My husband is clingy and all he thinks about is sex. Is this normal with dementia patients?

OP never said that she and DH are not sexually active, but that the concerning thing is the changes in her husband's behavior. It sounds like the sexual advances are becoming obsessive, rather than just the normal sex drive, and that it's not just the obsessive behavior with regard to sex, but the memory issues, asking the same questions over and over, and the shadowing and clinginess.

It's that her husband hasn't been his normal self in the past couple of years and has increasing memory difficulties, which can be a red flag for neurological issues like dementia.

Talk to his doctor about an antidepressant. Some of them have impotence or reduced sex drive as a side effect. Among those that decrease libido are Celexa, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Paxil, Paxil CR, Prozac and Zoloft.

I have been experiencing the same problem with my husband (age 88) for the past 3 years. For the past 18 months he has accused me of entertaining all the men in the neighborhood, inviting them to my home since he is now in a nursing home. We have been married for 63 years and it is very hard to hear him talk like this. This goes on every time I visit. Then he wants me to have sex with him every time I visit. He is on medications (Zoloft and estradiol transdermal patch) but It hasn't entirely eliminated this behavior. I visited with a friend who has worked in the area Veterans home for a number of years and she said this is common with men more than women. They seem to regress to younger years and this is their focus. Talk to your dr and be very candid. This is not a time to be embarrassed.

I think his Dementia has hit that part of the brain. I really feel for you. I personally can't do needy. I can't stand someone in my kitchen when I am trying to get something done.

I agree, maybe there is a med. Can you find a friend who will sit with husband while you get away for a couple of hours? It can be going to the library so you can read in quiet. Or even a bookstore that has a cafe. A quiet park. Or, just sitting in your car. Just get out.

River dale, I did answer recently. I answered from the perspective that the wife wanted some relief. From experience working in a dementia/elderly mental health facility I mentioned medications that reduce sex drive. They do not cause any permanent harm and the doses can be made very low with minimum reduction. And a doctor would have to prescribe with other meds and overall health in mind.

I understand completely! At least my husband doesn’t follow me around. But I avoid his advances like the plague and I will be honest here. He never knows when to stop! He can’t “do it” anymore. He doesn’t even kiss right. It’s a nightmare. I get panicky when he corners me.
I don’t have answers, I’m sorry. But I surely am relieved that you opened the subject for conversation.

I'd put in a call to his doctor to see what they would recommend. There might be medication that would help with some of the repetitive behavior. If the frequency of the advances seems to have increased recently, they may want to test him for UTI.

Personality changes are common with dementia and other neurological disorders, as is the following you around or copying your movements (commonly called "shadowing"). UTI, however, can cause odd behaviors as well, or worsen the dementia already present.

Thank you all for your responses. I have talked to his doctor about his memory issues and the doctor gave him the "remember three items test" which he passed ?!? The doctor doesn't think he has a problem but then again he needs to live in my shoes to see why I'm concerned. We have been married over 50 years so this is really hard to see his whole personality change. His friend takes him on day trips on rare occasions. Most of his friends are aware of his memory issues but he has a way of playing them off to cover for any mistakes. Thank you again.

I almost forgot - no pun intended - he has vision problems and doesn't drive so I am his chauffeur. He likes to go some place every day as entertainment even if it's just out to eat or to the store.

Also, I have told him I don't like his constant advances but it doesn't seem to register with him. It's like he only cares about his needs. I know he has a sickness and I am trying to be patient but some times it is really hard.

My response is going to be lighthearted, not an insult. Please do not take offense.

I have the opposite problem. My husband who has dementia is much older than I am. He has lost all interest in sex as his disease progresses. However, I am still in my “youthful” time and want intimacy. I do not cheat on my husband, so I enter into my little fantasy world from time to time when needed. Oh well, we cannot have it all. 😁

I must say I am a bit perplexed at the answers you women are giving this lady. Not that her complant isn’t semi-valid. But your advice; “Get his doctor to put him on anti-depressant medication, because one of the side effects is a reduced sex drive”, makes me glad I am not married. Especially to a woman who would put me on anti-depressant medication just because I wanted to have sex with my wife at 73 years old. 73 is not that old, even with dementia. Why isn’t anyone telling her maybe she should go to a doctor to find out what is wrong with her. Maybe she needs to be put on medication. Here’s my advice. Get him a gym membership and ask your daughters to take him twice a week to his 1-hour appointment with his 55 year old female battleship physical fittness trainer. Sign you and him up for dance lessons twice a week in the evening. Group and private lessons for each of you. If you want your daughters to think better of him, and you, get him an entirely new updated wardrobe, including new sunglasses. Hire a house cleaning crew of four big women to come in every other week for two hours and clean. Let him chase them around while you go out. And oh by the way, tell your daughters that you and dad will be going on a cruise twice a year from now on. That is what people who have worked since they were 12 do when they retire.

This reminds me I need to rewrite my revocable living trust document.