My husband is having good days and bad. On the good days he likes to go see family, since they don’t like to come see him. Any ideas?

So, you mean incontinence, not inconsistencies?

You can have him use a condom catheter, or some other type of catheter, and when you're going out and about, use the smaller bag that straps to his leg, so it's inconspicuous.
Other than that you may just have to keep him home if he prefers, and go off by yourself if you're able, and if not have a friend or family member come stay with him so you can get away, or hire someone.
It's hard I know. My husband suffered with incontinence for the last 3 years of his life. He ended up getting a supra pubic catheter, after trying all the different medications, and having Botox put in the his bladder. None of that helped my husband, but it may help yours. Best wishes.

You may want to take him to the bathroom every 2 hours. Figure out the times he has #2. First thing in the morning, after a meal? Men seem to be more regular than women.

Your husband suffers from dementia which causes the argumentativeness and refusal to take your helpful advice etc. It's likely causing his incontinence issues as well, which a catheter won't fix because he will probably be fiddling with it constantly. You can buy Guards for his disposable brief which are like diaper doublers we used with the kids to soak up more urine. The definition of incontinence is not recognizing the urge to urinate, which makes disposable adult briefs a necessity. If you could get him on a bathroom schedule, it may help, but not 100%. And the dementia makes him disagreeable to everything in general, so you're in a no-win situation 🤐

It reaches the point where going out becomes more trouble than it's worth, so we can't take my 94 yo demented mother anywhere. We used to take her to dinner once a week (She lives in a Memory Care Assisted Living place) but now she's wheelchair bound which makes it very hard to get her in and out of the car, etc. She's quite heavy, too, and like dead weight, so I've taken to bringing her food instead.

There's no great answers with dementia, unfortunately, so I hope YOU are getting some down time for yourself. Everyone worries about the patient but not everybody remembers there are TWO lives greatly affected here!

Good luck to you.

JMO but I think people have a right to not want company that pees their pants in their living room or wherever. I would not take my husband out visiting. I would want to spare him the embarrassment.

I also have incontinence with good and bad but my wife will ask if I feel like going to visit or somewhere she is always considerate.

hugs!!

it helps sometimes to have a bathroom schedule.

sometimes, if you’re elderly/frail, even if you would feel the need to go to the bathroom, you won’t get there on time.

walking too slow.

in any case, it helps to have a bathroom schedule. examples:
...bathroom after every meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner)
...bathroom also 10 am, and 4 pm.

...if it happens at night (urine for example), some men keep a container near the bed, in case.
...it’s uncomfortable to have dirty adult diapers.

hugs!!!