What do you do when someone refuses going to see the doctor and cancer treatment? - AgingCare.com

What do you do when someone refuses going to see the doctor and cancer treatment?

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My husband has cancer, but makes excuses for not going to see his doctor and refuses treatment. What should I do?

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My 80 year-old mom and I went to the ER when she became suddenly very confused. Two days later, we left with a diagnosis of stage iv renal carcinoma meta'd to adrenals, spine, and lungs. She agreed to two ct scans, an MRI and a kidney biopsy, which presented a "false negative." At first she denied she had cancer and accused "sham, con, crooked doctors and the medical field of trying to steal" her money. In other words, she was Irrational. THAT was incredibly frustrating, and, of course, she was refusing treatment in that state of mind.

She has always been very healthy, fit, eaten mainly organic home-grown food, exercised daily, her entire life. She would occasionally see alternative doctors or use home remedies.

After a month, she told me that when a friend asked about her sudden weight loss, she told her, "I have cancer, and I am not seeing a doctor for it. I want you to see me healed. If it turns out that I need hospice, I will take morphine, but I am going to do this MY WAY."

For me, that was a sign of her choice being made RATIONALLY. Although it is NOT what I would do, she knew her options and made HER choice. And I want to respect that.

My husband and his family coerced their father to have chemo, and it was HELL, he said. He says he feels guilty to this day for "forcing Dad" into such suffering.

We need to each make peace with our own decisions, being part of this experience. Yes, it is the immediate experience of the person with cancer. But it really is OUR cancer, too. It is important for us to keep our own IMMUNE SYSTEMS healthy and to be aware of our own emotional challenges in this group experience.
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very good advice Angela...
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Enjoy every moment you have together. Love him and respect his wishes. Go on that dream trip, eat off the china, take a bubble bath together and use the "good" towels. It's not how long you stay together, it's what you do with that time!
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It is possible bless his heart that he is just done... We are facing this with my Daddy he is just tired and getting weaker. I would have a serious and honest chat with him. I know it is not easy but I am sure that you want to respect his wishes... take care J
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He may be in denial. He may have decided to avoid unpleasant medical procedures, high medical bills, or an extension of life he deems will lack much quality. He may have decided not be 'be a burden' to loved ones.
His age and/or other health conditions may be a factor in his decision. (You did not state how old he is.)

Here is an article from the LA Times which touches on some of these points.
http://articles.latimes.com/2007/feb/05/health/he-enough5/4
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I agree - it is important to find out why he will not go. He has a reason and if he can't tell you, is there someone else he can talk with?
You don't want to be arguing with him at a time when you both need each other so much . . . . try to get on the same side and see how he is thinking.
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You know him better than anyone. Is he the kind of person that has trouble facing difficult things? Has he thrown in the towel so to speak and doesn't want to fight the cancer? He can't know for sure if it's gonna kill him till he gets the facts right? Personally, I would want to know EVERYTHING about the cancer I had, but then I suppose not everyone is that way.
Pick his brain, see where he's coming from.
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