My husband is an alcoholic and is refusing any medical help. Suggestions?

Sounds like my dad in many ways, including the peeing in urinal jugs when the bathroom was 5ft outside the bedroom door. He rarely showered and I would cut his hair/beard with clippers at home. I had to wash his clothes twice and tried to bribe him into more frequent showers/changes. He would say, "If you don't like it, don't smell me." lol He would smoke, watch tv, and do crossword puzzles in bed all day. I had him tested multiple times for cognitive issues and it always came back that he was mentally fit.

Have your hubs tested for cognitive decline, at least. But sounds like your husband has already decided what standard of living works for him and now it's your turn. It's tough but nothing changes if you don't change. Your husband is fine with things. If you're not, then it's up to you.

Julia, I'm really sorry but you're going to have to leave. Contact APS and tell them you're going so that when he crashes they already know about him. Have you got somewhere to go? You say you can't walk out, but is that because you fear what will happen to him or because something else is stopping you?

If your husband is still at least attempting to use a jug to urinate in and showering once a week, then the horror of it is that he has a long way yet to fall. You can't stop him drinking. It's true that it may be medically unsafe to try, but besides that he will find access to alcohol. It's what they do. In the last few months I've seen a person who was supposed to be bedbound through injuries use a Zimmer frame and a backpack to walk to the store and carry vodka bottles half a mile home. Another taken to hospital for urgent treatment insisted on being discharged home the same day because that's where the cider was - couldn't dress, couldn't wash, couldn't get to the commode let alone the bathroom, could barely stand, had smashed a plate on the kitchen floor and was wandering around barefoot baffled by where the blood was coming from. Both have spouses, both spouses had moved heaven and earth for years to help. The only thing you can do for now is get yourself away from the situation.

He could die from alcohol withdrawal if he runs out of beer. He could also die from his uncontrollable drinking and neglect of his nutrition needs. Involuntary commitment is allowed if someone actions can lead to death, his own or that of others. The issue here is not mental competency, but the risk of death. Suicidal people might be mentally competent, yet they are usually committed involuntarily to mental institutions because they are dangerous to themselves.

Al Anon is a great start, certainly helped me. Face to face groups might not be possible, check online for their Zoom meetings. You say you can't leave. No where to go? There are women's shelters every where. You would be surprised at how many of them there are and well hidden. Don't know how to get away-say you're going to church or grocery shopping, and don't come back.
Perhaps you could re-read what you've written here as if it were posted by your best friend. What would suggest they do? How does this make you feel?
He is not going to change. You can.

You need to join AlAnon for good advice. I am sure they have group meetings online and it has helped many people living with loved ones who are alcoholics.

Alcohol addiction can lead to dementia and death. Very little can be done if the patient doesn't cooperate. It looks as if he is determined to die. If you agree that he is heading to a sure death (a slow suicide) for being unable to stop drinking and for not being able to take care of his basic physical needs, you can commit him (involuntary admission) to a psychiatric institution. There is nothing else you can do. To get him committed, you have to take him to a mental health professional who after examining him, determines that his current condition is threatening his life. The mental health provider will execute the paperwork required to have him involuntarily admitted to a mental facility for further evaluation.

The families of the alcoholic basically have only two choices when it comes down to it. Stay or go. Because no one can "deal with" an alcoholic; they rule every roost they inhabit. And no one can change an alcoholic. I sure am sorry you are going through this, but I will tell you that I see Al-Anon as your only good choice. You may there even find someone you can room with. I have seen that happen in the past. And at the least you will learn where you are and what can be done and have access to all the support there is for the family of an alcoholic.
I wish you the best and hope you will update us.

You say that you "can't" leave him, but is it that you can't or won't leave him, as there's a difference you know?
You should not be living in such conditions, as your house must smell awful with his pee all over the kitchen floor. You deserve so much better, as does he, but it is only you that you can change, so perhaps it's time for you to leave and start taking care of yourself. Al-Anon will be a great place for you to start, and they might have some suggestions of where you can go.
At the rate your husband is going he will be drinking himself into a early death, so you need to start getting "your ducks in a row" now.
I don't know what country you're in, but I hope that you have something like our Adult Protective Services that you can report him to, and they will come out and survey the situation, and take whatever steps are necessary to get you both the help you need.
My first husband is an alcoholic, and sometimes the best thing we can do is to just walk away to save ourselves. I hope that you will consider doing just that as you deserve so much better. God bless you.

He has to want help!

I am afraid the best course of action is for you to leave him. Make a plan and follow through. There are organizations to help you, but like him you have to be at the point that you want and will accept the help.

In your profile you say your husband (70 years old) has dementia.
If that is a confirmed diagnosis you can place him in a Memory Care facility.
What I would suggest that you do is see an attorney, specifically one that is versed in Elder Care and discuss options for YOU.
In the mean time if at ANY time he falls or requires your help in getting up you call 911 and say you need a "lift assist". When they get him up request transport to the hospital.
Once in the hospital ask to talk with a Social Worker and tell them that you can no longer SAFELY care for him at home.
You can also contact your Local Area Agency on Aging and begin to determine what help is available for him (and you)
If your husband is a Veteran contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and give them as much information as you can. They can help determine if he qualifies for any services through the VA. Depending on where and when he served will determine how much help he would qualify for. It could be a little or a LOT. (they keep changing and adding conditions that increase the likelihood of being classified with a "service connected disability)

How old is your husband, Julia?

He has chosen to live his life this way. The only thing you can change is YOUR behavior and YOUR mindset.

Why do you think you need his permission to get an estmate?

Have you been to Al-Anon? That might help you see how changing your behavior might lead to a better outcome.