I have full responsibility of her and he RARELY helps ever. She argues each and every time she goes into the bathroom which is about 4 times a day! She tries to play with the dirty tissue instead of flushing it and sometimes tries to use it to wipe her skin. She smacks really loudly even with the most simplest of meals..and she absolutely hums from the time she wakes till she sleeps at night..if she sleeps at all. But the worst thing is she will get angry at me for stopping her from her tissue episodes and she spits on me.. My husband says she doesn't know what she's doing, but I believe she does since she only spits when I have to take the dirty tissue out of her hands. I am at my wits end and I relayed to my husband before she came that I could help from 8am to 8pm with weekends off. Well he comes in from work around 6pm, eats and goes to sleep. Every weekend he has to do something work related and on Sundays is the only time he has to golf, which by the way he deserves since he works all week and I do not! I'm exhausted physically, the humming constantly is driving me crazy, and it would be a miracle if she will use the bathroom just once without a big argument to get her in and out shorter than 15-20 minutes...any suggestions??

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Time for you to go on a holiday. I think 2 weeks should be long enough to get your hubby to realize you are serious.

If he can afford to go golfing every weekend, there must be money in the kitty for you to go to a resort spa, Vegas, a quilting retreat (or whatever hobbies you have). Perhaps a London Show Tour? Or maybe a cruise. You need to get far enough away that you cannot pop back home.

I am sorry, but even offering to cover 12 hours a day 5 days a week is excessive, especially when hubby is not helping and you have 24/7. That is slavery.

All kidding aside, you are not equipped to care for this woman, she needs 24/7 care from professionals.
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She needs MC, she doesn't need to be living with you and your husband. Your husband needs to get on the stick and start looking for a place for her. Taking care of her is not your responsibility, it is his, he has effectively dumped her on you.

Sounds like you are totally dependent on your husband to provide an income, have you considered working outside the home to provide yourself with some independence, so he doesn't hold all the power?

I wish you the best, hope that you figure this out before she destroys you, your mental and physical health.
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the answers you’ve been given spell out what needs to happen with MIL.
Was she on Medicaid or private pay while in the NH?
If on Medicaid probably not too difficult to get her back in. Call your Area Agency on Aging and ask them to come give her an assessment and help you get her placed in a memory care if possible.
I hear you when you say your husband needs his time off. Of course he does.
So do you. SO DO YOU.
Get help. It’s that simple really. Really it is. Either get her in memory care or get hired help in the home. This will not get better on its own. Make some calls on Friday.

Dont start 2020 with this going on. It’s really not necessary. Let us know how it’s going. Hugs.
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Spirit: my MIL started similar behaviour and she was then transferred to the MC unit in the same NH.
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Sounds like your MIL needs a Memory Care facility where her dementia behaviors are commonplace and can be effectively managed. You're obviously in over your head trying to manage her alone at home and your husband is completely out of line treating you like the hired help. This is HIS mother, first of all, who he's turned into YOUR problem 100%. In my world, that's a deal breaker. Either hubby finds her a new living arrangement or he finds himself a new wife.....thats just my view of things.

Good luck putting your foot down and getting MIL placed in a good Memory Care Assisted Living
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