My husband & I live with my mom who has alzheimer's. She treats me ok, but she treats my husband like crap... What do I do?

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It is really hard to know what goes on it the mind of a dementia patient. Does she see him as a threat to your attention to her? Maybe he reminds her of someone she didn't like -- an adult from her childhood who was mean to her. Who knows? Did she have a decent relationship with him before the dementia?

I think it depends on how advanced the dementia is as to whether she can learn new behavior and apply it consistently. Is your husband hurt by her treatment, or is he able to recognize it is the disease and take it in stride? If he isn't too distressed by it maybe you can manage by minimizing the contact between them.

Does your mother enjoy a treat in the evening? A glass of beer and some pretzels, a bowl of butter pecan ice cream? Perhaps if your husband delivered it to her each evening and was especially pleasant to her she'd warm up to him a little.

How very sad. I hope you can figure out a way to improve things a little. Let us know if you do!
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You need to talk to her about this. Alzheimer's causes agitation, etc., but to treat you and your husband differently needs to be addressed if this is going to work out. I don't know the degree of her Alz. but for me, anyway, my MIL used to treat me well but not my husband, her own son - go figure.

I would talk to her about it and try to figure out what is going on. My MIL seemed to understand that sometimes she was treating my husband poorly. You can't let it go without saying something. I don't know how controlled it can be; but sometimes they think they can get away with misbehaving and they have to understand it is not acceptable. It is a challenge. Good luck with this; you will find the right words to say at the right time. Take care.
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