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FIL has been verbally abusive and has accused him of thief yelling about it loudly while in the hospital. All accusations are unfounded and my husband has been killing himself trying to do things for a Dad who is totally ungrateful. Husband had a bad childhood due to this man. My MIL has passed away and the situation has only gotten worse. He has a sister who has made the situation worse . My husband plans to resign today and the hospital will have to appoint someone to be the POA. His Dad is not able to care for himself adequately, insists on heating with a pellet stove and my husband has to carry in approximately a 1,000 lbs of this stuff up steps into the home monthly ( each bag weighs 40 lbs). Also has to fill buckets with pellets to be put into the stove. Also the stove has to be cleaned out several times a week. My husband goes to the store for him and other chores. The house is falling down and is unclean. He refuses help from agencies and I had arranged for Meals on Wheels which was refused. One daughter has nothing to do with him as he abused her as a child. I don’t blame her. I am unable and unwilling to assist as he had molested my daughter years ago and stalked her.


Will my husband still be held responsible for a his Dad even if he resigns? He said that he has had enough.

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I think ur FIL needs to be evaluated. Mental illness or Dementia he is not competent to take care of himself. POA does not mean u have to do for them. Just means u handle finances when they can't and make decisions for medical. If Dad is found incompetent, then u try place him in LTC and forget about him. All his needs will be met. He can pay privately and when the money runs out apply for Medicaid.

While he is in the hospital get him evaluated. If they find he needs 24/7 care thats when u can place him.

I would go to a lawyer to resign so a letter can be written. Then give the letter to those u need to. Find out from that lawyer where u stand. FIL should be discharged to a safe place. If ur husband is no longer involved, the state may need to step in. FIL molesting your daughter was and is a good reason for not continuing or not getting involved at all.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I agree with others, please cut this man totally out of your life. I cannot imagine how you could even stand for your husband to be around him for what he did to your daughter. As someone else said, let him go back home til it falls down around him!! Why is the old man not in jail???
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Reply to cherokeegrrl54
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Whvbw19: You wrote: "I don’t know if the hospital will notify APS. I can do it if need be ."

The main reason for your husband to do so is purely to cover his backside since your FIL is so vindictive. It's fine for your husband to resign as POA and notify all parties. But there's the personal aspect of walking away. Maybe I think the worst sometimes, but your FIL (or anyone in his personal sphere) could file a complaint that your husband abandoned him and walked away without ensuring some personal oversight for your FIL. It should take one phone call (disclaimer: I've never dealt with any agency like this) and maybe one meeting to ensure the "agent" from APS is fully aware of FIL's situation.

The secondary reason is so you and your husband know in your heart of hearts that you did everything humanly possible to ensure he was taken care of.

Please keep us updated. I hope it all goes well. We're here for you!
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Reply to MountainMoose
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"I had arranged for Meals on Wheels which was refused. One daughter has nothing to do with him as he abused her as a child. I don’t blame her. I am unable and unwilling to assist as he had molested my daughter years ago and stalked her."

I am amazed that you did ANYthing for this man if he molested and stalked your daughter.
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Reply to CTTN55
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cherokeegrrl54 Jan 15, 2020
Why was he not prosecuted and put in jail where he belongs?!?!
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He can and should resign. His dad sounds mentally ill, not simply demented and delusional.

Sometimes, we have to step back to get out loved ones the care they need.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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My husband is not on any of his Dads accounts Never has been. I don’t know if the hospital will notify APS. I can do it if need be . The State needs to be involved. They had been to the house before when home health was in the home for my MIL. Nothing was done about their living conditions then. There is also the issue of the suspicious fall that my MIL had then resulted in 5 broken ribs and caused her eventual death. She refused to say how she fell to the social worker , docotor and nurses at the hospital before she died. When questioned she said “I don’t want to talk about it”. I suspect abuse there but can’t prove it.
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Reply to Whvbw19
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Your husband can resign as others have stated. To avoid any possible "abandonment" accusation from his father, he should also notify APS and/or any senior-care agency (as gladimhere suggested to ensure at least one agency is aware of him and his condition). Ensure all agencies and his father have a copy of his resignation. I totally agree with DollyMe to remove his name from any account.

You can also consider auto-rejecting any phone calls from him.

I'm relieved for your DH and you and your family that you can walk away and hope you find peace. I can't imagine what you've all been through.
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Reply to MountainMoose
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He can resign. Did dad assign a successor? Hubs is responsible for notifying everyone that will be effected. He will have to notify APS to put dad on their radar. It may come to the state taking guardianship. Then hubs will be completely out of it, no say about anything. The hospital will not be assigning POA, they will be requesting emergency guardianship from the court.

What about getting dad a geriatric care manager to handle all of the day to day business. Then hubs could become an occasional visitor.

Delusions in the hospital are very common.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Whvbw19 Jan 15, 2020
No successor in the MPOA papers. His wife was primary but she has since passed away. No one else now besides my husband on the MPOA . Not a good situation.
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He needs to be cut out of your lives, not just as PoA if he's molested your kid. Let him rot in the old house until it falls down around him like in The Fall of the House of Usher.
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Reply to HelloImMinsu
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No, he will not, sounds like it is time to cut the cord. I am so sorry that your family has had to deal with someone like him. If there are any accounts in both their names, have your husband remove his name.
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Reply to anonymous912123
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