My husband’s mom has had severe Demetria for the last 4 years. Although we have been together for 7 years, we just got married last year. He moved his mother into his house he had from his first marriage. He runs his business out of there. Although he has caregivers daily, he is with his mom everyday and spends way too much time with her. It’s silly to say but there’s a part of me that feels jealous how much time, energy and devotion he gives to her. She views me as the “other” woman since she struggles to remember if he is her dad, husband or son. She’s rarely nice to me so most of the time he spends with her is without me present.
I try to tell him that he’s out of balance and I feel disconnected, but to no avail...
based on my profession, as a psychotherapist, I’m aware of stress, empathy and I’m fully aware of codependency and unhealthy boundaries.
My husband made a commitment to me that he would make our marriage his main priority and he is not open to long term AI care.
You may need to do some research on dementia to better understand what your husband is going through with his mom. Do you help him take care of her or does he do everything for her when the caregivers aren’t there? Caregiving for a parent with dementia is a stressful, emotional and extremely difficult undertaking. Even with caregivers, watching a parent decline is heartbreaking. I’m sure he is aware of not paying enough attention to you without being reminded. Suggest a lunch date while the caregivers are there. Support him and when you do your reasearch on the stages of dementia, tell him you understand what he’s going through.