband that his personal neurologist (one reason I picked out the facility I did was this neurologist was its medical director), his family doctor, and our priest recommended he live there now. I visited a lot initially (I had taken early retirement to care for him at home); usually arrived for lunch and then would stay until after he had his dinner. When I needed to go home, I'd say I need to clean the cats' litter boxes and feed them. But I'll be back. And I was.
If it's possible for you to get him into your car (and he can't outrun you), maybe you can take him on outings to familiar places: out to eat, for a walk in a park, to a sports bar to see a sporting event, or to church/synagogue/mosque/temple if you belong to one. And be affectionate when you visit: hold hands, put your arm around him. On nice days, I'd take my husband outside. They had a long driveway and we'd walk to the end of it. It had flowers and shrubs, and backed up to homes with nice yards. We'd walk to the end of the driveway and have a few smooches.
The behavior you are witnessing, while personally so very hurtful to you, is normal behavior for one with dementia.
I so agree with all the advice you got below, and especially with not arguing--you have no point to prove here and he will never understand. And with keeping your visits very loving, very short.
I agree with the previous posters. I am sorry that your husband’s words make you uncomfortable.
Be comforted knowing that your husband is exactly where he needs to be.
I just read your profile. I am so sorry that you had to sell your home in order to pay for his care. I see that you have moved into your daughter’s home.
It’s very sad when life changes so drastically. Wishing you all the best.
You can also get up and leave, having said, “Honey, I’ve told you three times already this visit, ‘let’s talk about something else. See you next time!.’ “ Then, give him a big smooch and head out.
Keep any explaination short. Say that he does need to be here today. That hopefully he can make the best of it.
Reassure him you love him again.
If it's possible for you to get him into your car (and he can't outrun you), maybe you can take him on outings to familiar places: out to eat, for a walk in a park, to a sports bar to see a sporting event, or to church/synagogue/mosque/temple if you belong to one. And be affectionate when you visit: hold hands, put your arm around him. On nice days, I'd take my husband outside. They had a long driveway and we'd walk to the end of it. It had flowers and shrubs, and backed up to homes with nice yards. We'd walk to the end of the driveway and have a few smooches.
I so agree with all the advice you got below, and especially with not arguing--you have no point to prove here and he will never understand. And with keeping your visits very loving, very short.
Be comforted knowing that your husband is exactly where he needs to be.
I just read your profile. I am so sorry that you had to sell your home in order to pay for his care. I see that you have moved into your daughter’s home.
It’s very sad when life changes so drastically. Wishing you all the best.
I would say "When your doctor gives us written approval for you to leave, we will discuss it further". Or, something like that.
If he starts and won't start, just leave, gotta run!
If he has dementia, eventually he will forget about it, you just have to buy some time.
Sending support your way.
You can also get up and leave, having said, “Honey, I’ve told you three times already this visit, ‘let’s talk about something else. See you next time!.’ “ Then, give him a big smooch and head out.