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I'm not sure how to deal with my husband's bad manners in public when we're with friends. This is new for me and not sure I should be announcing to everyone that he has dementia as a way for them to overlook his behavior (like eating his meal then reaching across and starting to eat from my plate or just starting to eat before everyone is seated).
I find that I'm less inclined to accept invitations or invite friends over for a meal. Any advice?

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Don't isolate yourselves. Tell your friends privately before seeing them. You might change what venues you go to for eating out -- somewhere more casual. If he continues to decline, you could invite people over for more casual settings also. Have an afternoon visit with just snacks, or eat outside in nice weather, or do buffet style so he can have what he wants rather than a served meal. Trust that your friends will understand. You will value their support as you go through this.
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Reply to MG8522
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It's time to let your friends know he has dementia. You don't need him there to do that. Probably time to stop doing meals out, too. It's really hard to face this, but the sooner you tell family and friends the better.
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Reply to JustAnon
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It's probably time to stop taking your husband out to eat in public and it's definitely time to let your friends know what is going on with your husband, as you are doing you both a disservice by not telling them.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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It's a weird behavior of dementia patients to steal food from plates of others at the table. Happens a lot at my DH's memory care facility. Your husband is well into dementia if he is doing that.

Other behaviors will surface. This makes it impossible to take them out because you never know what they will do next, and this includes some pretty gross behavior such as urinating in public and stealing things. My advice, and it's something you won't like, is to stop taking him out. When behavior isn't appropriate, we largely lose our spouse's companionship outside the home.

We want to pretend that nothing is different and that they just have a little memory loss. But it's much more than that, and they can't adjust to being "outside" so we are the ones who must adjust by learning to go it alone.

I'm very sorry. This is one of the things you don't learn in the books and articles about dementia, which often sugar-coat the situation.
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Reply to Fawnby
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You definitely need to speak with your friends about your husband's dementia, which is not "early" in any sense, and then stop going out to dinner. Behavior like this is unacceptable in public and your friends will stop accepting invitations soon anyway, most likely. Speak with them privately by phone when DH is out of earshot, that is my suggestion. As dementia advances, and behavior like this accelerates, it's best to keep DH at home in a familiar environment.

I recommend a book called Understanding the Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller and The 36 Hour Day as well. Learn all you can about the condition and how best to manage your lives now.

I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you good luck and Godspeed with a difficult situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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