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I am at my wits end.

There comes a time when dementia reaches a point where placement becomes necessary. Your husband may be at that stage right now, although it may be hard for you find Memory Care facilities willing to accept new residents now, with the pandemic going on. Look into placement for him and see what you can come up with.

In the meantime, go to Alzheimers.org to find useful coping mechanisms to deal with his outbursts. Redirecting him is always a good idea. You can offer him a snack or start singing a song with him............anything to distract him away from what's causing him to yell and scream. Oftentimes, with this disease, they are unable to communicate their needs and so their frustration is shown by yelling and screaming. It's up to you to figure out what he really NEEDS when he's acting out, and then go about getting it for him in an effort to calm him down. Music is very good for people with dementia and can often calm them down instantly. Baby dolls can sometimes be helpful, even for men............human beings enjoy holding babies and swaddling them; it brings comfort and a sense of need back into their muddled and confused brains.

Here is what Alzheimers.org has to say on the subject of screaming & yelling:
This behaviour can be very distressing for you and the person with dementia, and can negatively affect how you’re feeling around each other.
There are many possible reasons for why a person with dementia is shouting or screaming. For example:
they’re in pain or discomfort
they’re attempting to communicate a need – for example, that they’re hungry or thirsty
they’re feeling anxious, lonely or bored
they don’t have enough to keep them engaged, or there’s too much going on
they’re responding to a hallucination or misperception
they’re finding it difficult to communicate
the room or place they’re in may be uncomfortable for them, for example, too hot or cold, too dark or too noisy.
Shouting and screaming – tips for carers
Don’t ignore or talk over the person. Involve them in what is happening and explain what is going on.
The behaviour may be a response to them not understanding your intentions. For example, if you’re helping them get dressed or undressed they may not understand why. Providing clear directions about what you’re doing and giving the person time can help.
Try to make sure the person spends time with others and has things to engage their senses (such as smells that prompt memories or objects they can play with). Think about whether the environment could be causing the person distress or not meeting their needs. For example they may not be able to find the toilet, or bad lighting may be causing shadows, which can be confusing.

You can also call his doctor to request medication to calm him down; let the doctor know what's happening & request his help.

My other recommendation is to watch Teepa Snow videos on Youtube.com She has a wonderful way of helping you deal with dementia by understanding what THEY are going through, and responding to it accordingly. The best way to learn about something is to understand it. Check her out; she's awesome.

Best of luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Rerita, it is time to start looking at your options. Tomorrow , call the Department of Aging and Adult Services in your county. You may have to wait, but they have social workers who can help you see what your options are. It is very hard to care for someone with dementia at home. I'm sure you are doing a great job but you probably could use some help. There is help out there for you. There are home health aides and senior care centers and places that will accept a short term respite placement.

But for rIght now, have you any family? Have you shared your struggles with them? It's common for spouses to protect the spouse with dementia by downplaying or hiding the problems. Maybe your family can help you if you let them know what you are going through.

It must be so hard to be locked in with him right now. This forum is full of people who will sympathize with you! I'm sure other people will have good advice.
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Reply to Alicew234
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