I am my husband's caregiver. My husband is very angry that he is ill and he takes out his anger on me. My husband is very verbally abusive and at times his behavior will go on for hours. At this point in time he has not been physically abusive. Sometimes the things that I say, even though I am trying to help him, will trigger his anger. My question is how do I handle this? Yesterday was a very difficult day. I even called my Son for help and later in the day I called the Social Worker. The Social Worker stated that I may need to leave my home. I am 67 and retired from my job in July of 2018. The dementia has gotten worse over the last 2 years. At this time my husband is not a candidate for a Nursing Home, he scored too low (a 3, you need a 4 or 5 to be consider for a Nursing Home) on the PRI Assessment. We cannot afford assisted living since it is out of pocket. We do not have long term care insurance since my husband was diagnosed 17 years ago when he was 56 years of age. Any suggestions? Thanks
Next time he becomes violent you need to call 911 or whatever the emergency number in your area is.
Tell them you feel threatened and that he may do you harm.
This should get a transport to the hospital. There you will state that you do not feel safe with him at home.
With luck medication can help control the outbursts.
You need to take care of you!
Yes the Social Worker says that you may need to leave your home...did they give you the answer as to who will care for him when you leave? Where you will go when you leave? Not much help if I can put my two cents in.
Is your husband a Veteran? If so the VA may be able to help and depending on where and when he served it is possible that the diagnosis my be service related and that would be a big benefit to you and to how much help you can get.
"PATRIOT ANGELS"
844-757-3047 www.patriotangels.com
They will assist you to understand the "increasingly difficult process" of applying for VA benefits from the Dept of Veteran's Affairs. P.Angels can/will refer you to "VA accredited attorneys" that KNOW all the what / why's of VA require-ments... VA has SO many pitfalls built-in! The average person's claim request for assistance will get "rejected" quickly or you'll get buried in "we need more info" forms / delays - many people give up or get "rejected" in those later forms (I believe the VA is hoping people will give up). ONLY with help from Patriot Angels & the referred VA accredited attorney, my 91 yr parents "successfully secured aid & attendance monthly benefits! Patriot Angels answered my "many, many questions", connected me to VA Accred. attorney & submitted our final application claim. & follow up "need more info" forms with documents "direct to VA" for my parents/me. I thank God P.Angels were there for me....I was very
overwhelmed daily just caring for both my parents.
You must take good care of yourself to be able to continue caring for him.
Hoping you find something that helps.........
When I read your post, I just got pizzed. Leave, that is such a stupid response to give in these situations. I would request a more mature SW that has the ability to actually help.
You have probably tried this, but when he starts in, agree, get mad at the disease with him. Cuss it, degrade it, and then stop him from attacking you by saying I am angry too, I didn't do this to you and you are not going through this alone, it effects us all that you have this. Be mad DH, but STOP taking it out on me. I often think that men handle things so much differently than women and they don't even realize that they are being raginrhoids until we speak up. They handle fear so much poorer than women and we can't wrap our minds around the reactions.
Is there any place locally that you can get a volunteer sitter? Someone to come talk to him while you go out? You matter and need to be cared for during all of this as well. Please find a way to get out and have time to yourself.
Next time he gets verbally violent, call 911 and tell them you need help he is having some kind of fit and you are scared he will hurt you. I know that will be so difficult to do, but you can't continue to live under his tyrannical behavior. You will feel better knowing he is getting professional help.
Hugs and more hugs.
And I should’ve added about when you politely confront - sometimes you can’t “politely” confront. you have to be out right in their face back at them. I have to admit I’m very cautious of being that way with a man depending on their size, their temper, their propensity towards violence. Only she knows her man, Yet the sad thing is these diseases change our loved ones & sometimes and they’re not the same anymore. Not a pleasant position to be in
It sounds to me that his PDD is accompanied by Lewy Bodies Dementia (LBD). I suggest bringing this to his neurologist's attention. Has he had a brain scan? This will confirm if it is LBD.
Knowing which EXACT form of dementia changes so much in how we interact with that person. I encourage you to look up LBD and see if the behaviors are familiar.
But always remember that your loved one isn't acting this way on purpose. Try not to get angry or upset or take it personally.
Speak calmly and softly to the person.
If the behavior is aggressive, back away. Give your loved one space. Then calmly approach him or her. Don't argue.
Consider the potential cause of the behavior. Is your loved one tired, hungry, in pain, frustrated, lonely, bored? Could it be a side effect of medication?
Respond to the emotion, not the behavior. Avoid trying to reason with the patient, this may often lead to frustration for both of you, because he may be unable to follow lengthy explanations.
Having a Lewy Body diagnosis may change the guidelines for admission in some places bc it is a high functioning form of dementia but with behavioral disturbances (early). Make sure to involve his neuro and be honest of your fears and concerns regarding his behavior. He may have a better chance of having him placed somewhere bc he knows LBD.
i think moving out is a good idea. Could you live with your son and visit your husband during the day
We are here to talk anytime, sending hugs from Florida