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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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That is how my husband first presented. He lost his job because he kept yelling at people. It took a few years before I finally had enough and consulted his PCP. He ordered preliminary tests, and after each one, they ordered another, and then another. The neurologists determined dementia but not the cause because he had several health issues that can cause symptoms. Sadly, it was during Covid so we only had virtual visits and a diagnosis was dragged out. After his first face to face with a dementia specialist, it took her 40 minutes to determine it was Alzheimer’s. Only then were they able to start treating him in a meaningful way. Now that he has given me total control of his meds his moods have leveled out. The memory loss, however, is heart-breaking! He will never level out or get better. They call it “The Long Goodbye” for good reasons.
My husband was diagnosed with dementia after a CT scan also diagnosed hydrocephalus, the symptoms of which were the reason for the CT. Fortunately, in the lead-up to his final diagnoses, we had been to an Elder Care Attorney to update our wills. In the meantime I had gone to our Texas.gov website for legal forms: Legal POA, Medical POA, Care and Consent, Advance Directive, Transfer on Death for our cars and was in the process of filling these out. The attorney was more than ok with what I had done and when I had them all completed, I had them properly signed, witnessed and notarized by neighbors who are friends and another who is a notary. The next thing I did was buy a portable file at the office supply and labeled sections for all paperwork related to house, burial, cars, annuity, IRA, medical, wills, Advance Directives, and I keep adding to it. I have an entire section for each of us and labeled it on the outside and sent a photo to both daughters. At this stage in his dementia he’s mostly a P in the A😜 but through Medicare and VA home health and rehab at home, I have names and numbers of his Social Workers to call if he starts to need help at home or to be institutionalized eventually. There’s no predicting the trajectory of this, but for now I am his FT Caretaker/Nag 😂 as well as his wife. I hope this gives you some ideas for preparing for the future.
Thank you for your help. He refuses to see anyone! I've tried to get him to talk to his Dr. about it, he says there's nothing wrong with him. As for legal advice, I've tried to get him to see someone. He believes that everything, including any decisions concerning his healthcare will automatically fall to me. I can't convince him that there are legal issues that have to be handled. He is paranoid that someone will take advantage of him just to charge him a bunch of money.
Oh I am so there with yu sister except my hubs trusts no one even me. He’s hidden bank accounts n other pertinent things. After 35 yrs married he acts like we aren’t married n have nothing together! I’m driven to the point of probable divorce
I've known a number of people who showed these exact signs and eventually were diagnosed with dementia.
It could also be signs of other mental illnesses. How much does he drink? Alcohol can exacerbate these symptoms. How much did he drink in the past? If a lot, that could be a reason - Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. Or is it possible he could have had mini-strokes? Then there's intermittent explosive rage disorder. Combined with alcohol, complete with blackouts, that could be a reason for his behavior. I've seen this in my family, and it's very scary.
Your husband needs an evaluation. You have received great advice here, with several options. Two things to keep in mind are: 1) It's complicated. 2) You must keep yourself safe. Combativeness can start out small, then the next thing you know you're in the hospital.
He's not much of a drinker. He'll drink a beer about 2 times a week. He is diabetic and is relentless about not eating sugar so drinking is not good for him. The mini strokes...I'll have to check into that. He's had a couple of spells of weakness when he was working in the yard, but I attributed it to heat. He was on Zoloft but decided to stop taking it because he saw something on YouTube that said it caused dementia! The Zoloft helped but I was about to ask his Dr. to increase his dosage then he quit altogether. He won't even talk about going back on it. How do I get him to accept that he needs help?
First, get legal ducks in a row, then get him in for an exam and diagnosis. Often dementia is only diagnosed by discounting all other medical/health/physical possibilities. This can be done by starting with his primary doctor. If necessary he may be referred to a neurologist for further imaging and tests.
You may need to employ a therapeutic fib to get him in to see either professional. Sometimes obstinance and paranoia come with dementia as well.
If he is already combative and aggressive at all, you should make sure to discretely mention this to his doctor too. Certain forms of dementia come with different behaviors, some more aggressive and even violent than others. His doc can't prescribe meds for agitation and aggression without a full, recent exam.
I also ditto that even if he verbally threatens you, to call 911. You can tell them he's not been himseld and you "don't know why, maybe he has a UTI -- he won't cooperate with getting medical attention". EMTs won't come if you mention dementia since this isn't a medical emergency that can be diagnosed or treated in the ER. Once at the hospital you can tell them he is an "unsafe discharge" and you absolutely don't feel safe at home. Refuse to take him home. They will hopefully transfer him to their psych wing to get him to comply with taking meds. My cousin had a UTI and ALZ. Her son had to hug her into submission to contain her while she scratched and clawed him on the way to the hospital. She was in the psych sing for a month while they treated her UTI and would comply with meds for her agitation.
You are in a marathon, not a sprint so you must make self-care a priority. Whatever it takes. I'm so sorry you both are dealing with this distressing situation. Hopefully he has something that is treatable. I wish you peace in your heart.
It can be. I have read that often people diagnosed with dementia have been ab le to "hide" symptoms for sometimes 10 years before others really notice. The first thing you have to do is get a diagnosis. But you really should see an Elder Care Attorney to make sure that all your "legal ducks are in a row" this will make it much easier for you later on. If your husband is cognizant enough talking to the attorney it should not be a problem but if they do not think he understands what is being said or asked of him it might be a bit more difficult. So get this done asap. Another think you have to do is...if at any time you feel threatened or unsafe in any way you MUST call 911. Leave the room if you can so that you are not in danger. Talk to his doctor about the anger, agitation as there are medications that can help.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
At this stage in his dementia he’s mostly a P in the A😜 but through Medicare and VA home health and rehab at home, I have names and numbers of his Social Workers to call if he starts to need help at home or to be institutionalized eventually. There’s no predicting the trajectory of this, but for now I am his FT Caretaker/Nag 😂 as well as his wife. I hope this gives you some ideas for preparing for the future.
I can't convince him that there are legal issues that have to be handled. He is paranoid that someone will take advantage of him just to charge him a bunch of money.
It could also be signs of other mental illnesses. How much does he drink? Alcohol can exacerbate these symptoms. How much did he drink in the past? If a lot, that could be a reason - Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. Or is it possible he could have had mini-strokes? Then there's intermittent explosive rage disorder. Combined with alcohol, complete with blackouts, that could be a reason for his behavior. I've seen this in my family, and it's very scary.
Your husband needs an evaluation. You have received great advice here, with several options. Two things to keep in mind are: 1) It's complicated. 2) You must keep yourself safe. Combativeness can start out small, then the next thing you know you're in the hospital.
First, get legal ducks in a row, then get him in for an exam and diagnosis. Often dementia is only diagnosed by discounting all other medical/health/physical possibilities. This can be done by starting with his primary doctor. If necessary he may be referred to a neurologist for further imaging and tests.
You may need to employ a therapeutic fib to get him in to see either professional. Sometimes obstinance and paranoia come with dementia as well.
If he is already combative and aggressive at all, you should make sure to discretely mention this to his doctor too. Certain forms of dementia come with different behaviors, some more aggressive and even violent than others. His doc can't prescribe meds for agitation and aggression without a full, recent exam.
I also ditto that even if he verbally threatens you, to call 911. You can tell them he's not been himseld and you "don't know why, maybe he has a UTI -- he won't cooperate with getting medical attention". EMTs won't come if you mention dementia since this isn't a medical emergency that can be diagnosed or treated in the ER. Once at the hospital you can tell them he is an "unsafe discharge" and you absolutely don't feel safe at home. Refuse to take him home. They will hopefully transfer him to their psych wing to get him to comply with taking meds. My cousin had a UTI and ALZ. Her son had to hug her into submission to contain her while she scratched and clawed him on the way to the hospital. She was in the psych sing for a month while they treated her UTI and would comply with meds for her agitation.
You are in a marathon, not a sprint so you must make self-care a priority. Whatever it takes. I'm so sorry you both are dealing with this distressing situation. Hopefully he has something that is treatable. I wish you peace in your heart.
I have read that often people diagnosed with dementia have been ab le to "hide" symptoms for sometimes 10 years before others really notice.
The first thing you have to do is get a diagnosis.
But you really should see an Elder Care Attorney to make sure that all your "legal ducks are in a row" this will make it much easier for you later on.
If your husband is cognizant enough talking to the attorney it should not be a problem but if they do not think he understands what is being said or asked of him it might be a bit more difficult. So get this done asap.
Another think you have to do is...if at any time you feel threatened or unsafe in any way you MUST call 911. Leave the room if you can so that you are not in danger.
Talk to his doctor about the anger, agitation as there are medications that can help.