They just vibrate until I tell him to walk. He wants to go home. We have been together and lived in this house for 24 years. He thinks he left me for another man and lived with him for 14 years. I told him I will take him there but he does not remember his address or what city. His phone number is the same as here so he only gets a busy signal. THe clincher is, the other person has the same name I do the same birthday and was born in the same city. Same brothers ans sister when he remembers them, but this person is not me. I am afraid he will go looikng for him. He did that once and got lost. Missing person report and all. He totaled the car but did not get hurt or hurt anyone else. Thank G-d. Any advice or suggestions would be so helpful Thanks in advance and just being there helps
Once when he was evacuated for a storm his meds had to be sent for. He wanted to know which house his granddaughter went to get the meds. He said it didn’t matter, either one was okay that he just wondered.
I named the town where he lived. He said that’s fine. It was on his mind constantly but we just went along as if it was normal.
Your DH won’t get lost if he isn’t driving so that’s the immediate issue. No driving. Tell him the other man is out of town and asked if you could stay with you until he gets back or whatever you can think of to assure him he will be going “home” soon. Try to distract him with other activities.
I’m sorry for your situation. You might check out Teepa Snow videos if you haven’t already. She has some good tips on redirecting.
And for the love of God PLEASE do NOT let him drive anymore as someone driving with any of the dementias is like a person driving drunk or high on drugs.
So take away his keys or dismantle the car in some way.
And your husband I believe now has what is called Cagras Syndrome. You can "Google" to find out more about that.
But bottom line your husband now requires 24/7 care and shouldn't be left alone nor should he ever drive again.
And like already said, the home your husband is now wanting to return to is his childhood home where he grew up and where his parents were and where he felt safe.
I hope that you will educate yourself more about this horrific disease so you will be better prepared for what lies ahead.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/capgras-syndrome
That may be why the name is the same and all the siblings are the same.
Do you have photo albums you can sit and talk about the "people in the pictures" he may not connect the you now with the you from years ago. (It is nice to know that he feels this way about you)
I will tell you (or suggest..not "tell") that you do not argue with him or try to convince him that you are the same person. I say this for several reasons
1.) you will NEVER win an argument with a person that has dementia.
2.) to argue will just frustrate both of you and you or he will get angry, frustrated, and it is just not worth it.
I think his dementia is a bit more progressed than you think it is.
He should no longer be driving.
He should not be left alone. If he has a tendency to wander place a tracking tag in a wallet, shoes or use one of the tracking apps for his phone. (that only works if it is charged and he has it with him so there is a down side.
If there are any Adult Day programs near you please look into that. It will give you both a break as his dementia progresses.
If he was in the Service please look into any benefits that he may be entitled to through the VA. (the VA will now pay a Spouse to care for the Veteran so that might help you) And the VA does have Veteran "Foster Houses" so if caring for him gets a bit much that might be an option.
With dementia, the mind regresses in time back to when they were young and living with their parents and siblings. That's the "home" they want to go back to......a place in time rather than anything else. A time when life was easy and there was no disease at play.
Just distract hubby when he's off on a tangent about these delusions. If he's agitated, call his doctor for meds to calm him down.
Your husband's mind is not working properly, so don't let him drive under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. If you cannot prevent him from leaving the home, you can no longer care for him at home and he needs placement in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility or Skilled Nursing care. He must be kept safe, so if he can leave your home and get lost, that's a big problem. You can hire someone to install locks on the exterior doors that he cannot access, but you'll still need to have the ability to keep him from driving.
Best of luck to you.