He cannot remember anything the minute he is told. Recognizes some and not others he has not seen recently. Is on mementine and anti depressant. Many days when he wakes up he feels like he is in a fog and dizzy and sleeps a lot during the day. Is this an expected side affect of dementia. Is unable to carry on social conversation because he cannot remember how or what he was saying. Is there anything else I can do. He is 88 and has always been in great shape and active but all changed in last two years. He is in our home and I retired to take care of him.

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Things can change very fast so my advice is to have a plan A and plan B as best as you can. My dad was doing all the things you state here, also on mementine but no anti depressent. He was able to walk 1/4 mile a day with a walker and accompanied. His dementia wasn't that bad. You could have a conversation with him and he often remembered what you told him at least for awhile. That was 2 months ago. He fell, got a hematoma and now is really very bad memory wise. I had visited all the assisted living and memory care places so I knew where I wanted him to go once he needed a wheelchair and became incontinent. My house just isn't set up for wheel chair accessibility and I knew that I didn't have the strength and mental ability to care for him at home if that were to happen.

So you need to ask yourself at what point you feel you cannot do it by yourself and whether you think with in-home help (expensive) it's do-able. Financially as well as having people coming and going all the time. My aunt takes care of my uncle at home and has 3 sets of caregivers so that she has 24/7 help. It's pretty much depleted all their assets. But she feels strongly that it's his home and she doesn't want to do a nursing home or memory care.

I have to say that the memory care facility we found for dad is going to do a much better job keeping him engaged that I could. Even if he can't talk well or do enough physically, they will get him up and into the community for exercise class or meals and engage him to the extent he can be engaged.
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I too would question his meds. I looked up memantine. Its for cognativity. At some point as the desease progresses these meds don't really help. Is he on cholesterol meds. These will effect cognitivity too. At 88 they really aren't needed. Actually, they can do more harm if the liver enzymes are too high. My Mom was taken off.
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marydys May 2021
We didn't find memantine to make much difference.
LMarrero have you checked the side effects of his medication is foggy and dizzy could be the results what time of day do you give him the medication and also have a fact affect why is father on antidepressant or is that the doctor suggestion because of outbreaks screaming and yelling and something to calm him down . Possible the dose is to high . You need to call the doctor for rechecking medication.
Well not seen others for a while forget their names , the people he say more often or the ones he keeps in his memory when he speaks on the phone more often then here it stays in his current memory.
( make father a photo album please pictures in there and their names and let him view them at least once a week or every day if it’s choice that keeps him calm tell them the names together that helps your smile more you’ll see the
faces )
You stated father sleeps all day well he needs to be active you need to put him on a regimen schedule . Example: when you get up in the morning same time do your bathroom duties put on your clothes eat, talk to him while you eat together they love company, when they eat alone they feel isolated no interaction . you could be cleaning the dishes but still talking to him . Get you a transition video or small radio your iPhone or your tablet put on some soft music in the kitchen or the dining room . Music relaxing for all .
And if you can find music that is his liking you would be surprise he’ll be patting his feet clapping his hands and he might even wanna dance with you
when you’re done you should go for a walk that seems to perk them up and if there’s an adult daycare try to get father attended at least for two days out the week to see how he does that’s what I’ve done for my mother she enjoys the walk don’t worry about the conversation the vocabulary comes and go and what I don’t understand look at his facial expression and you can respond by that but don’t be shaking your head yes and say yes because you don’t understand what he saying and then when you tell him no just remember you told him yes. Again I learned that from my mother she was on the gibberish talk and when she laugh, I laughed and then English did come back out but this time they will forget nothing . They think they’re talking to you and you look in them in the face while they talk and you don’t understand.
I had to retire in 2014 was gonna stay one more year of service but when I see mother starting to not able to remember to put on clothes, but yet remember to cooked and cleaned and did laundry I know something was supposedly wrong she always was dressed
possible he needs to see a neurologist has he been there and a genealogist .
just try to stay calm, he will change often and daily . I pray this assist you some
Adult Day Care was $69.00 a day based on income Mother didn’t qualify for waiver .
Get Father assets in order Know if you haven’t started .
Respectfully Brown Sugar
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Hi LMarrero, I also took care of my older husband for 5 years. He passed away in December at 80, when I was 38. He was a brilliant man who had vascular dementia, required dialysis, and a wheelchair. I kept him at home and dedicated myself to his care while continuing to teach part-time online. His dementia never got so bad that he couldn’t hold a conversation, thankfully. But, yes, he became more and more tired, lacked interest in doing things, and was easily overwhelmed. Tried various medications, but they often had side effects. If your husband doesn’t yet have a geriatric primary care Doctor, I’d suggest making the switch because they are better in my experience.

It is a tough journey. I recommend you explore living options and organize your medical and social resources. This forum was very helpful for me, and I became the advocate for my husband. I also had a therapist for myself and the VA team of medical professionals doing care at home for him. They were so helpful.

Good luck 🌹
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My mom is 77 and in great health other than having Dementia. She too can no longer caring on a conversation but we try. When she wants or needs anything it's easier for her to show me rather then trying to remember what it's called. She has good days and bad but is always getting worse. I cope with it a lot of the time by making her laugh at something she is trying to say or do. You will get use to the conversations he tries to have and will be able to figure out what he means. Example: Think of a small child that's just learning to talk and only the mother knows what he/she is trying to say. Hope this helps.. God bless
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